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Earthly arithmetic
I received a “special greeting,” only to open it and find about fifty other addressees besides me. Not feeling so “special” anymore, I moved on to the next email.
My assumption, as I reflected on it later, was that love’s intensity is diluted when it’s stretched fifty ways. For the same reason, I would not like to be a Mormon of the old school, and competitor for my husband’s affections.
But then I started thinking of people I know who have loved me well. They have generally been people who loved others well too. There was Marge, who opened her house to many a stray hippie in
The quality of the love, and not the number of people it alights on, is the thing. I have noticed that if a person has this kind of love, she is able to hold more people in her embrace than another person who is capable of letting in only one or two. My arithmetic was too earthly.
I need to disabuse myself of this prejudice regarding God. I have been thinking He can’t possibly love me well if he is so promiscuous with his affections. But that’s like an ant trying to fathom the sea. “The weakness of God is stronger than men” (1 Corinthians
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“The quality of the love, and not the number of people it alights on, is the thing”
I would certainly agree that’s true with God, but I’m not so sure it’s true with people. Those who tend to have lots of “very close friends” are usually not all that close to any of them, but are mere social butterflies, alighting here and there but never settling anyplace. I find it’s best not to count on such people for truly important things, as they tend to disappear when the going gets tough.
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I agree with VS that one can’t have lots of “very close friends,” but one can extend deep love to many people. I know someone who does visiting the sick and other people in difficult circumstances for her church – as well offering a listening ear and a warm hug to anyone. There are many people who have appreciated her love and wisdom, but most would not claim to be close friends.
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“I would not like to be a Mormon of the old school, and competitor for my husband’s affections.”
Given the political season, that caught my attention.
If it weren’t for Romney’s faith, I’d wonder why that doesn’t say “Muslim” instead.
As it is, I’ll just read it for the point it makes in the article.
Disclaimer: No, I’m not saying Andrée is indulging in some sort of stealth anti-Romney dig.
PS: At least the three numbers on that guy’s forehead aren’t the wrong ones.
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Pauline, I’m not even sure that “one can extend deep love to many people”.
One can extend great kindness to many people, and that’s good, but I would contend that’s not love. Loving someone means surrendering some measure of vulnerability to them, and that has a cost. You just can’t do that with a whole lot of people. It’s too exhausting for any but the most extraordinary people.
This is where it’s difficult becuase English has only one word for love. Maybe we could say that it’s possible to extend “agape” and (unfortunately) “eros” to many people, but one can extend true “filia” and “storge” to only a few.
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This may sound silly, but when I am especially praying for one person, then extend that prayer to others, I’m sort of afraid I’ve diluted the power of the prayer for the first one.
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John – What about the kind of love that a Christian has for the souls & well-being of others, such as their fellow church members?
The more one loves God, the more one’s heart is open to love others. Yes, I agree it’s not the same as having a close friendship with them all, but it’s a spiritual kind of love, that can be quite deep.
I think, for instance, of my pastor. We are not all his close friends, but he loves each one of us dearly, & prays for all of us.
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Hmmm, do the repeated statements in the Book of John about “the disciple whom Jesus loved” have any relevance here?
Did He love John more than the others?
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Karen,
“What about the kind of love that a Christian has for the souls & well-being of others,”
I think that’s what I’m saying when I say it might be possible to extend agape to many people but not filia or storge.
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I recently received a prayer letter from a missionary that said something along the lines of “you are one of the few people getting this…” and I knew it was true because it came from someone I consider a close friend. With people, the quantity and quality of love we get often mirrors what we give. It is the ability to love our neighbors and enemies that begins to make us like God.
I’ve often pondered this same point of diluting love. I left a teaching profession partly because at the end of a day I would have no emotional energy left for my children (who now number 10). There does seem to be a fleshly limit to how far we can extend ourselves, but God puts people into our path for a reason. Christ did not reach out to everyone he passed on the street. Did that make him love them less?
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#4 Maybe we could say that it’s possible to extend “agape” and (unfortunately) “eros” to many people, but one can extend true “filia” and “storge” to only a few.
John M.,
I had “agape” in mind (not the word, but what it implies). I would hardly consider it a lesser kind of love than the others.
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Pauline,
I don’t think I’m saying it’s lesser. Hmmm… I guess I just think that extending friendship (philia) or familial affection (storge) is dangerous because we expect (rightly) something in return. It’s an implicit deal between the parties that you BOTH owe affection to the other. One could even say THESE are the lesser loves because it can’t be given freely. In agape, the whole point is that it’s supposed to be unconditinal, so we don’t expect anything back. With eros, well that’s just a minefield. Suffice it to say that some people don’t seem to have any problem spreading THAT around.
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John M.,
Perhaps it’s that question of whether there is something expected in return that makes us feel less “special” if we know we are recipients of a love that is spread so widely (I can certainly related to what Andree says in this post, both in regards to the love of God and some people). I would like to be special not just in receiving love, but in the other Person/person wanting something from me in return. There is something about someone saying “I’ll really miss you” that makes you feel special more than with someone who genuinely cares about you but won’t feel as though a part of them is missing when you’re gone. I know God wants us to love Him in return, but He doesn’t “need” my love. It’s my need to both be loved by Him and love Him in return. I think it’s hard for us to deal with not feeling needed in a love relationship.
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“There is something about someone saying ‘I’ll really miss you’ that makes you feel special more than with someone who genuinely cares about you but won’t feel as though a part of them is missing when you’re gone.”
I wish I missed God as much as I miss the man I love.
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John – Sorry, I somehow missed the part you wrote about agape.
Pauline – Here’s a somewhat silly analogy I make to God not needing my love – I don’t need my cats love, but when she shows her love for me, I am very pleased. So I’d say that God certainly doesn’t need our love, but it does please Him.
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