Comments on: Marriage: It’s not about you

By: Reg

Reg — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:05:53 +0000

but both parties don’t, God made a provision for that reality

By: Karen O

Karen O — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 14:20:27 +0000

Reg – I would think that God would much rather prefer that both parties seek to heal their marriage. I think you agree with this, don’t you?

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By: Reg

Reg — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 12:30:31 +0000

Karen–

“Reg – Are you saying one of those books mentions that women have a “right” to suffer? And would that mean that women have the right to endure suffering (presumably at the hands of their husbands) or that they have the right to acknowledge their suffering?”

I have an acquaintance who reacted against the view taught in Callison’s Divorce: A Gift of God’s Love (according to the original language of the Bible, OT and NT) because she was standing up for the place of suffering in women’s lives. “Suffering” may occur in all relationships, but a relationship that is characterized by one partner being “put away” by the other partner, is NOT the kind of suffering that God requires of women!! In fact, the way of escape God designed for being put away is divorce. Don’t put away, just divorce.

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By: Karen O

Karen O — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 22:08:50 +0000

I can see how someone not knowing my friend could question her stating that “…we never seem to get our cup full of what we desire. It seems like life shortchanges us on so many counts”.

If you knew her, you’d know that she is not complaining or lacking faith or thinking we deserve better. She knows that we all have desires & yearnings which will not be met, particularly by the fallen humans in our lives.

But her advice & counsel has always been to trust completely in Christ, to let Him be our all in all. We especially need to remember this in the closest of our relationships, like our marriages.

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By: Karen O

Karen O — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 22:00:04 +0000

After sharing, via e-mail, some struggles in my own marriage (which is generally a very good one), my good friend/pastor’s wife (who also has a good marriage) wrote the following…

“I came to the conclusion a long time ago, that my wifing my husband is my service to the Lord. Oh, Karen, we never seem to get our cup full of what we desire. It seems like life shortchanges us on so many counts. So, you have to decide that this is your ministry to Christ – regardless of the loss you feel, Jesus is keeping record of your heart attitude toward your family.”

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By: Karen O

Karen O — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 18:13:36 +0000

Reg – Are you saying one of those books mentions that women have a “right” to suffer? And would that mean that women have the right to endure suffering (presumably at the hands of their husbands) or that they have the right to acknowledge their suffering?

Even in a healthy marriage, there will be a degree of suffering. No one can hurt you more than the one with whom you are one flesh. To embrace, so to speak, that suffering, to let God teach us how to die to ourselves, & to learn & grow from this kind of suffering is part of God’s plan for fine-tuning & pruning us. (Mixed metaphors!)

And the husbands endure their own suffering, when they strive to love their wives as Christ loved the church, to put their wives’ needs ahead of their own, & become the servant-leader God calls them to be.

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By: Reg

Reg — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 12:15:38 +0000

43-
I wonder if your wife, who benefited from Pearl’s writings, would now be willing to speak the radical language of the other side of worldly feminism?

Like a friend of mine responded to Callison’s Divorce: A Gift of God’s Love: “That does away with the role of suffering in the lives of women…”
think about it: the RIGHT of women to suffer!!

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By: panther

panther — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 04:58:45 +0000

Reg-

Sorry for your hurt. I’m not sure I understand your point in 38. I agree that there is a difference between putting away and divorce and I understand that. But I also understand the passage to be addressed to what are supposed to be the ones who claimed love God the most and were the biggest screwups. So while they were using the putting away to excuse their behavior, Jesus was putting them further on the hook. Still doesn’t make it ok for a guy to do anything like what happened to you.

As for your comment at 29, I agree with you that she shouldn’t be counseling women to stay with their abuser but my understanding is that she also isn’t condemning women who choose to leave. But that is my wife’s opinion as I have not read it.

Adios-
You are right but not all guys are like that. But we should never read anything by ourselves, including Sacred Marriage.

Bianca-
I don’t know anything about you or how you are defining crazy but the book has meant a lot to my wife who was raised by an incredibly strong willed, brilliant, feminist who was an enemy of God well into my wife’s formative years.

But to all of you, I merely commented that that book showed my wife what she wanted to be. I did mispost and should have included “often” for my wife as she is less of a gift giver than I am but has read the book several times with several different ladies. She doesn’t read it with everyone because of responses like yours. Sorry to offend so completely.

Sacred Marriage is still a great book.

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By: Reg

Reg — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 18:53:47 +0000

Bianca,
OK, I read the reviews on Amazon; glad I never wasted my time there.

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By: Reg

Reg — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 18:27:01 +0000

40, 27-
I think you mean 27. How are the Pearls crazy?

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