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Something Light: The best and worst of Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is this Sunday, which means children (and smart fathers) around the nation are scrambling to select the perfect gift to honor the special mother in their life. While some will succeed, others will fail, as many a mom can attest.
So with the hope of sparing some poor mom from befalling the same fate, moms, please share the worst Mother’s Day gifts you’ve ever received. And then, by way of suggestion to all those still shopping, be sure to mention the best gifts, too.
Topic: Just for Fun, WorldMagBlog
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back to top41 Comments to “Something Light: The best and worst of Mother’s Day”
Two years ago my hubby surprised me with a carved wooden duck that I had admired the day before in a Garden Shop. His name is Colin and he sits on a table in our front hallway (the duck, not the husband).
It wasn’t the duck that made it special, it was the fact that he noticed I liked it and made the effort (huge, for a shopping-impaired male) to go back to the shop and get it.
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For three years straight I hinted then finally told my husband what I wanted for Mother’s day. I wanted an inexpensive, little small mouth vase to put all the “flowers” my son picks and brings to me from the yard and back form walks and such. Finally two days after mother’s day I remind him one more time and bought me two.
This thread brings up a problem I have. With mother’s day and my anniversary coming up, I really could use a new vacuum cleaner, but I’m afraid if I ask my husband for one as a gift he would think it was a trick to get him in trouble.
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Kbells – You tried “hinting” with you husband? Mine taught me long ago that men just don’t “get” hints. If ya want something, come out & say it.
I still have trouble with that at times, as I do not want to be a demanding woman.
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Saturday (May 10th) will be the 18th anniversary of Helen and mine’s first date. We met at an Assembly of God church in the hometown. Yes, it was the day before Mother’s Day and she had a certain agenda to see if I was worth keeping.
After enjoying the day together, she wanted to know if I was willing to take her to the popular garden center to get her mom a rose bush to be planted in front of the house she lived in. The way she figured, if I was willing to bring her to get the rose bush, I was able to think of family members I’d only met once, therefore I was a “keeper”.
We went, and after an hour or so looking at various plants, we selected the one she liked, and when we got to her house, I actually dug the hole and placed it in its home thusly. From that day forward, I was seen as “the right one”. We were married 16 years later.
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What I really, really want for this Mother’s Day is for my older daughter to be in church with me.
She’s been absent from church lately much more than she has been present, cuz her live-in boyfriend “doesn’t like the whole church thing”. He doesn’t like having to sit & wait for her while she’s gone (poor boy!), especially if there’s an after-church lunch (which happens once a month) for which, BTW, he is invited to join us, but doesn’t.
I made it clear to her that I’d really like her to be with us in church Sunday morning. Instead, she’s going to be with her boyfriend’s family for their Mother’s Day brunch. (They have a Sunday brunch for every special occasion.) Then they’ll come over to our house in the afternoon for pizza.
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I’ll share the best and worst Mother’s day I ever had. It was the same day. We were stationed in Bad Toelz, Germany, less than an hour’s drive from Oberammergau, the site of the famous Passionspiel. We were able to obtain a pair of tickets for one of the dress rehearsals before the grand iopening for the summer of 1990. Tickets are difficult to come by because they are usually sold in blocks to foreign travel agencies. You have to be a local dignitary to get them, but we had friends who knew a bank president in Garmisch. The tickets we were able to get were for the Mother’s Day performance. There was not going to be another opportunity to see it.
Mother’s Day morning, I woke up sick as a dog, with a stomach virus that was going through our community and was miserable. I went anyway. It was probably one of the most selfish things I have ever done, but I was not going to miss it.
Even though, I was feeling awful for the entire day, and it was a distraction for me, It was still one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had. It was so meaningful to see on the open air stage. Well worth the misery of the day.
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Justus – 16 years later?! What took ya so long?
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Justus331 – I hope you didn’t wait 16 years to get married! If so, Jacob must be your hero.;-) Please tell me that you meant to say that you are still married 16 years later.
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KBells, #2. Don’t trick your husband. Men are suckers for that sort of thing. They think “practical”.
I might easily think that a practical gift of that sort would be better than a “romantic” gift.
I once bought a gift for Carol on “Secretary’s Day”. I’ve forgotten what it was now, but she was thrilled with it. But when she said that she liked it, I told her I hoped so, I spent three hours running around looking for that thing. She was even more excited. My complaint that I had “wasted” hours looking for something for her was more exciting than the gift. I was naieve about women and a little miffed that she was so pleased that she had caused so much inconvenience.
I understand now. That’s the way women are. i.e. The fact that I was thinking about her was more important than a Secretary’s Day present.
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Don’t get me started about Mother’s day. The way churches celebrate it seems calculated to ensure that childless women and those with abusive parents leave the church and go to hell.
“All the mothers stand up so we can applaud you” “oh, look at that poor woman still sitting”
“Let’s go around the room and each share a story about our mother”. “Gee, Sandy, sorry yours was a drunk who beat you with a tennis racket”
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Karen,
That’s not being demanding. Some of us men just can’t take a hint. It’s best to tell us straight forward “I want that!”. My poor wife spent years dropping hints, heck she coulda beat me about the head with a hint, and I still would not have recognized it. Now she tells me what she likes. That works better. She told me 2 months ago something she wanted. And I went out yesterday and got it. I didn’t have to waste time wandering the mall wondering what to get her, and I know she’ll love it, because she didn’t hint that she liked it, she told me she would. It’s better this way. You’ll be happier, and so will your husband, because he’ll know he got you the right gift.
And I’m sorry about your daughter. Just know that you’re not alone. We have a similar thing with my brother-in-law. He’ll waste his time and money on something she’ll like, but it won’t be what would make her most happy. An hour and a half at church Sunday would make her happiest, but I doubt that he’ll come thru. When I pray for mom and Scott about this same situation, I’ll pray for you and your daughter as well. God can still work miracles, so keep your chin up.
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That’s what’s great about the Episcopal Church: It isn’t on the Church Calendar so therefore isn’t celebrated.
My first Mother’s Day: The Saturday before George was cleaning out our goldfish pond and “wrenched” his back. All day I offered to take him to the emergency room. He refused. About 8 pm I told him I wasn’t cold hearted and when the pain got bad enough let me know and I would take him to the emergency room. Aboout 10:30 he let me know. Luckily we had to pass his mother’s house on the way. They were so excited. It was the first time I let the baby spend the night away from me. About 2:00 am a stabbing victim came into the emergency room so they just gave George a “cocktail” and told me to get him home as soon as possible or I wouldn’t be able to get him out of the car. He spent the day stoned out of his mind. My then BIL bought me my first Mother’s day lunch and we all laughed at George. The next one we all (mil, sil, fil, niece, nephew, Chloe, George, and me) spent on a quite large boat (big enough to have a bathroom! Mitch was the captain-owner lived in Texas) “island hopping” in the Gulf for which I spent the next two years begging to do again. The last mother’s day we were married I got nothing, not even a card. He told me I wasn’t his mother. The year I divorced him I got a great mother’s day gift basket. Last year I got a set of wind chimes from the dollar store that Chloe bought with her own money. They are in one of my flower pots right now by my front door. Today Chloe’s class is having a special Mother’s Day Tea. She is so excited. I can’t wait.
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John M,
What you’re saying is legitamate, but must we bring everything to the lowest common denominator? At the end of a sermon, our pastor, acknowledged the 45th anniversary of a couple present. I don’t think it was calculated;I think he just saw them and said, “Today is blankety-blank’s anniversary . . . “And everyone applauded. Afterward a couple of women were upset at it because, “How is that suppose to make divorced people feel?”
I agree that we need to be sensitive, but in a day of rampant divorce rates and questionable parenting, I think the church is on the right track to celebrate what is good.
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10. 13. Even though I was one of those childless women for seven years, I have to agree with Adios. However, our new pastor has all the women stand up, acknowledging that most women have been some kind of mother to someone.
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The best church approach to Mother’s Day I’ve experienced was a sermon on nurturing. The minister started with mothers nurturing children but quickly expanded it to encompass many other kinds of nurturing. It honored mothers while illustrating ways any of us can find a way to nurture someone else in some way or other.
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Tim Challies posted this great short story about How We Kept Mother’s Day. Enjoy!
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I wouldn’t mind if they did something like Adios says, and just make a breif announcement and say congradulations.
But many churches make a BIG deal out of it. Hand out gifts to all the mothers, make it the theme of the sermon, the theme of the Bible study, etc. Same thing with father’s day. It’s just one more way that many churches are all about presenting the IMAGE of a shiny, happy, contented community, rather than acknowledging our brokenness and working with it.
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#17- i feel the opposite. I feel that we acknowledge the broken all the time. Every news report focuses on the broken. Our sermon’s address the broken. Really, almost every show on tv glorifies the broken. So, to have 1 day to honor something that is supposed to be good isn’t about presenting an IMAGE. It may be a reminder of what things are supposed to look like when they aren’t broken.
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I think it is important to realize that “mothers” come in all shapes and sizesd. When I was a teenager and my mother was a raging alcoholic, Ruth Robinson was my “mother”. I was a Rainbow Girl and she opened her home to me and even gave me a key to her house. She was there when I needed her most. She bought my first baby gift when I finally found out I was pregnant. I called her and told her and she came to my office the next day with a teething ring and a baby blanket. For the entire time Chloe was in diapers, I cut out coupons, gave her money and she bought then on the military base to help me save money. She is Chloe’s “Grandma Ruth”.
When I was going through infertility, I worked with a woman named Bobbie Grogan. She mothered me and let me know there were worse things in life than never having children. She had cancer at 28 and had had a full hysterectomy. She did not get married until she was in her 40’s.
Right now my friend Debbie is my “mother”. She bought me a Coach purse for Christmas and bought Chloe the matching smaller one. Now I sure could have used the money to pay bills, and a Coach purse is an extravagance I would be hard pressed to pay. I argued with her and her response was, well you are getting one so you may as well pick out the one you like. I called her earlier in the week and told her I had been watching Bobby Flay on Food Network and had a menu I wanted to cook and I was doing Mother’s Day for us. (Bobby happens to be the new man in my life, I have given up on Lenny from Law & Order—there just was no future).
Several years out of my life I sent my father a Mother’s Day card. The man stayed married to a raging alcoholic who almost bankrupted him until I turned 18 because the laws in our state at that time would have given my mother custody of me and he didn’t want that to happen.
So, “mother’s” come in all shapes and sizes and genders.
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Real AJ – Thank you very much. May God do a miracle in your BIL, too.
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And as far as dropping hints to men, it has been my experience that you can flat out say to them: “I want you to send me f-l-o-w-e-r-s” and you still don’t get them.
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Kim – My mom & I liked Lenny, too. The actor who played him, Jerry Orbach, died the same day my dad did (Dec. 28, 2004).
Did you see the comment I addressed to you on yesterday’s WVs (#67)?
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Karen I responded on todays whirled views.
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My current pastor will probably mention Mother’s Day in passing, and that is it. About a third of the women in my church (all but two of them married) have never borne children, so it could be hard for many if he really focused on it, and it’s not a “biblical holiday.”
In Chicago, I spent every Mother’s Day and Father’s Day in the nursery. That did two things: kept me from having to be in the service and allowed a mother to be in the service. (I specifically put it that way–put me in the nursery and tell someone else I’m taking her place so she can be in the service. Some mothers were very appreciative for that small favor.) But my pastor there was actually good about it; he talked about mothers, but he said that all women are by nature nurturers, and he spoke to women in general and not just mothers.
Last year I thought I’d have the kids with me for Mother’s Day (their first placement in my home) and lost them a couple days before, so that was a bit tough.
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Ladies,
I was thinking of proposing to my girlfriend this Mother’s Day? Bad idea? Maybe the day is too loaded already and I should pick a different day?
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Travis,
If you and she want lots of children, it might be a sweet hint of the future, and something to remember fondly in the future. It wouldn’t bother me, if I were the woman, but other women may think differently.
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Travis,
I’m with Cheryl D. on this one and I have lot of children. Being a wife and being a mother–while they are dependant on the other–are two different offices. Keep them seperate.
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My wife would never ask me for a vacuum cleaner. She gets what she needs and I do the same. She might say either you fix the vacuum today or I am getting another one tomorrow though.
I stopped getting her presents long ago since she took back every one I ever gave her. She, like her sister, has no taste whatsoever. She just gets what she wants for these occasions and she knows that if she ever complains about what she got, I will have her committed
The stuff you can buy is not worth owning and the stuff worth owning you can’t buy – no matter how much money, or taste, you have.
She would love for me to be home all the time most of all but she can’t have that either. When I am home all the time – she is just plain miserable and beside herself. I am convinced that there is no sane or insane way to please a woman so, it best not to try to hard to do so
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Travis: If you are planning on proposing just because it is Mother’s Day, I wouldn’t. If you are planning on proposing because you have spent a lot of time planning it and it is a great day, then go for it. My thought is that a day of engagement should be special and spent with the new fiance. But if you propose on Saturday, it would be whole weekend to celebrate and give you time to calm down a little bit before the week starts.
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#28 LLAMA
A children’s picture book (for adults), “Sir Gawain and the Loathly Lady” explained women to me.
What do women want?
Their own way!
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Bob Buckles,
You are so right Bob. The best piece of advice I can give any man is – To always discuss everything in great detail with your wife (they love talking to you even though you are not paying attention) and to always remember do it exactly her way – which may be different than what she said.
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We started a Mother’s Day tradition several years ago that I love. We head to the local nursery and shop for flowers for my planter boxes which we then plant together. It’s so wonderful to have them there all summer, and the kids are enthusiastic about watering my ‘Mother’s Day flowers’.
A friend always sends flowers to her mother-in-law, thanking her for raising such a wonderful son, husband and father.
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Bob and Llama,
In reality, what would you do without the woman you love in your life? It would be a lonely existence. Not only that, who would make sure things are done correctly? ;o)
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Granny,
In reality, I don’t remember saying I wanted to do without the love one in my life regardless of wha gets done righ or wrong.
The Doxie Dog stays
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Travis – Something else to consider is the 2 moms, yours & hers. Would either one of them feel that the specialness of their Mother’s Day was being encroached upon?
I know it sounds petty, but there are women out there who would feel that way.
(Different but kinda the same – My husband & I thought we were being nice by cutting our honeymoon short by a day to stop by & visit his mom, who lived sort of near where we honeymooned. She made it clear that she would have been offended if we hadn’t.
Years later, when we took care of her in our home, I came to see that she was one who demanded the “honor” she felt was due her. I was more than willing to give her that honor of my own free will, but when I realized she had a way of demanding/expecting it, I found it harder to do. But did it anyway.)
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Llama – I know men love to joke about how wives “rule the roost” & such, but I find that it is usually the wives who are “at the mercy” of their husband’s decisions & choices.
I try hard to be a good & properly submissive wife, going by my husband’s “agenda” much of the time, but even so, he likes to joke that the two phrases husbands most need to learn are “Yes, dear” & “I’m sorry”. I actually feel a bit insulted when he says this in public, cuz I’m not that kind of shrew.
(I can hear ya asking – So, what kind of shrew are you? I’m not!)
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Actually Klasko, we dated 16 years before we got married. Our first date was May 10, 1990. We got married October 7th of 2006.
Well……..we just wanted to make sure, ya know?
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Justus331,
If it had been me, I’d have been sure in a year, still sure in two, and out of there to let him find someone else in three. I have a nephew who’s been dating a woman for five years, and in my mind he’s wasting her best child-bearing years by neither claiming her nor letting her go. If I were in a position to give advice, I’d tell him to claim her or let her go, and I’d tell her to run now, and let him come after her (and propose immediately) if he will, but if he won’t, it’s his loss. No way should any woman hang around for five years, in my opinion, unless they’re 12 when they first get together!
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Cheryl – I agree. Justus was pretty lucky she hung around!
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I had the honor once of hearing Elisabeth Elliott speak in person. She has had 3 husbands and says that a man should never tell a woman he loves her unless he truly does and his next words after that should be will you marry me.
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Kim,
I have also heard the venerable EE speak many times and have had some lovely conversations with her and Lars Gren. Oh if women only guarded their hearts like she suggests.
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