This calls for a celebration!
Americans love to celebrate. Just consider the list of parties we’ve created to do just that: birthday parties, anniversary parties, baptism parties, first communion parties, bar mitzvah parties, Christmas parties, harvest parties, office parties, retirement parties, wedding and baby shower parties, and even housewarming parties. (And I’m sure you all could name a few more.)
But have you heard of divorce parties?
If just discussing divorce in public seemed taboo a few years ago, the growing trend of divorce celebrations is helping lessen the stigma surrounding the end of marriage.
“Yes, it’s sad and it’s painful, but it’s not failure,” says Christine Gallagher, the owner of Los Angeles event company The Divorce Party Planner and the author of a book by the same name. “It’s part of life, and yet it’s the only major event for which we have no ritual.
“A celebration communicates that divorce is OK–life-affirming, even.”
Divorced individuals like Cathryn Michon, 38, say such parties are a practical way for family and friends to support the newly-single individual. “If you split up, someone’s getting the blender and someone’s not,” she said. “My own celebration was a way for my friends to say, ‘We love you no matter what, and by the way, here are a few appliances you’re missing.’ Believe me, a toaster means a lot more when your heart’s broken than on your wedding day. Especially if you’re out thousands of dollars in legal fees.”
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back to top22 Comments to “This calls for a celebration!”
I’ll pass.
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It’s amazing what people will do to try to heal their hurts. I tend to eat. Others throw parties that make themselves the center of attention. Sad
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I guess there’s no place for reflection on why the person got divorced.
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Once again I will refer you all to my beloved Sweet Potato Queen books: See her book the Wedding Planner and Divorce Guide. Unfortunately for some of us divorce is part of our life. I never planned to get one but it happened.
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This is awful. There is nothing “life-affirming” about divorce. A funeral for the marriage would be more appropriate.
The friends who I have walked with through divorce have all said the hardest thing is when people slap them on the back and say “Congratulations!” and hand them a bottle of some kind of liquor. One friend said, “didn’t she know soemthing was ripped off of me? Something died?”
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Yes, Kim, divorce is a part of some people’s lives but it’s nothing to celebrate.
It’s been described similar to a death and people do some serious grieving.
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Yeah, but to throw a party!!!? Did you or do you celebrate your divorce Kim?
Two of the people I know who have gotten divorced lately might have thrown a party, but the ones they left definitely weren’t celebrating…
Hell, why not celebrate at a funeral? “Oh good, they are dead now, let’s celebrate!”
I can see some of our leftist pigs celebrating the death of someone, but I don’t advocate it.
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It is a death. It is a death of a long held dream that you could be different that you could make it work. It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to break it. I decided long ago I had two choices. I could laugh or I could cry. Once the tears dried, I would have loved to have some girlfriends over to tell me everything was going to be OK and that it wasn’t the end of the world.
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Yes, Kim, but having the girlfriends coming over to tell you everything will work out is more like sitting shiva than having a party.
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Make it Man: “leftist pigs?” Did you get up on the offensive side of the bed this morning?
My personal take from the article is that Christine Gallagher, who runs the company promoting the party idea, sounds like an opportunist capitalizing on grief. But Cathryn Michon makes a very good point about both the emotional and practical benefit of being surrounded by supportive friends and gifted with a few needed things that went with the ex-spouse.
I don’t think most people who divorce, including those who instigate it, often see it as a good thing. But it does happen, because people are broken and life is not always simple. I would think the best Christian response would be love and prayer and support — for both parties — and not judgment.
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I would not want to attend one of these celebrations. If one still loves both parties, it would be too painful to attend such a thing. I have listened to many divorced people who are still grieving their broken marriages. Listening goes a long way, as does helping in various ways. But a party with gifts? I know several who have had 3 marriages with all the gifts. Those who have been married for years don’t get new gifts when the old ones are long broken or worn out. If we know someone has need of something, we can certainly give it for a birthday, holiday or no special reason. I would not want to give it in an air of celebration.
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Hey SteveG,
Did I mention your name? No I did not. Don’t take it personally.
Every time there’s an announcement of the death of a famous conservative, someone always mouth’s off about how happy they are that he/she is dead. I’m sick of this terribly ungracious attitude, and I’m past being gracious about it. If (and I don’t think you are one of them) you are one of those leftist pigs, I’m not at all sorry about labeling you as such.
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KI #11,
” I would not want to attend one of these celebrations. If one still loves both parties, it would be too painful to attend such a thing”
But don’t you understand, part of the ritual of divorce is demanding that all your friends immediately choose sides, and alienating everybody who chooses the other party.
I’ve never known anybody that got divorced, where I was able to remain friends with either party.
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This may come as a shock to some – but divorce parties are quite likely a centuries old tradition – even if unknown by so many.
Make it Man,
You are right about the leftist pigs celebrating a death of one they hated – it happens all the time. Yesterday, all you had to do was go to any leftist website like the Daily Kos and see what they wrote about Heston. It was really sick what they said about this great man they were so afraid of. This happens every time a conservative of note dies. They celebrate everything bad that happens to conservatives much like Islamic terrorists that were dancing in the streets and handing out candy to children on 911. All terrorists are the same; no self control, no same and they can never be satisfied.
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Those of us who are single don’t get wedding showers (or even housewarming parties), so I think those who are newly divorced can deal with just keeping some of the wedding gifts, and buying their own stuff. If a single mother is in need of some things, that’s a different issue.
The idea of celebrating a divorce is creepy. For the person who has been rejected, divorce might be a bit of a relief–it’s over. I can see taking a friend out after her divorce so that she can talk. But it’s not something to celebrate with a party, or something is wrong.
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Fifteen comments so far, and no one told me whether or not the kid are invited to this party. If so, what kind of presents do they get?
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Any present the kid gets is not enough to make up for the damage it does them…
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How can anyone celebrate something which GOD doesn’t want? Do we celebrate sin? Divorces don’t come about by a couple who wants to stay married and work out their problems, it only takes ONE person in that ‘couple’ to break whatever bonds they have.
Sometimes there is no other alternative but to seek a divorce, however there’s nothing to celebrate. Children are most always involved, PERHAPS being pulled apart so often by one parent or the other, being forced to move from their home, maybe attending another school or church.
I would be surprised if a Believer would even think of a party/celebration.
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Several years ago I heard of some liberal church offering divorce ceremonies where the man and woman enter together but leave separately. This party is just an extension of the ceremony.
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If the marriage resembled life in hell, a divorce celebration can be seen as an affirmation of individual freedom.
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From the article; “Burning is big,” says Gallagher, who’s seen everything from wedding dresses to a husband’s trophy deer head go up in flames at divorce celebrations organized by her event-planning outfit. The parties — two or three per month — serve up signature cocktails with names like the So Long and the Sucker, split-themed soundtracks (”Hit the Road, Jack” and “I Will Survive” are popular) and dartboards adorned with the ex’s face.
Yeah this could be difficult if you were friends with both.
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To me this is just another example of trying to downplay the seriousness of the covenant that has been broken. Yes, there are cases when one or both parties might be relieved that it is over, but even in the worst marriages I think there is still loss. After all, the person you divorced was once your “true love”. You share memories and history, even if you don’t share children. I think this is a matter of “party so no one sees that your heart is breaking”. No one wants to be seen as weak.
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