Learn it! Speak it! Live it!
Bring Christmas to a child in need!
An 'urgency': Sensing threats to institutions of society, church leaders make declaration 
Click to Print
Include Comments
Personal note: Wholly inadequate
This week my daughter will be six months old. In the span of half a year, she has radically changed. Born weighing 7 pounds, 10 ounces and measuring 21.5 inches, today she weighs in at more than 15 pounds and is about 27.5 inches long. Her once wobbly head no longer needs support. She can roll over and is on the cusp of sitting up. And she definitely said her first word: Hi. (Or at least it sure sounded like “hi.”)
I’ve changed as well, just like those Johnson & Johnson commercials said I would. I’ve only slept through the night a handful of times since bringing her home from the hospital. My days are often measured by how many diapers I change. And I’ve scrubbed poop out of more clothes than I care to count. (There’s a reason many mothers prefer Pampers over other diapers!)
It’s all worth it of course, and there is such joy in being a mother, but it’s in the midst of all the day-to-day living that I’m faced with the realization of how wholly inadequate I am for this job. My husband and I are but sinners saved by grace, and yet God chose us to shepherd this child into adulthood. What privilege–what responsibility.
Although I could attempt to squelch those feelings of inadequacy with pep talks or such, it seems to me they are intended to keep us humble, reminding my husband and me of our great need for help and pointing us to the One who is wholly adequate. And that’s comforting as I anticipate all the parenting challenges we will face in the next 17.5 (plus) years to come. Thankfully, I need only concern myself with the events of today, part of which I can guarantee I will spend in prayer seeking help to be the mother God has called me to be.
back to top14 Comments to “Personal note: Wholly inadequate”
You’re way ahead of where I was at the same moment in parenthood, Kristin. I only figured out several years ago that while God gave me a child(ren) to raise, he also used that child(ren) to change me into a better person.
I only wish I had realized all that crying was improving me as well as growing them! It might have helped me deal with it.
Report comment to moderator
17.5 years?
Heh… you should be so lucky.
I’ve got two who are past the 18 yr mark, and I still worry over them. And I still feel inadequate.
Report comment to moderator
It seems like only yesterday we were changing the diapers of our son the Marine.
We have always felt inadequate and still do, but one thing comforts us now as the kids leave home: They become their own people who will make their own decisions. As parents, we prepare them and launch them into the world, but ultimately their lives are their own.
At least … this is the rationalization I use on myself now when they make decisions that I don’t entirely agree with. I can’t beat myself up for ever. Sometimes this self therapy actually works!
It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them… Psalm 127
So then, what was all that “rising early and sitting up late” about?
How easy it is to forget that these kids ultimately belong to God.
Report comment to moderator
With a 17 month old and another on the way, I can relate
. Our bedtime prayer with/for Judah usually also includes a prayer for us two to be good parents!
Oh, and Judah’s graduated from “Hey!” and wobbling around to “No!” and climbing on top of the dining room table… …fun times
Report comment to moderator
Our daughter is 14 months old, and has graduated into the toddler range, with walking slowly, getting into everything, and saying “uh-oh.” ‘Course, I remember when she couldn’t even crawl…took her time crawling, and them walking as well.
Wholly inadequate, yet still totally trusted with her by God.
Report comment to moderator
I understand what you’re talking about. I tell my son, (now 49) that I read all the instructions that came with him. But, I came to say that every child has a couple of parents. That is a system that is entirely adequate for the task at hand. It has worked admirably for untold generations.
Having said that, when my son was newborn, he cried a lot. I thought he was being spoiled (two weeks, mind you). We were going by the feeding instructions the hospital gave us. After nearly a month, my mother came from SC to Fort Worth to see him. She said, “He’s hungry”. She fed him enough and the crying stopped. He wasn’t getting enough and we didn’t realize it. That’s why God made grandmothers. They’re an important part of the system.
Report comment to moderator
I am not sure that I agree that parents are inadequate. I think they may be under trained, over stressed, over worry and ignorant. But, they are certainly adequate to learn enough as they go through the on the job training, get more comfortable and less worrisome over being a parent and then lose the inadequacy feelings soon enough.
Report comment to moderator
#5, “Wholly inadequate, yet still totally trusted with her by God.”
Such a great responsibility, such an incredible privilege.
I measure a lot of days right now by the number of diapers changed, times two (one 4 mos old., one just 2). But then I’ll hear the 4-mo.-old’s delighted giggles as his big brothers play with him, or overhear the 2-y.o. singing to his stuffed animals as he drifts off to sleep, or listen to the 5-y.o. talking to his grammie about the Sunday school lesson, and all the diapers and the million loads of dirty laundry fade into the background.
And I am comforted and encouraged by God’s promises that he does not give us more than we can bear and that his grace is sufficient.
Report comment to moderator
The problem with parenting is that by the time you figure it out, you’re done … and the mistakes really can’t be fixed.
I look back at those days and wonder how we got through them. Ours didn’t sleep though the night until a year and a half, they walked at 6 months, the younger one (the future gymnast) climbed out of the crib on her own at 9 months. We didn’t know what we were doing and were thoroughly sleep deprived to boot. We lived, they lived.
Report comment to moderator
7-
thank you so much for the positive! I find it interesting that as I read the posts, those who are actually involved in training, teaching, coaching, parenting, have a more positive attitude about it and toward the young than some (from youth bashing post)who just seem to repeat the same negative themes over and over from post to post. As for parenting, I agree with LLAMA that time and experience will bolster your confidence.
As the godly, we are required to stay positive about our lives. We must stay tuned into God’s commitment to us and His work on our behalf.
Report comment to moderator
“My husband and I are but sinners saved by grace, and yet God chose us to shepherd this child into adulthood”
Yawn. You, and every single other parent on the face of the planet are ‘chosen’ in just the same way, including the 14 year old rape victim and the welfare mommies strung out on drugs and the posh cold nurseries of the elite. Good lord the need to make everything into some sort of sign from SkyBeast I will never understand. If it were some sort of holy responsibility as you proclaim then it seems the world would be quite different than it in fact is. More ‘interpretation’ I am sure.
As a young parent I also feel overwhelmed at times. My wife who stays at home, even more, I know. Adding imaginary beings just to reify the experience to me seems to be cheapening the entire experience. to each their own, but I think you’re loony on this one.
Report comment to moderator
Reg,
I’m not a parent, but I have a lot of experience with children, dating back close to 30 years, and thus some grounds to speak. There’s another possibility if parents and those who work with youth are being more positive than others are: that those who are responsible for young people’s behavior are justifying themselves.
There is much to be said for today’s youth in some areas, I’ll agree. But today’s young children (say five to ten) are shockingly worse in many areas than kids I dealt with in earlier decades: respect for authority, for instance. Use of bad language. Demandingness. Lack of overall sweetness and “likability.” (Kindergartners used to be truly sweet people. Some still are–but in groups I’ve worked with, nastiness is a more likely possibility.) Is it the children’s fault? No, it’s not–and that’s why parents may sometimes be the very last ones who can speak to this issue, because they’re the ones who excuse the inexcusable.
Let me tell you a story to show you what I mean by “inexcusable.” I was visiting a friend who was several months pregnant, at the end of a very rough pregnancy. (She was hospitalized several times.) Her oldest daughter was about nine, old enough (1) to be a help and (2) to understand that her mom was sick. While my friend was doing something, I sat down on her bed and her daughter lay down on it. My friend came back and asked her daughter to please get up and let her sit down on the bed. Her weariness was very evident, and remember, this was her own bed, in her own bedroom. Her daughter smirked up at her and said, “Only if you bring me a book.” “OK,” my friend said with an exhausted sigh, walking to her healthy daughter’s bedroom. “Which book?”
You could ask this friend if she had good children, and I think she’d tell you yes. I, a more objective observer, would tell you a very loud no.
Report comment to moderator
Chas,
I had a similar experience with my oldest son when he was still in a crib. The child just wouldn’t sleep, and kept waking up crying at night. Finally we realized that he was getting cold! Once we put enough clothing and blankets on the boy, he was fine!
Report comment to moderator
Looking back 26 years 00 almost 27 now (yikes!), here’s what I learned about raising a daughter:
You’ll make mistakes. That means you’ll learn the necessity of forgiveness for yourself, for her, and most importantly (in later years) from her.
God will meet you in your daughter. She’s His gift to you. To receive you and your husband will want openness.
You’ll pray. Pray around her: for her friends, her teachers, her future.
And remember, it’s a lot like driving. You need to look down the road, but also you will need to pay attention to what’s in front of you. You need both sets of eyes.
Just think, by Easter she’s going to be out exploring (oh are there every “joys” there…)
Report comment to moderator
back to topJoin The Conversation
You need to be a registered user of WORLDonTheWeb.com to "join the conversation."
If you are not a member yet, what are you waiting for? Register / Login Now!