Friday poem and Friday criticism
“Just a Tranquil Darker” by John Hodgen
The old woman asks if she can have her sunglasses just a tranquil darker,
and the optometrist, without blinking an eye, does not trifle with her,
says he can do that, says he’ll take care of that for her.
And I think for a moment he is William Wordsworth listening to Dorothy,
her spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings, her perfect tranquillity.
Or maybe he is God himself, the great optometrist, or at least that dim image
we strain to see of the omniscient god who mostly does not trifle with us.
The occasional hat flown off our heads, perhaps, the tossed banana peel
with the businessman’s wingtip approaching, the hurtling safe heading
down for our heads, all of us so intensely looking elsewhere, as if our lives
were God’s New Yorker cartoons, all his back issues stacked up, the ones
with the Elizabeth Bishop poems, teetering, in his waiting room.
Mostly He gives us our due, God, or Wordsworth for that matter, for the things
we choose to believe in, the things we say we’ll see if we can do, like loving
each other, like being true, like the woman who accompanies her husband,
the lawn mowing man, and sits on the steps of the houses he goes to.
(See her, by the daffodils?) She watches him moving from row to row,
loves the ease with which he moves, sees the lawn changing right before
her eyes, like some eye chart of I’s and E’s slowly coming into view,
her love for him the one thing that is perfectly clear.
It is as if they live in some peripheral light that is always glowing,
that we can see sometimes, like a lark that flares up suddenly
out of the corner of our eyes, somehow always lifting
from this cock-eyed part of the world, away from the glare,
to some other place where everything is just the way we want it,
just a tranquil darker.
(From Slate magazine, 2008)
To hear the author read his poem, go here.
To read critical responses to this poem from people like you, go here.




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back to top9 Comments to “Friday poem and Friday criticism”
I like the poem very much. The poets use of the metaphors reminds me of the poem “Out of the Cradle Endlessly Rocking” by Walt Whitman and “On the Pulse of Morning” by Maya Angelou.
He squeezes a lot of meaning out of a few words, which is the essence of poetry.
I appreciate that this poet recognizes the goodness of God and the (possible, at least) validity of believing in God. The allusions to Wordsworth, and even the equating of him with God, is intriguing.
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I thought that many of the critiques were harsh and elitist. I wonder if those who condemned the poem for its length, its supposedly overworked conceit(s), or its “sweetness” can write poetry themselves.
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For the record, I loathed Out of the Cradle Endlessly Rocking: I felt it had little structure or goal, like being let inside a rough draft which the author has not bothered to turn back.
This poem seems better: a musing on who God is and how He deals which each of us in the humdrum of life.
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I’m feeling a tranquil darker myself right now but Cabo should cure what this poem ailed me.
Kyle,
The poem was from Slate the left wing site where elitist whack jobs, the official critics of prose posing as poems, reside. Lefty sites and the critiques you find there will always be harsh and usually profane. But, in this case, prose should never be critiqued as poems in the first place.
It wasn’t such bad prose but those easily fooled critics will think it’s poetry quotient fair suspect at best, but they are never satisfied
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Llama, it’s not prose–at least not straightforward prose. Would you at least concede that it is poetic prose?
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LLAMA,
I will delete all further posts from you which get sidetracked into your prose/poem blackhole of non-thought.
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Now you have a god complex HSK or at least an anti American bent toward limiting free speech. Are you creating some new WMB rules of conduct to protect your thoughts or beliefs from criticism or from humor in this case? So we now have to believe and think like Slate or just like you or both?
You need to re-think your egomaniac fear and pride, possibly take a vacation or time out but you can go ahead and delete my comments if it makes you feel better, more powerful or godlike. Otherwise they stay – you decide.
Kyle, I will agree that it is not good prose because half the periods are missing and there are way too many commas. Can’t let folks change and dumd down the meanings of words or they will soon have no meaning worth having. Like gays would wish for marriage others would do the same for poetry. Let them call it something else more fitting and descriptive like ‘poetic prose’
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Thanks, HSK. I enjoyed that very much. It takes me four or five readings to slow down enough to hear it right. The audio helps.
I’ll bet this poem, like many good poems, didn’t grow up around an idea, but rather the first line (or first two lines) got laid down as an as-of-yet unexplored riff. There are places where it stumbles (to my ear) — eye charts slowing coming into view? — but following it through is satisfying. And a good way to end the work week.
Regards,
SG
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I find the beginning of the poem “weak.”
By the end I was thinking of Frost’s poem, “The Hill Wife” and thinking about the two different type of responses to life’s situations.
And yes, many times life is easier just a tranquil darker.
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