Division of domestic labor: equality, or equity?
The modern economy is a gelatinous, fluid beast, and it places families in unconventional situations. I am not sure how things were in the 5th century BC, or in 5th century AD, or even in the 15th century AD, but in the 19th and early 20th centuries, the agricultural economy meant that a lot of people worked at home, which is to say on the farm. Men worked all day, women worked all day, and somehow, the kids got mostly fed and mostly educated and became mostly adults. But now, in the last fifty years or more, the economy demands people work elsewhere. Men work in an office, and now a lot of women work in an office, and that means somebody’s got to do something about the kids. It’s not an easy situation. Sometimes, the kids go to daycare. Sometimes, the dads and moms decide that the moms will stay home and tend to the kids until school begins. Sometimes the moms stay home and do school, too. Sometimes they decide the impossible: that they will both work outside the home and both stay at home. That’s what Marc and Amy Vachon decided:
After Maia was born, they negotiated part-time schedules, which turned out to be the easy part. Amy worked four days a week, Monday through Thursday; Marc worked three 10-hour days, Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
The division of work led naturally to the division of child care. On the days he went to the office, Marc would leave early and bike to work (having only one car, despite two commutes, is one way they are able to afford life on two part-time salaries), while Amy did the entire morning child routine. On Monday and Wednesday, when she worked too, she would take Maia to family day care across the street from their house. On Friday, she and Maia would spend the day together. On Tuesday and Thursday, Amy would sleep a little later and leave Maia in Marc’s care. If Maia got sick on a Monday, they agreed in advance that Marc would take off from work, and Amy would do the same if the sick day was a Wednesday. It was a schedule that continued after Theo was born three years later.
Whew. I’m exhausted. The economic concept of the “division of labor” doesn’t mean that everybody divides everything equally. It means they divide things equitably. Which is to say that economic creators (e.g., individuals, nations, etc.) specialize in something they do well. Same goes for the home, I always thought. But, more power to parents who bypass healthy equity for radical equality. I couldn’t imagine a worse situation in my home. But still interesting to see others try it.




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back to top11 Comments to “Division of domestic labor: equality, or equity?”
For the first three years of our son life we tried something similar, which allowed us to on keep our son in daycare only half a day. I worked 7-4. my husband worked 11-8. Three big problems arose, two of which we are still dealing with. Problem one; My husband and I were only home together for an hour and half a day. That meant when you had the baby, there was no back up. No one to watch him while you cleaned the house or cut the grass or had a headache. Problem two, Daddy’s rules in the morning, day care rules in the afternoon and mommy’s in the evening can be confusing for a little one. Problem three; we argue continually over his sleep schedule. I wanted him to bed early so I could get a minute to myself before I had to get to bed myself and get up early the next morning. He wanted him to sleep late so he could get a minute to himself before he had to start the day. Oh and one more problem. Since my husband had the morning shift he dressed him for daycare. There were days when I was reluctant to claim the little boy in the too small green teeshirt and the orange shorts I bought at the thrift store for him or sleep in.
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Is a precise 50-50 split unrealistic? Of course!
But what does that really prove?
The only conclusion I can come to after quickly scanning through the article is that there is no single, one-size-fits-all best solution. In the real world families struggle and parents work hard and negotiate the best solution for them. They find what works.
For my wife and I, she was going to school half time, and working half time. She arranged her school schedule so as to always have at least one, and usually several half days a week free.
My employer, a large bank, is very supportive of flex scheduling. Some of my co-workers do 4 10-hour days, but for me, that didn’t work. So, I would do 4 9-hour, and 1 4-hour day, giving a half day off.
Instead of 5 days of day care, this meant we had one day a week where mom would watch her in the morning, and me in the afternoon, or vice versa, depending on the semester, and a second day a week where mom had her half a day, and she was in day care a half day. The flexibility was there for meetings or crunches during exam time, but on average, it was 3 1/2 days per week.
I treasured the time I got to be a stay at home dad, if only for half a day at a time. If I could work from home, I’d do so in a heartbeat. I probably like being home, more than my wife does, though.
You find a balance, you do what works, you don’t judge the choices others make because you aren’t in their shoes. Simple as that!
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In Dallas I read about a husband and wife with 4 kids. The were McDonald’s mgrs. She would work 12 and come home and he’d go in to work his 12. The kids always had a parent at home.
A frazzled, exhausted parent but a parent nonetheless.
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There has to be a system of task doing that gets things done. Absolute egalitarian equality is rare.
I do a fair amount at home. I used to do more things, but some were matters that I never could do so as to be aceptable to her standards, so I don’t do those things anymore.
Is it half? Probably not half, but close. I am also away at work more too. It works out fairly satisfactory.
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My wife stayed home and took care of the kids. She doesn’t regret it one bit.
But she also did the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and money management.
Did I get off light, or what?
Well. No I didn’t. I was a worn out dishrag when I got home after working on hot cars in the humid heat, and fighting with service managers, cranky parts people, stupid service writers and impatient customers.
I’m so glad I’m not in that slimy business any more…
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I read this article a couple of days ago. I thought one interesting point it had to make was that couples were most likely to describe the wife’s job as “more flexible” (thereby making it more “logical” for her to sacrifice career ambitions for the family) regardless of what two peoples jobs are. They give examples of situations where he is a college professor and she is a doctor and the reverse where she is a college professor and he is a doctor. Her job is “more flexible” every time.
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Sawgunner – Besides the fact that the at-home parent would be exhausted is the matter of the parents not having time for their marriage. The marriage is the foundation of the family, the children’s security is bound up in it.
I can see parents doing this on a temporary basis, but long-term will be detrimental to the marriage & to the family.
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KarenO–That’s what I noticed about Sawgunner’s example too. It sounded like a bad idea to me.
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Karen O/Kimberly,
Having a husband work third shift 7 nights a week isn’t great for the marriage either, but we do what we have to do. (We talked about it before he took the job, and my thought was that 7 nights/week was just for the busy season, and that if it lasted too long he’d need to look for another job. He’s looked and applied elsewhere, but he keeps the job he has because at least he has it.)
I’m sure that couple would rather have more time home together, but this may be the best they could manage with available jobs and money.
If we had made better financial decisions earlier in our marriage we would not have the difficulties we do now, but we can’t change the past, just try to teach our kids not to make the same mistakes.
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Pauline – I’m sorry for your situation. But it’s not one that you planned & chose, & I’m sure you’ll be thrilled when it’s over.
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Karen O,
Definitely.
I guess I’m assuming that the couple mentioned by Sawgunner didn’t plan/choose their work arrangement either, but found themselves taking it as the best of the unpleasant options they had. I can’t imagine a couple wanting that kind of life if there were reasonable alternatives available. For that matter, I can’t imagine anyone actually making plans to be a McDonalds manager at all, regardless of schedule.
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