Comments on: Whirled Views 6.16

By: Victoria

Victoria — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:46:41 +0000

Momoffour

I can understand you wanting a break, and sitting through a service without being intrupted. Almost all churches have a nursery.

Nursery care is a nice option, but I certainly don’t believe that ANYONE should be made to participate in nursery care, as part of their church membership.

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By: momoffour

momoffour — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 13:46:23 +0000

Victoria–I do agree with you in a sense. Ideally it would be great for the whole family to sit together, like they probably did in the times you mentioned. However, in our particular church, we have several sweet senior saints who have literally complained when a baby *sneezes* in the worship service. So, these days it is usually best if there is at least a nursery provided. Also, in my own position (where I have absolutely no family to ever help with the little ones, and my hubby is gone pretty much all day and into the night) it sure is nice to get a little break sometimes. I’m sure some will find that selfish. So be it…

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By: Victoria

Victoria — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 05:55:40 +0000

The ‘nursery issue’-

I don’t believe anyone should be expected to work in a church ‘nursery’- it should be voluntary –

Each person has a calling, it might be visiting the sick, teaching Sunday School, or it might be another gift which isn’t used within the walls of the church.

I would leave a church which demanded that I serve in any way I felt ‘not led’ by the Holy Spirit’-

I was never comfortable leaving children in ‘nursery care’ although I’ve done so. Today I would NEVER leave a child in ‘nursery care’ –

Has anyone ever heard of ‘nursery care’ in the early church? I haven’t – Children sat with their parents, mothers held small infants, and grandma’s helped with the unruly little ones, or their father’s put a stern hand on their shoulders to quite their behavior.

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By: Cheryl D.

Cheryl D. — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 05:31:44 +0000

Thanks, all who commented about nursery. In Chicago I worked with someone who attended a large church that required women to serve in the nursery. (Ironically, it didn’t allow men to serve, except on the same week with one’s wife–which meant single men couldn’t serve. Since the church had several adults in each nursery, the suspicion that a man would molest the kids unless his wife was there to stop him didn’t make a lot of sense to me.)

That church took nursery duty so seriously that women tattled to the pastor if they noticed that so-and-so had gotten a substitute two or three times in a row. (To me, getting a willing substitute should fulfill one’s duty. And tattling to the pastor seemed bizarre!) I told her more than once that I thought if was wrong for a church to require any specific ministry. And then I started attending a church that required it! (Though without the tattling to the pastor, and in my own case they have allowed an exception, and I have served from time to time when they’ve needed me, including last Sunday.) And then my sister’s church basically jumped off the deep end in their own requirements, almost as bad as the pastor-tattling. So I was wondering how wide this “requirement” trend was!!

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By: momoffour

momoffour — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 01:05:08 +0000

Just to clarify, Cheryl. I do agree with you, I just know how important (to many, not all, moms) a nursery is. These days, moms need all the help they can get. I was a fairly new believer when we started our family (as far as growth, not years as a Christian). I desperately needed that teaching I got while my kids were loved and cared for in the nursery.

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By: michelle

michelle — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 22:49:03 +0000

This Mom of four agrees with the above momoffour–those who have helped in the nursery over so many years have my gratitude. When my husband was out to sea for months on end, I needed all the help I could get and that hour in church really did make a difference in my life and that of my sons–for the good.

I always found it ironic, however, that the weeks I had the worst time with the boys usually were the weeks I had nursery duty–and the Lord heard a fair amount of complaining from me on that point.

Because I was so grateful, for years I took my turn in the nursery–calculating I owed about 28 years worth! Several years ago my daughter served with me and said, “I don’t know why you take nursery duty, you obviously hate it.”

She was correct. I thought about my attitude and preferences, prayed about it, and decided my time was done in the nursery. I’ve filled in a couple times in emergencies, but have “chosen” to serve in other ways. You need to use your gifts where God directs and, frankly, I’m not particularly good with young children.

Cheryl’s church is small, however, if I remember correctly. If the body isn’t large enough to “man” the nursery every Sunday, perhaps leadership needs to rethink/repray about their nursery.

Our aforementioned church had a paid employee and on the Sundays 20 years ago when I worked in the nursery, I spent a lot of time talking and befriending her. I don’t think my ministry was to the children during those years–I think I was there for her.

Meandering answer. If my church “required” me to serve in the nursery, I think I might need to look somwhere else, as well. Sorry.

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By: Karen O

Karen O — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 21:52:28 +0000

Make It Man – I had a similar thing in my marriage. I thought I had fallen out of love with my husband, but didn’t believe in divorce. So I applied myself to treat my husband well, doing nice things for him, etc. (love as an action), & praying for God to change my heart-attitude.

Within a year or so (maybe even less), I had fallen in love with him all over again, & saw him with new eyes, so to speak.

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By: Pauline

Pauline — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:57:12 +0000

Cheryl D.,
I have been in a lot of churches over the years and have never encountered one where working in the nursery was required. Or any other ministry, for that matter. Strongly urged, yes, and expected to take a turn if you had kids in the nursery. But never required. Never any question of having to allow “exemptions.”

I think it’s a bad idea for all the reasons you mention. At our church you have to have a background check in order to be allowed to work in the nursery. And they certainly wouldn’t want someone taking care of those precious little ones who didn’t want to be there.

There are times when someone has to help out who prefers a different ministry. I normally work with 5- to 7-year-olds, but I help in the nursery or preschool room for special holiday services (when there are multiple services and I can worship at one and work the nursery for another). But there is something wrong when the church leadership is trying to push people into a ministry who don’t want to be there. Either the ministry isn’t right for that church at that time (and that’s why people aren’t volunteering for it), or the way people are recruited is wrongheaded.

It is wonderful to be free to volunteer for a ministry that fits my personality and interests and gifts, rather than being guilted into helping in something I really don’t want to do. Part of what I do now isn’t really where I think I fit best either, I do it because I care about the ministry and if I quit the burden on the other volunteers will be that much harder. But the program director knows I want to shift to focus more on another area, and he wants to help make that happen.

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By: momoffour

momoffour — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:51:05 +0000

Cheryl–I feel your pain. I have four children, and all of them went through the nursery. But I am actually coming around to the idea of “family worship” now. I don’t like the idea of people being forced to work nursery. I agree that there are several people who SHOULDN’T work in the nursery. I do, however, see another side to it. It is *verry* hard to get people to work with the kids during church time. I don’t have any family around, and have always been a stay-at-home mom (no adult interaction…) So it was nice to have just one hour a week where I could actually learn something from another Christian. I REALLY appreciated those nursery workers. To be honest, I got quite annoyed with the older women who had the “I’ve already raised my own kids and now I’m done with it” attitude. It had such an impact on me that I vowed that when I am in that position, I would be willing to help the younger moms. Now, that doesn’t mean work in the nursery–I mean it in a more broad sense. I wish someone would have said, “Let me come over and show you how I do this”, or “Let me watch the kids for an hour so you can actually think when you grocery shop.”

BUT, I do agree with you that it should never be a forced thing. Nursery workers are doing a service for the Lord; just like any other service, if their heart is not in it b/c they are being forced, it counts for nothing.

There’s my 2 cents, for what its worth.

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By: Kim

Kim — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:43:12 +0000

Cheryl, not much gets me hot under the collar when it comes to churches the way “requiring” STRONG ARMING someone into doing something they either don’t want to do or do not feel led to do. I loved teaching school, but the truth about me is that even though I love my child and I loved my students, I simply don’t like some children and being around them makes me want to jump out of my skin. I also simply do not like to change poopy diapers. Even when I was a teenager I did not babysit unless they were potty trained.

I also went through infertility and if I had been required to be in the nursery at that time it would have been an emotional hardship on me.

I also think that parents of small children need the peace and quiet time in the church either with or without their children to focus on God.

The church I attend has a paid nursery workers. One attends the Presbyterian Church at 11 am and works from 8 am to 10:30 at the Episcopal. There are other paid workers who fill in.

I would DEFINATELY leave a church over this and if enough did, I would hope the church would change it’s thinking. Also as you stated some people are not allowed to be around children and it might be that others don’t know “that person” who did whatever. I remember in real estate I worked with a lady who was showing property to some acquaintances of hers (she met them through mutual friends and had socialized some).
The man had been accused of date rape when he was in college and before DNA testing. It was a he said she said situation but he still has to register as a sex offender. That isn’t who he is today but it still follows him around. It really opened my eyes to some things we think are good laws but may not always be. (This couple now has grown children an he has never had another offense. I would not want to have to share that information with my church and wouldn’t want someone else to have to either.
God calls all of us for different purposes and some aren’t called to care for children.

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