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A “complaining” sabbatical
How often do you think you complain in any given day? Five times? Twenty? Do you even know?
According to pastor Will Bowen, complaining has become such an automatic response to daily setbacks that people don’t even realize they’re doing it. That’s why more than a year ago he set out to remind his parishioners that in order to live a happy and prosperous life, you have to stop complaining. After giving each member of his congregation a purple rubber bracelet emblazoned with the word “SPIRIT,” he challenged them to stop complaining for 21 days.
It took Bowen three months to stop complaining; other churchgoers took much longer. Since that summer sermon, God has been very, very good to Will Bowen. Local news organizations picked up his story and Bowen wrote a book, now in its seventh printing. He went on the “Today” show and then on “Oprah.” His church has mailed 5 million purple SPIRIT bracelets all over the world and continues to do so at a rate of 25,000 to 50,000 per week.
While Bowen advocates for eliminating complaining entirely, Dr. Laura Schlessinger argues in her new book, “Stop Whining, Start Living,” that some things are worth complaining about–in which case, make it short and move on. Does complaining ever have value in society, or should we, like Bowen, aim to purge it completely from our lives?
back to top24 Comments to “A “complaining” sabbatical”
I can’t complain anymore? Darn it! That just really sucks…
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Speaking of which, where is Rants and Raves?
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Michelle, I logged onto this thread expecting that it would be a new twist to rants and raves, that today we were only allowed to rave.
My sister once took part in a summer missions trip in which one rule was “no complaining.” And the rule was pretty strict: “It’s a hot day” was considered complaining. Part of the mindset of the leaders was to break the complaining habit. Part was that complaining leads others to think about negative things–they pointed out that many a person has been very comfortable until someone comments on the heat, and then others notice how hot it is, too.
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I have been thinking about this myself. I will admit that my critical thinking skills borderline on complaining more often than not. We need to define terms here. What is complaining? What does this pastor mean when he talks about complaining? I guarantee that if it is on Oprah, it is being misunderstood or misrepresented.
On a related note, Oprah seems bound and determined to find and utilize every single spiritual discipline or gimmic without every looking at the plain gospel staring her in the face. It surely is sad.
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I thought about this thread after I had already posted on Rants/Raves. Of course, I complained there. Why did WoW tempt me like this?!?
Is that complaining???
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I’ve actually been thinking about this topic the past few weeks. Seems like I am surrounded by grumpy, bitter, or complaining people everywhere I go. Then I got to thinking about the fact that many times God shows us our own faults by observing them in others. I thought about my own “speech” life, etc; and would I enjoy being around me…The answer was, I am just as grumpy as anyone else. So–yes some things may be worth “respectfully complaining” about, but for the most part I need to shut my mouth and move on. I’m not talking about being sad about personal things that have happenened (grief), or having “righteous anger” over ungodly things, but the run of the mill complaining. One practical thing I’ve been trying to do to improve in my non-complaining ways is to not unload, mentally, on my husband the second he walks in the door at night. I think its true that the mom’s attitude can influence the whole family, and how the day will go.
I think I’ve just rambled on and on. The short of it–I think the less complaining we do, the better.
Blessings!
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Complaining does have value, but only under certain conditions:
(1) It must really be necessary. We all have many acceptable occasions to complain, but most of the time, complaining won’t actually solve the problem. In such cases, it only becomes a way to vent our anger or displeasure, rather than a means of correction.
(2) It must be a self-controlled (rather than simply a reactive) response.
(3) For those of us who are Christians, it must not discredit our testimony. For example, if we’re in a restaurant and complain about our food, we shouldn’t do it with an angry, condemning spirit. Rather, we should gently make the complaint, and even with a smile. The needs of that waiter or waitress are more important than whatever the issue is with our food.
Otherwise, complaining expresses a discontented spirit (”I deserve better”) and reflects a negative concept of the sovereignty of God (He’s not in control, or doesn’t care, or is powerless to help me).
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Just about the time I get really good at something, here comes someone wanting me to stop.
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Closely related, since complaining and being critical of others (as opposed to genuine reproof) are just about the same thing.
This past winter, the Holy Spirit showed me how incredibly much I am critical of others–and not just in the privacy of my own head! Borrowing a friend’s idea, I purchased an inexpensive bracelet. Each morning I wore it on my right wrist. Whenever I found myself being critical, I switched it to the other wrist.
Surprisingly, this helped me a great deal. It made me much more aware of what I was doing and was surprised how much the bracelet traveled. Each time it did, I said a quiet prayer of confession and thanked God that His love was no lessened by having such a whiner for a child. It helped me to repent. That little bit of awareness and accountability helped me to go to those to whom I had wronged and seek their forgiveness as well. My children got a lot of apologies!
(But what a great example for them of repentance…)
I’m not 100% cured, but it has really matured me in this area. A simple, yet effective idea. I’m grateful someone shared it with me.
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Litoralise: Thanks for sharing that neat example!
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I think we could all use LESS complaining, to be certain. And this pastor definitely has some good points (on the negativity, among other things). Yet the prophets in Scripture are all about genuine, true, repentance-seeking complaining. And after looking at the article, I wonder if this shepherd and his church aren’t on the prosperity bandwagon. What happens when suffering and bad things happen? Will complaining still be extinct? Or what? What happens when God prompts us to complain, so as to do His will or change things that need to be changed?
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Has anyone reflected upon the sufferings of King David which one can find in the Psalms? He constantly spoke of his pain and sorrow.
We come to the LORD in prayer, for those things which we desire, the salvation of family or friends, those who are ill, those who have gone astray. These are all complaints, and sorrowful laments we make to the LORD. We often times talk to our loved ones of those things which are sorrowful, they can certainly be classified as ‘complaints’ as well. They are burdens, and we all have them.
To expect Believers not to complain about their condition isn’t fair nor is it kind. It reminds me of the Christians who always expect everyone to be HAPPY, even if they aren’t, that anything less is being NEGATIVE.
There are those on this blog who obviously have great burdens, which they share from time to time. I would hate to see them stand back and say nothing if they need prayer or someone to comfort them. Can we call this complaining? NO, absolutely not.
I would define complaining as a person who finds fault with everything, whether its the faucet that drips, the car they didn’t gas up last night, the child who didn’t do their homework, things which are everyday experiences. And YES there are those even here on this blog, which complain about things which could be left out.
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Will Bowen is the lead minister at Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, MO.
We Believe…
1. There is only One Presence and One Power, God the Good, omnipotence
2. If God is everywhere, God is also within everyone
3. Our thoughts create our reality
4. Pray affirmatively giving thanks for what you desire
5. Practice the four principles (above) to the best of your ability each and every day.
We honor all faiths.
(It’s a UNITY Church which would WOULD NOT embrace what Evangelicals believe)
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Where would Worldmag be without complainers (both writers and bloggers)?
I’ve about come to the conclusion that some of the biggest complainers in America today are conservative Christians. They complain about everything (the culture, the government, media, education, other religions). They’ve taken to filing lawsuits like a duck takes to water. They don’t seem to like anything or anyone except those who think and believe exactly like they do.
What I can’t figure out is, if America is such a horrible place (for conservative Christians) why do they continue to stay here? Why continue to complain bitterly about everything in this country year after year, when it’s clear that the majority of the American people are not going to come around to your way of thinking?
If I hated my job as much as conservative Christians seem to hate their lives in America, I’d quit and find a new one.
Yes there is some bad stuff and some bad people in America. There are things we all don’t like and/or wish were better. But it’s still a fine country.
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……..
“What I can’t figure out is, if America is such a horrible place (for conservative Christians) why do they continue to stay here? Why continue to complain bitterly about everything in this country year after year, when it’s clear that the majority of the American people are not going to come around to your way of thinking?”
WHY? ….. so all the homosexuals can get married? That wouldn’t work, even those who aren’t conservative Christians won’t vote for ’same sex marriage’-
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Anlir- We “complain” about the situation here in the US because it is one of the few remaining safe places for true Christianity in the world. We feel we are losing our freedoms slowly whenever the ACLU or some other non-Christian group tries to stop us from expressing our beliefs.
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When the Israelites murmurred in the desert,God got very angry. Instead of just going to God in prayer or to Moses who was a mediator, they whined and cried to one another and complained. That is the same way many of us are. We need to learn to go to God first. We need to learn to be more grateful. Thank you to Litoralise and momoffour for some good thoughts.
I grew up in a home with way too much criticism and God had to help me deal with changing that. I am still working on it. The truth is that people do not want to hang out with those who just complain all the time, especially about things that cannot be changed. Speaking the truth about negative things in our lives is not complaining. It is the way in which something is said that is complaining. It is an attitude that says everything in my life should be perfect. It says everyone around me should be perfect. Those are falacies and should be seen as such.
Anlir: I know more gays who complain more than the Christians I know and they are living wonderful lifestyles in relation to material things. Your charge is unfounded. Bringing lawsuits against things that are wrong is not complaining. It is trying to redress a wrong. Whether or not each case should be brought is another story.
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KI,
Yes, gay people are complainers. With good reason in one huge respect: we’re still trying to gain our freedom and full legal rights as American citizens. Conservative Christians, like all other Americans (except gay people), have all of their freedoms and rights.
The biggest complaint (from my vantage point) that conservative Christians have centers around the fact that they have lost their privileged status in American society. We see the complaining about it every day on here.
The rest of us (non conservative Christians) think it’s not a legitimate complaint.
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Life spans are longer now than ever.
Medical advances continue to flourish.
One can travel to the other side of the world in a day today.
Entertainment options abound beyond our wildest dreams.
We are the wealthiest society in the history of the world.
Food is more accessible than ever and for a tiny fraction of your overall income.
The average American home is twice the size as it was 50 years ago.
Turn a knob, get clean water.
Press a button, get heat to comfort your home and car (or get cool air as needed).
We are a button away from a conversation with a close friend or loved one on the other side of the country.
To be a cronic complainer today is, by definition, to be spoiled.
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Joel,
I agree with your list, its a good one. However many people do complain if that’s the word one wants to use.
Life has become easier, but it offers much more glamour to sin. It isn’t all that safe, kids are exposed to drugs, sex and film, TV which leads them away from a wholesome life. Kids don’t have to attend public school to see what’s ‘out there’ its in the ‘malls’ in many stores, …. look at the kids in the shopping centers, one can’t keep their children locked up at home, so they see the other side of life every single time you go out.
I don’t think the word ‘complain’ is applicable here, its sorrow over a world which has turned from GOD. Parents are hard pressed to keep up with all the demands, watching closely that their children aren’t exposed any more than they have to be to ‘what is out there’.
As I said before King David lamented as he wrote of his trials and tribulations, we aren’t any different. Our JOY is in the LORD, our hearts are stayed on HIM, our sorrow rests on what we see around us, the pain of sin in others lives, and their inability to see what’s causing all the distress. We come to the LORD in prayer, sometimes with heavy hearts, not really for ourselves, but others who are in desperate need of a Savior, to be healed of a disease, those who are left with children to raise alone.
Joel, I am very blessed to have such a wonderful husband, my life is good. What isn’t good is what I am forced to observe from my place in this world, and it makes me weep to watch the lives of others being lost or torn because of bad choices, because they have turned from GOD who loves them so much.
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Victoria – Your last paragraph applies to me, too.
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Anlir:
There is no law anywhere in the country, that I know of, that says “*except for homosexuals.” You have the same privileges and rights as anybody else. Some of those privileges you do not want; you want others instead. Me too–I’m single. Get over it.
Why is your complaint about not having lifestyle-specific rights (e.g., the “right” to “marry” someone of your own sex) legitimate, while the Christians’ desire for different elements in society (e.g., less mental sewage in public schools) something just to “get over”?
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“Now these thing occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they (the Israelites) did….And do not grumble, as some of them did–and were killed by the destroying angel. These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warning for us…” I Corinthians 10:6,10,11
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Victoria,
You made a very fitting distinction–there is indeed a big difference between weeping/sorrow and complaining/grumbling. It’s the latter that is not so fitting, given the many blessigs in our lives. The former is all too fitting.
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