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Something Light: Clean jokes
Today, we shall depart from the stress and strife of politics, crime, theology and what-not, and just take time to laugh. On this thread, post your favorite clean joke. I’ll start:
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark.”
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. “You don’t have to be afraid of the dark,” she explained. “Jesus is out there. He’ll look after you and protect you.”
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, “Are you sure he’s out there?”
“Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him,” she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, “Jesus? If you’re out there, would you please hand me the broom?”
Your turn! 
back to top82 Comments to “Something Light: Clean jokes”
A principal called the mother of one of his students and said, “I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that your son thinks he’s a frog.”
“Well, what’s the good news?” asked the mother.
The principal replied, “The good news is that I think we’ve licked the fly problem in the cafeteria.”
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A well dressed, debonair man in his mid nineties enters an upscale cocktail lounge and finds a seat next to a good looking, younger woman in her mid eighties, at the most. Trying to remember his best pick-up line, he says, “So tell me, do I come here often?”
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A Sunday School teacher was trying to make a point using a squirrel. So she said. “Okay kids what’s small, gray, furry and climbs tree?” The kids stared at her blankly. “It likes nuts and stores them in trees.” Still the kids said nothing. “You see them in parks and they have bushy tails.” Nothing. “Come on Billy what do you think?” She said to her brightest student. Billy thought a minute then said. “I know the answer’s suppose to be Jesus but it sounds like a squirrel to me.
I had a kid in my Wednesday night choir class who, no matter what the question, would raise his hand a yell, “God”. I guess he figured that had to be the right answer sooner or later.
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Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one of them was assaulted.
I know I’ve already told that joke in meet-the-regulars, but I just love it. It’s short, it’s clean, it’s word play … the perfect joke.
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Oh, and Kbells, I’ve got a few kids like that in my class, too.
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LOL, Kbells. I noticed that in children’s sermons also. When in doubt, always answer, “Jesus”.
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Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
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A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says. “What is this, some kind of joke?”
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When I taught high school, one of the assistant principals was a South Carolina grad (yes, they actually have graduates there — just kidding Chas, though you might be interested to know that he played football back in the days when the Gamecocks were still an ACC school) and he had a Clemson joke book. This was the most memorable one (or, at least the one I can remember) in it.
Three men are stranded on a desert island: a University of Georgia grad, and University of South Carolina grad, and a Clemson grad. One day, while walking along the beach, they find an old oil lamb, rub it, and a genie appears. He agrees to grant each one wish.
The UGA grad thinks a minute and says, “You know, I was never happier than my college days. I wish I were back in Athens, GA.” Poof, he disappears.
The USC grad thinks a while and says, “That Georgia boy has a point. I wish I were back in Columbia.” Poof, he disappears.
The Clemson grad thinks a minute and says, “I sure do miss those two. I wish they were back here.”
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One more, since I’m Presbyterian and the Scots are known for being, let’s say, loath to part with money…
Three men walk into a restaurant: an American, an Englishman, and a Scotsman. They each order a bowl of soup, and when the waiter brings their orders, each discovers a fly in his soup.
The American is typically rude, yelling out the fact he has a fly in his soup and generally causing a scene. The Englishman very subtly dips the fly out and hides it under his napkin so as to be polite and proper. The Scot reaches down into the soup, grabs the fly around its little fly neck, and in a thick Scottish accent says, “Spit it out! Spit it out!”
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Three people are seated at a table: a high-priced lawyer, a low-priced lawyer, and the tooth fairy. There’s a $100 bill on the table.
The lights go out momentarily. When they come back on, the $100 bill is missing.
Who took it?
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Mark Roth, The high priced Lawyer took it. The other two don’t exist.
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A little boy was playing with three blocks: a yellow block, a red block, and a blue block. He tossed the yellow one up high into the air and waited and right before it reached the ground he caught it. He tossed the red one even farther into the sky and waited and waited and finally it came down and he caught it right before it touched the ground. He then tossed the blue block as hard as he could! He waited and waited and waited, but it never came back down. Why?
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Three men walk into a pub. Rubbing their foreheads, they sit down at the bar. These three men all work for breweries: one from Budwieser, one from Miller, and the third from Guinness. They convene every couple of months to talk shop and trade stories.
The Bud man gets the bartender’s attention and proudly says, “I’ll have a Budweiser, the king of beers!” The Miller man, not to be outdone, “I’ll have a Miller Lite, best American-style light lager in the world!” The bartender gets to the Guinness man and asks him for his order. “Oh, I’ll just have a Coke.” His commrades look at him with shock. “Aren’t you going to order a Guinness?” they ask.
The Guinness man replies, “Well, if you two aren’t drinking, then neither am I.”
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Did you here about the elephant that had diarrhea?
It’s all over town.
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An acquaintance asked the astronomer, “So, how do you like your job.”
He replied, “It’s out of this world.”
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Great one, Rob H!
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A termite walked into a bar and said, “Is the bartender here?
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This isn’t really a joke but I love it.
The Dolls
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old
woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one
day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would
not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old
man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of
money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,” she
said, “My grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to
never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should
just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only
two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him
two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst
with happiness.
“Honey,” he said, “that explains the two dolls, but what about all of
this money? Where did it come from?”
“Oh,” she said, “That’s the money I made from selling all the other dolls.”
A Prayer…….
Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man,
love to forgive him,
and patience for his moods ,
because, Lord, if I pray for strength ,
I’ll beat him to death
and I don’t know how to crochet.
Amen!
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So this older gentleman found his seat on the train and sat down. He pulled out a cigar and settled back into his seat to begin the journey. Just as he was getting comfortable, a large woman came and sat in the seat next to him. She had a very loud parrot on her shoulder. As the train lumbered out of the station towards their destination, the parrot started telling him about the evils of smoking and kept rudely coughing to emphasize his point. This went on for about 20 minutes, but the woman didn’t even seem to notice.
Finally he told the woman, “I’ll get rid of my cigar if you get rid of your parrot!”
Appearing completely ambivalent, she said “Okay.” and threw her parrot out of the open window.
Somewhat surprised, he tossed his cigar out as well. The rest of the journey was quiet and uneventful. When they reached their destination and disembarked, the woman’s parrot was sitting there, perched on top of one of the benches. He had something in his mouth; what was it?
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My favorite:
A pastor was making his routine visit to a local nursing home and went into the room of an elderly woman named Ida, whom he’d become friends with. As he was sitting there talking with Ida and hearing his stomach growl, he noticed a jar of peanuts on her dresser.
Pointing to the jar he asked, “Ida, do you mind?”. “Not at all”, said Ida.
After several minutes of discussion and prayer, the pastor stood up to leave and realized he had emptied the jar.
“Ida, I’m afraid I’ve eaten all your peanuts while we were talking”, said the pastor.
“That’s ok”, said Ida, “With my false teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them and put them back in the jar!”
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Derek, I had to read this one twice — Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks. — then it cracked me up.
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Derek, are you going to tell us the answers?
#13: my guess: he “blue” it!
#20: I’m guessing it AIN’T the cigar!
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A duck walks into a drugstore and buys Chap Stick. The cashier asks, “Are you paying cash?”
“No,” the duck answers, “just put it on my bill.”
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Ha ha, I was hoping someone would guess it, but I can’t hold out any longer:
#13: Because…
#20: The parrot had a blue block in his mouth.
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Did y’all hear about the weird man who was found dead in his jail cell with 12 bumps on his head?
He tried to hang himself with a rubber band.
_________________________________________________
What stays the same age year after year?
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LOL, Derek. Didn’t see that coming!
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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Why the long face?”
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A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
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Two Auburn grads were out hunting when one of them had a heart attack. The other one called 911 in a panic screaming “My friend’s had a heart attack. I think he’s dead.” “
Now calm down”, the dispatcher said. “The first thing you need to do is make sure he’s dead.”
“Okay, I can do that.” The Auburn grad answered. The next thing the dispatcher heard was BANG! “Now what?”
Did you hear about the terrible accident near Auburn University? A pick up truck full of students ran into the lake and they drown when they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
These jokes are relatively interchangeable according to your affiliation.
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Bubba goes to the tent revival and listens to the preacher. After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Bubba slowly rises from his chair and gets in line.
When it’s his turn the preacher says, “Bubba, what you want me to pray about?”
Bubba says, “Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing.”
So the preacher puts his right finger in Bubba’s right ear and his left hand on top of his head and prays a while. Then the pr eacher puts his left finger in Bubba’s left ear and his right hand on top of his head and prays some more.
After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands and says, “Bubba, how’s your hearing now?”
Bubba says, “I don’t know preacher, it’s not until next Wednesday.”
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kbells, what’s the difference between a University of Florida student and yogurt?
Yogurt has culture.
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I first heard this as a [insert hair color here] joke. But, since we aren’t supposed to tell that kind anymore, I changed it a little.
Ten people were on an airplane, 9 Chargers fans and 1 Chiefs fan. The flight attendant came running into the cabin saying that the plane was going down, but they only had one available parachute. The ten passengers agreed to share it. When they were falling too fast, they realized that some would have to let go. After a while, when no one would volunteer, the Chiefs’ fan said he would let go. The Chargers fans all applauded. The Chiefs’ fan was the only survivor.
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Two sodium atoms are walking down the street.
One says to the other, “Oh no, I think I’ve lost an electron!”
The second replies, “Are your sure?”
“Yes”, says the first, “I’m positive!”
Yuk.
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There once was a woman in Spain who had to give up her identical twin boys for adoption. One was given to an Arabic family and named Amal. The younger was taken by a Spanish family and named Juan. Years later, Juan made contact with his mother and sent her a picture. She was sad because she wanted to hear from the older son. Her husband asked why she was crying. She told him she wanted to see the other son. He replied, “They’re identical twins, right? If you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.”
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Note to Lynn- No offense on #33? I won’t get the scepter, will I? I just hope you got a “charge” out of it!
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Peter L, # 35 was so good I’m giving you a cinnamon roll from World Views. Just take one, though.
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A new missionary went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn’t understand a whole lot of what was going on. When he visited a local church for the first time, he arrived late, and the church was already packed. Therefore, he had to sit on the first row.
So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to imitate the man sitting next to him. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the new missionary clapped, too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary also stood up. When the man sat down, he sat down. During the preaching, the missionary didn’t understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew.
Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the missionary also clapped. Then the preacher said some words that he didn’t understand, and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up, too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. The missionary looked around and saw that nobody else was standing, so he sat down.
After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English, “I take it that you don’t speak Spanish.” The missionary replied, “No, I don’t. Is it that obvious?” “Well, yes”, said the preacher. “I announced that the Acosta family had a newborn baby and would the proud father please stand up.”
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There was once a king who ruled his kingdom ruthlessly. The one thing he treasured above all else was his magnificent throne. It was solid gold, encrusted with jewels, and trimmed with the choicest pearls.
One day word came of a peasant uprising. He feared something might happen to his beloved throne, and he really didn’t trust anyone. He knew, though, about an abandoned grass hut on the outskirts of a nearby village. The hut had a loft, and it would make a great place to hide the throne until the rebellion was quelled.
The king waited until the middle of the night. He managed to get the throne out of the castle unseen, struggled but got in onto a cart (with horse, of course), and carried the prized possession to the hut. He drug it inside, hoisted it up to the loft, then climbed up and made sure the throne was completely covered. No one would ever know he had hidden it there.
He climbed down to leave, but just as he was doing so, the heavy throne came crashing down, right where he stood, killing him instantly.
The moral? Don’t store thrones in grass houses.
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There was once an elderly woman who was well-known for her faith and boldness. She would even stand out on her front porch and shout, “Praise the Lord!” It just so happened that she lived next door to an atheist. Whenever she would go out on her porch and shout, “Praise the Lord!” he would say to her, “There ain’t no Lord and there ain’t no God.” This kind of exchange between the woman and the man went on for many days.
Later, some hard times came for the woman, to the point that she needed some food. So one morning she went out on her porch and said, “Praise the Lord, I need food. God, would you please provide some groceries for me.” The very next morning, she went out on her porch and saw some groceries, so she shouted, “Praise the Lord – He has provided food.” All of a sudden her neighbor came out from behind a bush and said, “I brought those groceries for you, not the Lord. I told you that there isn’t a God!” The woman had a quick response: “Praise the Lord! God not only sent me food, but he made the devil pay for it.”
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Don’t stow thrones in grass houses…
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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But the light bulb must be truly committed to changing.
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The Bishop was making a visit to the parish one Sunday, so the local priest decided it was a good time to air some of his grievances.
During his message, the priest chanted “I’ve been in the church for 20 years, and I only get paid $100 a week, and that’s not enough!”
The Bishop was a smart guy and picked up on this right away. When it was his turn, he chanted “I’ve been in the church for 30 years, and I only get paid $200 a week, and that’s not enough!”
Well, at that point there was a blast from the organ, and the organist said in a loud voice “I’ve been in the church for 1 year, and I get paid $700 a week, and there’s ‘No Business Like Show Business….’”
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Q- How many Bill Gates does it take to change a light bulb?
A- None. He would just proclaim darkness the industry standard.
Q-How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A- That answer is still in litigation.
Q- How many CIA agents does it take to change a light bulb?
A- If I told you I’d have to kill you.
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Yes, that would be even better, MiM!
Ah, now SteveG (followed by PeterL) has done the dastardly action of beginning light bulb jokes. Therefore, I feel compelled to share.
(The first, only people who remember their college days will get…)
How many Greeks (i.e., frats and sororities) does it take to change a light bulb?
Five — one to change it and four to design a t-shirt commemorating the event.
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Four — one to change it, and three to sit around talking about how the old bulb was so much better.
Now all we need (PeterL has almost taken us there) is for someone to begin with the lawyer jokes…
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Hey, TJ, I made that lawyer joke up (I think). Here’s another:
Two lawyers enter a bar…
I won’t go on since I could be sued!
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Rene Descartes enters a tavern. The barkeeper asks if he wants a beer. Descartes says “I think not,” then disappears.
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How do you get a n English Major off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.
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I heard it as
People living in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.
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Before North America was settled by Europeans, there was a tribal chief living east of the Rocky Mountains.
One day he started wondering just where the sun goes each night. He knew that he watched it go down behind the mountains each day, and that if he was up early enough he could watch it come up over the plains to the east. But he wanted to know what the sun was doing between those events.
One day he decided to organize an expedition to follow the sun as it set, so they could determine where it went. Needless to say, it did not go so well. They were on top of the mountain when the sun started going down, but they quickly found that the sun moved faster than the people could, and it disappeared from view.
All they could do was turn around and go back, not an easy walk in the dark. As they forged forward, the question of where the sun went was still foremost in the chiefs mind. And just before they got back to the top of the mountain, it dawned on him.
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I didn’t get Derek’s #7 until Lynn commented on it.
True story:
When my son was about 4 years old, I was at work and my wife was talking with him at breakfast. He said an ugly word, she scolded him for it. He said, “I will say it when you can’t hear me.”
My wife said, “I may not be able to hear you, but God can.”
Nothine else was said for a long time. She thought the discussion was over. But after maybe a couple of minutes Chuck said, “Momma”
“Yes?”
“Does God have a switch?”
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Chas: That is a real keeper of a story! I love this thread, but I keep going out to tell my husband the jokes. He will just have to come and read his own from now on. Thanks for the laughs!
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Another true preschooler story: My daughter is a teacher at a daycare center and the children all sat down to have a snack together. One little boy started talking about some animal poop her had apparently seen recently and all the others had to join in with their stories. My daughter told them that kind of talk was not polite at the table, so they should talk about something else. A sweet little girl spoke up, “Let’s talk about our favorite shapes.” Earlier in the day this had been a lesson. “Mine is the triangle.” Pretty soon all the children were comparing their favorite shapes and my daughter was congratulating herself on nipping the bathroom talk in the bud, so to speak. She needed to get up to get something and no sooner had her back turned to the children when she heard one little rebellious boy shout at her, “Square poop!” That set all the little ones off again.
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Opps! Was that clean? I didn’t mean to use the p-word. Mea Culpa! So sorry! Don’t hit me with the sceptor, Lynn! It will never happen again.
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Oops!
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Another true story. A friend’s granddaughter had a bad habit of putting things in her mouth and was constantly being warned about germs. Her parents were also devote Christians. One day in exasperation she said. “Germs and Jesus. It’s all I ever hear and I’ve never seen either one of them.”
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#18 me
A termite walked into a bar and said, “Is the bartender here?
bar tender
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Har-har, Peter L. Don’t worry, I’ll think up something to get you back.
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Bob Buckles #18, #57
I read #18 several times without figuring it out. Thanks for #57.
Yuk yuk.
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Alumni of U of Michigan, Michigan State, and Ohio State stumble onto a magic lamp, release the genie, and are granted one wish apiece.
Michigan State grad: “Make all of Michigan’s farmland rich and fertile, yielding bounteous crops every year.”
Genie: “Granted.”
Ohio State grad: “We’ve got to keep all of this Michigan riff-raff out of our fair state. Make us an impenetrable wall a mile high all the way around the state line.”
Genie: “Granted.”
Michigan grad: “You can you really do that?”
Genie: “Certainly.”
M: “And it’s done already?”
G: “In place.”
M: “Nothing can get in or out?”
G: “Nothing.”
M: “Fill it with water.”
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The director of the Michigan Alumni Association told that one better than I did, sorry
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Oh genie jokes!
A man stumbles on a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie emerges and agrees to grant him one wish.
The man says, “My mother lives in Hawaii. I am terrified of flying. I wish for a bridge between Los Angeles and Hawaii so I can drive out to visit her.”
The genie objects, explaining to the man how difficult it would be to build a bridge so many miles long, anchored in the deep ocean. The man agrees to come up with a new wish.
“In that case,” he says, “I wish to understand women. I want to understand how they think, what they feel and why they act as they do.”
“OK,” the genie says. “Where in Los Angeles do you want the entrance to the bridge?”
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What do you call the guy who hangs out with the band?
A drummer.
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Q: What did one fly say to the other fly?
A: Hey, fly, your dude’s down.
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A duck walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No” so the duck says, “Oh,” and leaves.
The duck comes back the next day, goes up to the bartender, and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No” so the duck says, “Oh,” and leaves.
The next day the duck comes back again. He goes up to the bartender and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “Look duck. We don’t have any grapes. This is a bar. We didn’t have grapes any yesterday, and we won’t have any tomorrow. If you come back in here and ask for grapes again, I’m going to nail your clammy webbed feet to the floor.” So the duck says, “Oh,” and leaves.
The next day, the duck comes back. He goes up to the bartender and asks, “Got any nails?” The bartender says “No.” The duck says “Oh. Got any grapes?”
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This proved more popular than Whirled Views! Have we ever had such a light WV thread before?
Some groaners here, but good ones overall! I especially enjoyed Derek’s, Serious George’s (except # 64 (groaner)
Robhays (#29 esp) and KBells’!
Confession: I’m still trying to figure out #26!
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VS Re #26: He kept bouncing back up to the ceiling and banging his head on the rafter.
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Oh! Duh! Guess I’ve bumped my head (on something) too many times as well!
Thanks Peter L.
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Child funnies: I was on the phone with my four-year-old when a hawk dove in the backyard of the house I was renting. It plunged on the other side of a hill, so I couldn’t see what it was attempting to catch, or whether it had succeeded. I told my nephew, and he said, “Maybe it’s trying to catch worms for its babies.” The image of a big manly hawk taking its babies worms struck me as hilarious.
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Whoops, meant to say four-year-old nephew.
I can never think of a joke. This is the only one I can think of:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the raccoon it can be done.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes 16 visits.
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How many high school freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
Uh, is this for a grade?
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~~~[No offense is meant by the following]~~~
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
I don’t know, but they would just lay hands on it and pray for it to be healed.
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How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?
Two – one to turn it and one to overturn it.
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A young pastor was going to a wedding for the first time. He asked an older pastor what he should do if he forgets where he is during in the wedding service. The older pastor replied, “What I always did was quote Scripture. If you get lost, then just quote Scripture.” So during his first wedding, sure enough, the young pastor came to a point where he forgot what to say. So he quoted the first verse that came to his mind: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing.”
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A young man once asked God how long a million years was to Him. God replied, “A million years to Me is just like a single second to you.”
The young man asked God what a million dollars was to Him. God replied, “A million dollars to Me is just like a single penny to you.”
Then the young man got his courage up and asked, “God, could I have one of your pennies?”
God smiled and replied, “Certainly – just a second!”
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Bob is walking down the street when he spots his friend Joe approaching from the opposite direction. He notices that Joe is on crutches, has one arm in a sling and is sporting a huge black eye.
“Hey Joe”, Bob says, “What happened?”
Joe: “I had a Freudian slip.”
Bob: “What do you mean?”
Joe: “I was having dinner at my mother-in law’s house when I asked her to pass the butter, but instead I said, “You ruined my whole life you fat pig.”
Joe
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A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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A crowd was being asked what they thought would make the perfect football player.
Football player: Do you want the guy who gets knocked down but gets back up again?
Crowd: No!
Football player: Do you want the guy who gets knocked down and gets back up and gets knocked down again, but still gets back up?
Crowd: No!
This goes on for a few more times, until in exasperation,
Football player: What do you want then?!?!?
Crowd: We want the guy who knocks everyone else down!
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I probably don’t have this just right, but here’s the gist of it.
5 people were on a plane.
The pilot, the most beautiful woman in the world, the smartest man in the world, and an ordinary man and his son. The plane’s engines had all failed, and everyone were preparing to jump off with a parachute each. However, they found that there were only 4 parachutes. The pilot said “I’m the pilot, so I should be able to go,” and jumped out of the plane. The most beautiful woman in the world did the same thing. Next, the smartest man in the world grabbed the remaining parachute and jumped out. This left only the man and his son,
and the father didn’t know what to do, but his
son told him “Dad, don’t worry. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”
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THE HAIRCUT
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, “I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, “I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, “I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen different books, such as “How to Improve Your Business” and “Becoming More Successful.
“Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, “I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.
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Ann Coulter and another blonde were sitting on a bench in Kansas. The blonde said to Ann, “Look how beautiful the moon is, Ann”. “Which is closer, the moon or Florida?” Ann said, “You stupid blonde cow of a Democrat, can you even SEE Florida?”
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