RT @TWERadio: Vanderbilt University stands firm against campus-ministry groups 
Click to Print
Include Comments
Name, please
My wife and I are expecting another baby in a few months, and we’re looking for names. Our first daughter, Trudy Simmons, is pretty awesome. She goes by Simmons, and she’s got curly hair like a ghetto Little Orphan Annie, a total shrub. Our second daughter – by way of special papal dispensation, I agreed to let my wife find out the gender for this one early – is currently nameless (and likely hairless), and so this Times article caught my attention. Apparently, bad baby names aren’t a very new trend:
By scouring census records from 1790 to 1930, Mr. Sherrod and Mr. Rayback discovered Garage Empty, Hysteria Johnson, King Arthur, Infinity Hubbard, Please Cope, Major Slaughter, Helen Troy, several Satans and a host of colleagues to the famed Ima Hogg.
So what happens when people grow up with bad names, like boys named Sue and men named Carol?
“Researchers have studied men with cross-gender names like Leslie,” Dr. Evans explained. “They haven’t found anything negative – no psychological or social problems – or any correlations with either masculinity or effeminacy. But they have found one major positive factor: a better sense of self-control. It’s not that you fight more, but that you learn how to let stuff roll off your back.”
So, bad baby names really do build character.
back to top45 Comments to “Name, please”
I thought you were going to ask for name suggestions for your baby. Oh well.
At first I thought of Mark.
But since reading the rest of your post, I thought of Slightly Off.
And Wherez Mai.
And Loves Dee.
Report comment to moderator
I’ve noticed a trend of girls being given names that would normally be people’s last names. Madison, Mackenzie, Larkin, etc. Not in favor of that. Also not in favor of deliberate misspellings like “Britni” and “Krystl”.
There was an article a while back that asked what expectations we had for our daughters when we give them names like “Amber” and “Tiffany”, while naming boys things like “Michael” and “Jason”. When’s the last time you met a doctor or lawyer named Amber?
I’m all for solid names like Carol, Mary, etc.
Report comment to moderator
I think it would be interesting to do a character study of the Puritan and Pilgrim kids that grew up with names like Remember Patience and Humility Jane.
Report comment to moderator
Amen, John. I think parents should give a child a name he/she can live with. My granddaughter had a thing for “Madison”. I said, “If you want to name a child after a city, why not choose an important one, like Miami or Seattle? Or, an unusual one like Billings.” I also don’t like last names for first names. Lots of people around here do that. I’m proud that my daughter in law chose good common names like Rebecca Ann, Mary Elizabeth, Jennifer Katherine. My wife is named Elvera. I love the name and resisted her attempt to go by “Vera”, which all her friends use. But she has to spell it (Elvera) every time she says it. I just don’t like fad names. My oldest granddaughter (Becky) is pregnant again. I’m sure the child will get a fad name. But we will love it anyhow.
Report comment to moderator
Most popular boys names right now? Aiden, Jaden, Caden, Braden, am I missing one?
The worst I’ve ever heard–this young man really exists–is named Harrison. It is the dreaded last name as first name. It might not be so bad if his last name was not Weiner. I’m not kidding. Don’t call him Harry; he’s a big kid and will come after you.
Did his parents not want him to survive middle school? Couldn’t a nurse at the hospital have talked the new parents out of it?
This really should be posted under the child abuse thread.
Report comment to moderator
Whatever you name your soon-to-be-seen undoubtedly adorable daughter, please spell her name conventionally.
WHY would any parent name their child Ryleigh–that poor, also adorable, little girl is condemned to spend THE REST OF HER LIFE spelling her name. I don’t know what our friends were thinking.
We have a silly last name (came with a great guy) and I always pronounce it and spell it immediately. Fortunately it’s short, but that then confuses people–”what did you say?” is almost always the response to my last name!
Report comment to moderator
My husband’s name is Stephen, which I always specify as “Stephen-with-a-ph” and started actually calling him “Ph” as a nickname. Our last name is a common one, but has 7 spellings, most of which start with “Sc” even though our spelling doesn’t. So when asked for my last name, I don’t even say it, I just say “I’ll spell it” and then spell it out. Even so, many times, if the person is writing slower than I spell it and they hear the following letters, they’ll still start writing “Sc”.
Report comment to moderator
They named our grandson Vincent, which took us off guard by the unusual choice, but the name suits the little guy to a T! Has from Day 1!
Then the granddaughter is Sydney, which I find rather masculine, but with Michelle as her middle name, helps soften it a bit, so I find I use both her names more than I might normally do.
Chas – I like the name, Madison.
Harrison – Where did you come up with Trudy Simmons name? Interesting!
Report comment to moderator
John — good point
Amber, Tiffany, Destiny,etc are good names if you work in a stip joint and thus lousy names for your daughter.
Mercedes ??? why not Ford, Chevrolet,Toyota, imagine naming your child Chevy
And please if only for your child’s teachers’ sake; spell the name correctly.
A boy in my high school was named Harry Kok. He legally added an “e” to the end so as to remove all doubt as to its pronunciation.
Report comment to moderator
I’ve been waiting for someone to say they knew someone who knew someone who once met some twins named Oranjello and Lemonjello.
There are a lot of bad baby name stories, and it’s hard to tell which are urban legends and which are true. Here are some I know of:
I have a friend who is an elementary school teacher (having taught is some “rough” neighborhoods). While in college and getting her teaching credits at the local school, she taught a set of twins named Niquil and Daquil (as in the medicins). She currently has a student named Amiracle (as in, A Miracle).
Another friend of mine is a nurse, and last year she cared to a person called “Noname” (No-NAH-Mee).
When in college, I would regularly be served at the local Wendys by a set of twins (I assume they were twins–both female, over 6 feet tall, and looked just alike) whose names were Tequila and Tekila. I don’t know if they were pronounced the same–I was just reading the name tags.
Report comment to moderator
I just remembered something hilarious about baby names. I had a friend named Amy Taylor, who married a guy named Chip Butts. Before they had kids, she always threatened to name them Harry and Seymour.
Harry Butts.
Seymour Butts.
HaHa.Thankfully, her kids are actually named Francie and Charlie.
Report comment to moderator
We gave our daughters rhyming names for fun. Sometimes I regret it, as everybody, including me, is doomed to get them mixed up.
Adios (#5), you forgot Hayden.
I agree with others about the spelling, although there’s never a guarantee. My wife is named Esther, spelled as in the Bible. Many times people spell it without the h, as though she is a chemical.
Report comment to moderator
Adios, Austin: My wife used to work with a man with a good last name, “Silver”. Except his parents named him “Sterling”. Child abuse.
I have nieces who changed the spelling of their names as adults.
As for “Madison”, granddaughter’s husband said “No”. So, The Beck named her fish Madison and son Caden. If you want to name a child for the capitol of a state, try Atlanta or Tallihassee.
I used to work with a guy whose name was Gwenn. He was at another site. Our secretary, in taking messages, always wrote from “Glenn”. I never corrected her.
Report comment to moderator
My wife’s name is Vania. I love the name in large part because I love the woman who comes with it, but helping people pronounce it when they see it written is almost a fulltime job.
Go ahead, friends? How did you pronounce it in your head when you read this? VIN-ia? VON-ya? VAN-ia? It’s van-EYE-a, but virtually nobody gets it right the first time.
This entered into deliberations over baby names, and tended toward the result that our kids have easily pronounced names.
Report comment to moderator
My husband met twins in the NICU last summer, Aubrey and Audrey. Aubrey was born first, of course – “b” comes before “d” in the alphabet.
Hubbie’s first name is his paternal grandmother’s maiden name and was very unusual when he was growing up. Now it’s pretty popular but almost as likely to be for a girl as for a boy.
My dad once had a student whose first name was Yellow Light.
Report comment to moderator
A schoolteacher in Santa Cruz, California–a reknown hippie area in the 70’s (and maybe still today, I’ll having dinner there tonight!)–had many kindergarten students with unusual names like Moonshine or Redwood.
Even so, she was puzzled by a little boy wearing a nametag which read “Fruit stand.” She called him that all day long–though he didn’t seem to answer to the name. It all became clear when it was time to go home.
Because the kids rode the bus, they wore name tags the first couple days identifying the child and the stop. When she flipped over Fruit Stand’s name tag to see where he got off she read: John.
When I had the third boy in a row, I realized the first two’s names were in alphabetical order, so for the third son I hunted for a name after K in the alphabet, just so people could keep better track of their birth order. As a good English major, I also insisted they have three syllable names to offset our one syllable last name. Only other English majors who know about scansion ever get it.
Report comment to moderator
I’ve got a really short, simple first and last name, and yet constantly have to correct spellings or get called the wrong name.
We named our daughter Emma, after my grandmother and great-grandmother, and, unknown to us when we chose it, my wife’s great-grandmother. We thought it was unique, but caught it just as the name became fashionable due to Friends. Seems like there are Emma all over the place, now.
I tend to dislike the trendy names, just because they are trendy. Daughter has a Madison, and a Madisun in her class. Ugh.
I’ll respectfully disagree on Mercedes being a car, though… it is a Spanish girl’s name, and the car was named after a person..not vice-versa.
My bro and sis-in-law pulled the Italian version of Matthew right out of thin-air – Matteo. First time I saw it, I said “Matty – O”
Report comment to moderator
I agree with the dislike of current naming trends.
I wouldn’t give any boys I had girls names (even though they all started as boy’s names) but I would give them either gender neutral names like Jamie, or girls’ middle names like Alexander Stacey (my mom’s name), Timothy Alexis, or Jackson Lilith. I think it is a good line between teaching them that gender itself cannot be built into them by bodies or names, but also not setting them up to be gender warriors against their will.
Girls I would name after my favorite scholarly authors. So if I had 10 daughters, they would be named in order: Wendy, Judith, Francoise, Susan, Donna, Sandra, Hannah, Bell, Karen, and Angela.
Report comment to moderator
My sister named one of her sons Micah (after the prophet) and was distressed when she started meeting little girls with that name. I have an unpublished writer I’m working with who has a male first name, and so she added (female) after her name in the e-mail asking me to edit her work.
I went to school in Chicago during the Michael Jordan era. One of my classmates married and had twins. Yes, she did–one was Michael, one Jordan.
I like looking at initials, too. In my family is a person whose initials are the same as his name (Ed, E.D.–or Ed D., which is a degree), a P.H.D. (with a son and a daughter with the initials M.D.–on purpose). A nephew who’s J.E.T. In my college was a man with his first and last name, and middle initial, on the glass door outside his office–and I never saw his name without spelling it with his initials, G.A.S. A friend from a musical family had the last name Capella, so his parents purposely gave him a first name beginning with A., a capella.
Cheryl is nearly always spelled the way my name is–but few people get it right if they write it without asking me first. I’d expect “Sheryl,” and go get it, but what I see as often as anything else is “Cherly.” Also “Sharall” and all sorts of other things. And my last name, which I won’t name, is spelled exactly the way it’s pronounced–but people nearly always spell it wrong anyway. (I once had a co-worker I’d worked with for about eight years–a fellow editor–send me a note with my last name misspelled with the common misspelling.)
Report comment to moderator
One of my dad’s friends from a long time ago had two sons named John and Knox. Yes, their father was a PCA pastor.
Report comment to moderator
Elizabeth Bennet Key
This name’s a twofer, because it also lets you brand yourself with the characteristics of a beloved literary character, Mr. Bennet. They’re both second daughters. Elizabeth is close to her beautiful older sister. Eliza Key sounds nice, and Bennet holds its on against Simmons.
Report comment to moderator
My son is Micah, and I had never heard of girl’s being named Micah until a couple years after he was born. I like it because it isn’t common, but isn’t weird, either. You wouldn’t believe the people who can’t pronounce it! I thought it seemed self-explanatory.
My daughter is Ayla. Many people misspronounce that one, too. Again, seems self-explanatory. We – well, I, was thinking of using the Finnish version of the name, Eila – but that REALLY would have thrown people for a loop on spelling and pronunciation!
Report comment to moderator
I generally have no objection to using last names for first names. It’s not anything new – my father, born in 1922, was named “Ward” because it was his grandmother’s maiden name. His brother named one of his sons Ward also, and another Preston after someone in his wife’s family.
The only time it’s confusing is if the last name is one that also is common as a first name. If I see the name Martin Thomas I’ll wonder if it was supposed to be written as Martin, Thomas. (I read an amusing anecdote, maybe in Readers Digest, about a soldier who was paged over the PA system, and everyone was very surprised to hear the request for “Pope, Paul” to report somewhere – since they couldn’t hear the comma in the announcement.) I have co-workers with the last names Terry, Carl, Kirk, Morris, Todd, and Tracy. Not the most common of first names, but I’ve known people with all of those as first names.
My advice to anyone would be if you want to go for an unusual name, pick one unusual enough that people will always ask how to spell it instead of thinking they know, and that can be shortened into a more common nickname. Our son Alaric goes by Al (I had suggested the possibilities of Larry and Ricky but my husband said no). And hardly anyone ever misspells it because either they just write Al or ask how to spell Alaric. (My husband had suggested the boy’s name Brion – pronounced BREE-ahn – but I said no, it would always be misspelled, and would sound too much like Brianna.)
Report comment to moderator
ok, maybe I’m missing something. Since when does a papl dispensation dictate a parents learning of their baby’s gender? Who gives a rat’s butt what a pope thinks?
Secondly, and I’m asking just because I have no clue, why are you asking us WoW blogheads advice on what to name YOUR child?
Report comment to moderator
I do not like deliberatly “cute” spellings of names, either. I have a nephew Domynick – I always have to think for a minute before writing it on his gift or card. He, and others I know, will forever be spelling their names for teachers, doctors, employers, etc. etc. How annoying!
Report comment to moderator
I like uncommon names, though as a teacher, I don’t like all the variations in spelling. My first year at the current school, I had a class with 4 girls named Brittany, each spelled differently, plus three Ashleys. At least they all spelled the names the same.
I had a friend who would suggest names to his expecting friends that were way out there, but when he married, his wife was more traditional, so their children are John, Katherine, William and James.
Report comment to moderator
Even in the interest of preserving family heritage, one should never give a strongly masculine name to a daughter. My sister carries the middle name of Hanson, and I’m not sure what my parents were thinking other than that it’s a family name. But really, Son of Hans? For a daughter?
Report comment to moderator
Just remember, girls enjoy names. So give her something she can enjoy. The more syllables the better.
Report comment to moderator
Peter L – my husband is a teacher, and we had a hard time with name selecting for our children because of it! Everytime I brought up a name, he would scowl and say “nope – I had a bratty kid by that name last year” or something to that effect. Every name reminded him of someone! So, we ended up with uncommon names, which I am happy with anyway.
Report comment to moderator
Back in the ’60s, while still living in NY, we nick-named my daughter Tracey [short for Therese]. At the time, I had never heard of any others with that name except the character Kathrine Hepburn played in “Philadelphia Story.” By the time she started kidnergarten in California, there were 6 or 7 Traceys [spelled various ways] in her class. So much for being original.
Another reason to give a child a conventional name with conventional spelling, although rather shallow, is that you can never find his/her name on those racks of things-with-names in the souvenier stores of places you visit. Then you have to listen to “why did you give me this weird name” all afternoon
I don’t know if it’s true but I once heard that Mr. Lear, of private jets fame, named his daughter Shanda. Shanda Lear! Good grief.
Justus331 #24 – I believe the line about the papal dispensation was just a joke, and HSK asking us for a childs name gave us an excuse for a light hearted discussion.
Report comment to moderator
I once taught grade seven history and in the three classes there were these variations of Kathleen
Katherine
Catherine
Kathleen
Katie
Kate
Katelyn
Kat
As a teacher I have a mental list of unacceptable names purely based on my experience.
Report comment to moderator
TL & HRW – we have friends who had a baby girl last week and had the same problem that she is a teacher and has “baggage” for every common name. They named her something so weird that I can’t even remember it right now.
Report comment to moderator
Hey. I’m the author of the book that this New York Times report was about, Bad Baby Names. Thanks for commenting on it! If you or your readers would like to know more, check out the book’s blog at http://www.badbabynames.net.
Report comment to moderator
I once worked in a restaurant where there where six guys named either Dave or David. One day a guy shows up at the back door during off hours to apply for an open dishwasher position. I told Chef. “Great!” he says, “I’ll be right there”.
“His name is Dave”, I add.
Dead silence, glare. Then, “Tell him he’s fired!!”
Sometimes I think this blog should be subtitled: “I’m Against It”, with the Ramone’s classic song of the same name playing in the background. Seems like you every topic starts with or degenerates into an “I’m Against It!” rant. I know that’s how the blog game is played, you have your take. But still, seems like many discussions are framed or evolve into a “here’s another thing we are against” trajectory.
I’m just sayin’…(the hip, new WMB disclaimer phrase)
And yes, I guess this post just contributed to the problem!
Report comment to moderator
Travis,
I’m just saying (note the finished word without the apostrophe to indicate the dropped letter. This is how the more mature woman uses this phrase to indicate she is just sayin’)
Report comment to moderator
Mumsee,
I like a woman who can bang out a hard G. You must be from higher up the panhandle, where contractions go to die – and all the children are good looking.
Report comment to moderator
Hey, TL, good choice of a boy’s name! We named our 7-year-old son Micah too. And I too was surprised to find girls with the name of a male prophet! I guess it’s just my maternal defensiveness kicking in, but I thought I had chosen a good male name!
The funniest name story I have is when we were using a preschool classroom and saw an unusual name on one of the cubbies – Dimarkchrissy. (Say it out loud 3 times and you’ll get it – LOL) And yes, that violates all the above rules on spelling.
Report comment to moderator
I used to say I was going to name my (hypothetical) boys Dakota and Montana, but now we have two dreadful little hollywood starlets with my precious names. They sounded all rugged and manly before.
Report comment to moderator
Cheryl is nearly always spelled the way my name is–but few people get it right if they write it without asking me first. I’d expect “Sheryl,” and go get it, but what I see as often as anything else is “Cherly.” Also “Sharall” and all sorts of other things. And my last name, which I won’t name, is spelled exactly the way it’s pronounced–but people nearly always spell it wrong anyway. (I once had a co-worker I’d worked with for about eight years–a fellow editor–send me a note with my last name misspelled with the common misspelling.)
I have a friend named Michael who often gets it spelled “Micheal.” It’s a common name but a lot of people don’t know how to spell it.
(He also hates it when people start calling him “Mike” without bothering to ask if that’s what he prefers — it isn’t.)
On another name related topic, I thought it was amusing in the ’70s and ’80s when the most prominent Hollywood tough guys were named Arnold and Sylvester … not names that would have been associated with that image.
Report comment to moderator
Get with the program HSK!
You sell the naming rights to your baby. There are companies that will pay you to name your child after their company or product. Yes, she will have an (R) after her name, but she will likely have college paid for, and then some.
Think of the possibilities:
Fanta
Ambien
Nyquil
Hickory Farm
Filet-o-fish
Aquafina
ADM (Supermarket to the World)
Disney on Ice
Report comment to moderator
One semester I taught college English, and had three boys named James. One went by James, the other two by Jim, and I was nervous all semester that I’d forget which one insisted on James. (I’m bad with names.) The good thing is that the three guys named James were three out of four of the largest guys in the class, so at least I could remember which were named James/Jim. Well, one day I called the fourth large guy (the non-James) “James” by mistake, and he got mad. I told him, “I’m sorry, but three out of four of the students over six feet are named James; it was an honest mistake, but I do know who you are.” He calmed down right away. (But I was glad that he was one of the big guys, and that I didn’t have to say, “All the other short dudes are named James….”)
My mom used to joke about biblical names for twins or triplets: Tryphena and Tryphosa, for instance. Her favorite set was Huz, Uz, and Buz.
My younger brother was once one of four Jeffs in his class. Through the years I haven’t met very many Jeffs, but I’ve rarely met anyone named Jeff who wasn’t born the same year as my brother, 1970.
Report comment to moderator
TL/#22,
I was thinking of using the Finnish version of the name, Eila – but that REALLY would have thrown people for a loop on spelling and pronunciation!
I inherited the Finnish pronunciation of Anna for my first name, so it’s pronounced Ah’-nah rather than Ann-nah. If they hear it, they can’t spell it, if they see it, they can’t pronounce it, even after repetition. My maiden last name was far worse, so I was glad to marry a wonderful man with a plain Anglo-Saxon last name!
Report comment to moderator
Cameron – you wouldn’t think Anna would be so difficult! I like the different pronunciation -
I, too, dislike when people shorten someone’s name without asking. I always use a person’s given name unless they introduce themselves in a different way. I often get checks from people as payment, so I know their legal name – sometimes before I am formally introduced.
My husband’s first name is Greg. That’s all. Not Gregory. But everyone assumes it’s Gregory, since most Gregs start out that way. Always good to ask.
Report comment to moderator
Cameron, I also like the name Anna pronounced that way. Graceland, I did call TL’s (she’s my daughter) newborn daughter, Noname, pronounced as you wrote, for a few hours after her birth. They took a few hours after her birth to finally decide on her name. In their defense, she was 6 weeks early.
The strangest name we have in the family is my grandson, Bojer, pronounced Boyer. He was named after some famous fisherman whose name was on a statue in Alaska. His father is a commercial fisherman. I have never seen the name anywhere else.
My niece was named Cassie Jones (pronounced Casey) and her father worked on the railroad. They had a write up in the local paper about that. Her brother was named Gerry John Paul Jones. He went by John Paul all his life and was shocked when they insisted he go by Gerry when he was in the Marines. He had a hard time remembering to answer to it. He officially had it changed when he got out.
Report comment to moderator
TL and KI,
Thanks! I actually went by the American pronunciation through high school because my last name was a mouthful, but in college I was finally mature enough to use it.
Report comment to moderator
back to topJoin The Conversation
You need to be a registered user of WORLDmag.com's Community section to "join the conversation."
If you are not a member yet, what are you waiting for? Register / Login Now!