So there I was, perking along in writerly fashion when — wham! — mononucleosis cut me down at the knees. I spent most of April in bed, but it appears I am now on the mend. For the mercifully uninitiated, mono is caused by the Epstein-Barr virus, which attacks the liver, spleen, and respiratory system. Mono commonly hits people between the ages of 15 and 25. Most people over 35 have been exposed and are therefore immune to the virus. I guess that makes me special.

The first signs of mono are a wicked sore throat, glands the size of golf balls, and utter exhaustion. And when I say exhaustion, I don’t mean tired. I mean feeling-like-roadkill-that’s-still-breathing. For the first week, I was able only to sleep or lie in bed, eyes open and panting, like one of those animals in a documentary that gets shot with a dart.

A person can learn a lot from having mono. I have learned:

  • That my husband is a wonderful nurse. I am telling you, from the time my lab tests came back, I didn’t lift a finger. My husband and sons took over everything.
  • That I have ace blogging colleagues. They have cheerfully picked up my slack without a single complaint.
  • That I have wonderfully compassionate editors who have allowed me all the time and space I need for recovery. (The only pressure I feel is from my Type A self!)

I have also learned a new unit of measurement — the “frasier.” A frasier is equal to 22 minutes, which is the amount of time it takes to watch one DVR’d rerun of Frasier, my favorite TV show, if I fast-forward through all the commercials. You see, when you have mono, your body counts everything as “work.” Taking a shower, reading, getting dressed, even talking on the phone. After expending any energy at all, I had to rest. Often, I measured this rest in frasiers: “After I take a shower, I’ll rest for two frasiers.” (44 minutes.) “In three frasiers, I’ll go nuke a Lean Cuisine.”

See? Marking time without watching the clock. Very convenient.

Though I’m definitely improving, I’m not yet back up to full speed and so I still won’t be blogging for awhile. But I know many of you have been wondering what was ailing me, so I wanted to check in and tell you it’s not terminal, and also to say “thank you!” for your prayers.