Books that make me not like you
I almost didn’t become friends with Eric (not his real name) when I heard him talk so admiringly of The Purpose-Driven Life. I didn’t mean to judge him so severely, but the book, at the time, represented for me everything bad about Evangelicalism. As soon as he mentioned it, very early in our friendship at work, I questioned the premises of the book. He looked hurt, more than angry. I still don’t like that book, but Eric managed to forgive me, and I managed to apologize (not for not liking the book, but for being such a self righteous moron), and we’re still friends today. This essayist has experienced similar book-related relationship problems.
Some years ago, I was awakened early one morning by a phone call from a friend. She had just broken up with a boyfriend she still loved and was desperate to justify her decision. “Can you believe it!” she shouted into the phone. “He hadn’t even heard of Pushkin!”
We’ve all been there. Or some of us have. Anyone who cares about books has at some point confronted the Pushkin problem: when a missed – or misguided – literary reference makes it chillingly clear that a romance is going nowhere fast. At least since Dante’s Paolo and Francesca fell in love over tales of Lancelot, literary taste has been a good shorthand for gauging compatibility. These days, thanks to social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, listing your favorite books and authors is a crucial, if risky, part of self-branding.
In a pluralist culture, I suppose your Amazon Wish List is as much a cultural signifier as anything else. I somehow managed to marry a woman who not only reads books that I loathe, but who reads books that I find hard categorizing as “books.” Nevertheless, viva la difference. Have you had any similar book differences?



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back to top52 Comments to “Books that make me not like you”
I chuckled and then sent the link to the article to a male friend, with whom the only thing I have in common is shared reading tastes.
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I wish I had that problem. Most of the people I know have hardly ever read A book, much less the several books that would be required to establish literary preferences.
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Spent a lot of time making fun of Rick Warren-istas. Love the first line in his book “It’s not about you.” Ironincally the rest of the book is about me. Since the advent of YOUR BEST LIFE NOW, I consider Warren-istas to be brothers in arms. As the evangelical culture continues to dumb down I find it easier to stomach the more “orthodox”. Warren is a hyper calvinist compared to Osteen.
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With my husband and I it is not just books. I doubt he has ever read a work of fiction where the hero had more than one syllable in his name (Jack, Dirk, Bond, James Bond)and I read very few books who’s author is still alive. But we also have a problem with music. He likes classical. I like sappy.
That is why as far as our son is concerned, hubbie is in charge of music and I’m in charge of literature.
That way he will get Mozart and Dickens instead of Clive Cussler and Celine Dion.
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I read informational “how to” books. Currently the subject is woodturning. Other years it was sailing, woodworking, paper (modeling), rockets, etc. etc.
It’s hard to get worked up over differences in that area…
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unless I spend too much money that is….
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And who the heck is “Pushkin” anyway?
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My husband and I have overlapping interests in books – science fiction/fantasy – although our favorite authors differ. I’ve read some of his (David Eddings, Piers Anthony, Orson Scott Card) and he has read some of mine (Randall Garrett, Stephen Lawhead). And we both enjoy Isaac Asimov and Anne McCaffrey.
He was somewhat annoyed that it took me until last year to pick up his books by Katherine Kurtz, and that it was only because someone on the blog here (donato) suggested that I would enjoy her Deryni novels.
But our biggest different regarding books is whether to buy or borrow from the library. He likes to buy them so he can read them over and over, and he wants each set of books to match (no mixing hardcovers with paperbacks or different size paperbacks). I rarely read a novel more than once, and if I do buy a book it’s usually second-hand, so books in a set don’t usually match.
We have much bigger differences in tastes in music and movies. And our boys for the most part share his tastes rather than mine. So I read a book while they watch movies.
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Llamas don’t need a book to tell us not to like you humans
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Since I retired, there is no one with whom I can discuss books. My son likes Stephen King, whom I’ve never read. My wife is such a slow reader, our house is full of books she may read someday. I have a housefull of books I mean to keep and a box full of books I need to take to the “Book Nook” to re-sell. I read current events (presently about Islam), science fiction (Pournell, Niven), anything by Clancy, or Joel Rosenberg. Of course, I read “Same Kind of Different as Me. I tried, a couple of times, to read Nectar in A Sieve, a story about a woman in India, married at age 12, trying to make it through life. My granddaughter recommended it; but I can’t get into it. I will try again.
Reading habits and preferences should have nothing to do with selecting friends. There was a comment over the weekend about “allows me to listen …”. My wife watches Dr. Phil and Oprah. I detest both, but it doesn’t affect anything between us. She doesn’t like Rush and football. So There
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I like Cussler, Dale Brown, Larry Bond, Coontz(sp.) and the like. Dale Brown being my favorite. Can any of you make suggestions for more authors like him?
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And of course I have read “Velvet Elvis” and don’t like it.
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Attending a certain unnamed seminary had me interacting with people who fawn all over (that means to uncritically embrace) documentaries by the likes of Michael Moore, herald as prophets people like Naomi Klein, and give inspired status to any document from the IPCC. Some of my closest friendships are from that school…I must be nuts.
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He’s Russian, MakeItMan. One of their biggies. They get insulted if you don’t know Pushkin. Just tell them you’ve only gotten half way through Dostoevsky!
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I just finished reading a novel called The Year of Fog, in which every Christian is a negative stereotype. Yet one (non-Christian) character’s favorite novel is The Moviegoer by Walker Percy. I wondered if the author understands Percy at all.
Some women in my Bible study group love Joel and Victoria Osteen. One woman forwards the Osteens’ daily devotionals to me sometimes. I don’t read them; I don’t think it would be productive to discuss my feelings about them with my friend.
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For years I had a friend whose tastes in books were sometimes wonderfully attuned to mine. Many, many of my favorite books were directly or indirectly a result of her recommendations.
But for some reason, the books she loaned to me in a “here, read this one” way were nearly always horrid. The biggest thing was that she and I both grew up fundamentalist (no drinking, no movies, etc.), and she grew to loathe that background whereas I simply put it behind me and moved on. (I still have high personal standards, and many of my family are still proud fundamentalists.) I’m not sure if my friend thought that my animosity toward legalistic fundamentalism was as great as her own, or merely that it should be, but she kept loaning me Oprah book club picks (which usually have a Christian as a bad guy) and similar books.
And what do you say when you return such a loaner? Are you even obligated to read it? Must you like it, if you do read it? I returned book after book with comments such as, “It bothered me that the Christian was shown in such a bad light, but the description of the Amazon jungle was good.”
I try to do a better job matching books with readers when I recommend something, but I imagine I don’t always do it well either!
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#11 NOTROBBELL,
You could be my twin. You named most of the folks like Dale Brown – but he is the best. His next book, Shadow Command comes out sometime soon in 2008.
#10 Chas,
Theodore Sturgeon won the International Fantasy award (believe in 1952) for a Sci Fi book called ‘More than Human.’ It was the book that hooked me on Sci Fi.
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The tastes of my wife an I could not be more disparate. She likes Christian fiction and devotionals, I devour science fiction and fantasy with a dose of trivia or history.
And yet, that is a good thing I think. We are both better for having different reading experiences.
As to friends and acquaintances, I have one other couple I know who enjoys the books I do. AS of yet, I’ve met no one else, or at least no one who will admit it. Too much stigma associated with the genre in the church I suppose. I wish I knew more folks who like what I like, such as your husband and yourself.
I’ve lost several acquaintances when I mention what I read, either because they think I’m sinning, or becasue they think I must be an idiot if I read such “trash”.
Sad.
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Sorry I menat to say such as Pauline and her husband as well as Llama.
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I’m dumping you if you have any of these on your shelf.
1. Author Surname = Coulter, O’Reilly, Hannity, Winfrey, McGraw
2. More than 4 ‘Self Help’ books
3. Anything with a positive perspective on Nebraska football
4. Author = televangelist
5. “Less Cowbell”
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Bye, Travis. I have a couple of #1, probably (with thousands of books in my library) a few that would qualify as #2, and I’ve edited one (Falwell) that would count as #4.
Been nice knowing you.
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Cheryl,
At least you didn’t have a #3. That would probably cause me to slam the door on you on your way out.
{wink}
Now go and sin no more. dump those #1s, #2s, and #4s off at the recycling center.
{wink} {wink}
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I’m afraid I’m a bit of a snob, in regards to music as well as books, but I don’t think I’ve lost any friendships over it. I haven’t read any Pushkin yet, even though my sister keeps telling me to. I’m still on Dostoevsky.
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Travis, It was nice knowing you. I have an O’Rilley, and a Coulter and I used to have a Hannity.
I read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” when I was young and thought I could influence someone. It never worked, and I gave up.
But i have a collection of how to fix things around the house. I hope that doesn’t count.
I don’t even have anything on Gamecock football, but I read a book by Joe Gibbs once.
NO televangelists, but who is “Less Cowbell”?
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I own a few books by Ann Coulter. I’m not so sure that the other authors in #1 write their own books.
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I’ll read anything that’s not tied down
I tend to read in streaks. Sometimes it’s classics, sometimes history, sometimes current events, sometimes it’s junk. I’ll get caught up in one genre or another, to the detriment of anything else. I’ve just been through a period of reading “hard-boiled detective” paperbacks [Michael Connelly] and need now to un-fry my brain with something deeper. When I feel the need to shift into a higher gear in my reading, I generally go back to Steinbeck. I did the Russian novelists when I was younger & probably will again someday, but not right now.
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Books are an enormous part of my life-outside-the-office and I claim, only partly kidding, that I married my husband for his library collection. I honestly don’t think I could have married someone who didn’t love really awesome books, particularly fiction.
And we’ve rarely disagreed on a book’s quality since then (though I’m a Jonathan Franzen devotee, and he’s more of a Cormac McCarthy guy, but we’ve read and enjoyed both).
I really don’t think either of us could stomach any political books, though.
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I tired, I really tried, to find a way to read some of the Sci-Fi my husband loves, along with the fantasy the kids like. Even The Courtship of Princess Leia failed to keep my interest.
But, the good man has read Jane Austen more times than I have, so I’m keeping him!
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I think Travis will still talk to me. I also do not know who or what Less Cowbell is.
I confess I just finished Stephen King’s latest book, and it was very, very good. I like a good scare.
I like Kayvee’s approach. Read anything that strikes your fancy. I even read cookbooks.
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Chas,
Well, thankfully there is also a “Music That Makes Me Like You” clause that over-rules the “Books That Make Me Not Like You” rule. Said differently, stained Glass BlueGrass on your radio trumps having an O’Reilly/Coulter full house on your bookshelf. Always!
There is no book called Less Cowbell, but if there was, well, you can’t have it on your shelf. Hmm, how to explain…
More Cowbell is a popular catchphrase that started from a 2000 Saturday Night Live skit starring Christopher Walken. They spoof a famous Blue Oyster Cult song, and Walken plays the sound engineer who keeps demanding that the band do another cut, but with “more cowbell”. “It needs more cowbell!!”
Now a somewhat overused piece of slang, ‘more cowbell’ is akin to saying “Turn it Up”, “Step it up”, “another round!”, etc.
Hard to describe. Even harder to describe and make it funny. You had to be there.
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HSK
How did your wife feel about the comments you made about her in this article?
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I am a book omnivore. Depending on my mood and attention span, I might be reading a popular novel, a classic, or some non-fiction on any of a wide variety of topics.
Because of that it’s hard for me to name any one thing that would cause me to look askance at a person. More troubling would be someone who limits themselves to a narrow range of reading material.
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Reg,
I went bad and reread the posting, thinking I’d missed something. He didn’t say anything bad about his wife, just that he doesn’t like the books she likes. So I imagine she’d say the same thing about the books he reads, that she doesn’t like them. Just my guess.
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I’ve check out a couple of Ann Coulters from the Library. Does that count?
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I own a few books by Ann Coulter. I’m not so sure that the other authors in #1 write their own books.
I wish Coulter didn’t. I’d feel better if I could believe that she has been punked by an evil ghostwriter and that nobody really thinks that way.
Unfortunately, it isn’t so. So now I’m resting on a faint hope that she’s one day going to reveal it was all a big ruse on her part, to see how offensive a person could be and still sell books.
But that isn’t likely either.
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35.
Well, STEVEG, just substitute Michael Moore or Al Franken in place of Ann Coulter and I know exactly how you feel! : )
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I wouldn’t say I like them any less, but I certainly have less to talk about with folks who consider Khalil Gibran’s “The Prophet”:
a) poetry
b) “deep”
c) useful in life beyond what it can be hocked for at a used book store to reinvest in something more worthwhile, like maybe a Calvin and Hobbes compendium.
I’m probably dating myself {:~)
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Ann Coulter’s writing might shock you, but the truth is often shocking and has a habit of being very un-PC.
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Samuel: I think that any connection between Ann Coulter and the truth is coincidental. But apart from that, she says what she has to say in the most offensive way possible. She goes out of her way to offend, gratuitously.
Example:
The truth would be: “Some of the women whose husbands were killed in the 9/11 attacks were able to use their status to get a hearing for their political ideas that might not have been available to them otherwise.”
Ann Coulter’s version of the truth: “I’ve never seen women enjoying their husband’s deaths so much.”
She has no place among serious commentators, right or left. You can have her.
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I’m probably dating myself {:~)
George! Are you schizophrenic?
Travis…
I have all of Rush Limbaughs books on my shelf? Does that induce you to dump me? What if I said I hadn’t read any of them? Would that make you come back? What if I said I find Al Franken, Michael Moore, and (the late) Molly Ivins to be as distasteful as Ann Coulter? Would you dump me again? What if I said my PC is tuned to a bluegrass station right now? Would you still love me? Please tell me it’s not over!
I tend to read Westerns, Science Fiction, or Fantasy novels if I get the chance. I usually tend to stay away from them lately, as I’ve been known to stay up all night to finish a story. So unless I’ve got lots of time to kill I don’t go to the library much any more. I rent movies instead. At least I know they’ll be finished in a couple hours…
My wife doesn’t read novels at all, and tends to read things by Yancy or D.A. Carson.
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NJLawyer,
I must admit that I collect cook books and enjoy reading them often. I am sure that I have several hundred. I have an excuse though being a certified, if loony and a bit eclectic, chef of the highest order – what ever that is.
Where ever I go I am always invited into the kitchen to cook and mingle – they sort of go together. It’s always me and the girls chit chatting our way to obesity over a hot stove with a cold drink
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I enjoy reading books on theology, geology, creation (from an old-earth perspective) and history. I’d much rather read something on geochemistry or exobiology than watch a movie. My lovely wife, on the other hand, enjoys reading clean romance books and enjoys watching movies. Very incompatible reading habits, but I think our marriage is richer for it. We do have books we read together. Right now we’re working on D.A. Carson’s A Call to Spiritual Reformation together.
Here’s my chance to list some books which I see as heretical, goofy, or both:
–Finney: Revival Lectures
–Anderson: The Bondage Breaker
–Left Behind series
–Osteen, Warren, Prayer of Jabez
–Most stuff by ICR/Answers in Genesis (goofy, not heretical)
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I walk away from anyone who says there is no difference between Harry Potter books and LOTR.
I cannot abide people who look down their nose when a work of fiction is mentioned and say, “Oh, I wish I had time to read something light, but I never have time to read (pause, swallow) fic-tion.
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Kevin, I read the “Left Behind” series. But I didn’t buy into the premise of a pre-trib rapture. Also, I had lots of trouble with this “left behind” scholar who was so certain of what would happen next. I’m not certain of everything that will happen. I am absolutely certain that it won’t be that way.
I agree with Deb.
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Thank you Chas!
I agree w/ having problems w/ Left Behind but not the same as yours. I prayerfully, hopefully believe in a pre-trib rapture. What drove me crazy were the main characters who didn’t take time to read the Bible, even Revelations! I can understand (ha!) them not taking the time to find semi-obscure passages in Daniel and Ezekiel, but not to read Revelations as they were living it? “Oops, better check the website to see what is going to happen next”.
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Chas and Deb,
It remains unlikely that I will ever read the Left Behind series. I might, however, take some time this summer to read Right Behind: A Parody of Last Days Goofiness by Nathan Wilson.
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33-
I am not asking what someone else thinks about what was said about Harrison’s wife, I am asking how that wife FEELS about what was said about HER.
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But Reg, nothing was said about HER. You seem to be trying to stir up marriage conflict where there’s no evidence of any.
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Cheryl – Harrison’s comment that his wife “…reads books that I loathe,” & “books that I find hard categorizing as ‘books.’ ” struck me as being kinda snooty towards her.
Harrison, please forgive me for saying so (if you’re even reading this), but sometimes you do come across, at least to me, as if you think yourself intellectually superior to those who don’t have the same tastes or interests as you. I hope I’m wrong, though.
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47-IF the wife still feels…
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For a person who has never been married to assume that she can use logic to discern what is going on or not going on in someone else’s marriage is deceiving herself with a worldly understanding of knowledge. Adam knew his wife, Eve, not in logic, but in reality.
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Reg – What do you mean?
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