Comments on: The stork brought me a bundle of sorrow

By: darling.clandestine

darling.clandestine — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:41:50 +0000

Momoffour, I agree that selfishness must certainly have played a part for the folks who took that survey. I think that more and more it’s become fashionable to think of children — or any people who require considerable amounts of our time — as burdensome. More and more forums are devoted to “venting” about the difficulties of caring for others, and more media outlets than I can count are fond of sending the message “You deserve a little ‘me’ time”, and “Pamper yourself!” and the like. Because people are constantly receiving the message that dedicating one’s life to other people is somehow unfair, I believe there’s a subconscious resentment that’s been building up in parents and caretakers who perform duties that were simply regarded in former times as what needed to be done and were done with much less grumbling. People who celebrate — or at least don’t complain about — caring for others, I’ve noticed, are often regarded as “saints”, as though devoting oneself to one’s family were a task that requires a person to be exceptionally kindly, and therefore suggesting that regular folks shouldn’t have to put up with such “burdens”. It’s a very dangerous mentality — and it leads to neglect, not only of children, but to disabled and elderly adults as well.

And Momof5, yes, definitely, folks need to also realize that happiness is more than simply “feeling”.

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By: opinionated teen

opinionated teen — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:47:13 +0000

This thread reminds me of the second verse of “What Have We Become?” by dcTalk.

Mom of 5: I like the way you put it in that last paragraph.

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By: momof5

momof5 — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 17:50:05 +0000

Getting married was the first great sanctifying relationship in my life. Having children was the second. God has molded me more and more into the image of His Son through my husband and children than through any other influence with skin on. My bests are better, my sacrifices deeper, and my sinfulness more apparent because of these 6 people I live with.

God has brought me to the end of myself at times. I remember expecting baby #4, throwing up 15-20 times a day, every day, for weeks on end, with morning sickness, while caring for a 1st grader (homeschooled), a preschooler, and a toddler still in diapers. I thought I couldn’t make it, but by God’s grace, I did. He has stretched me, challenged me, and rewarded me with these incredible little miracles. Day-by-day happiness is elusive, but God chose children to build my character and my faith, and now I certainly have more joy, and more purpose, than I did before kids.

God will use other means to acheive this in believers who don’t have children, but I think a spouse and children are one of His favorite ways to grow us up in Him. That’s much more important than “feeling” happy.

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By: mumsee

mumsee — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 14:26:31 +0000

LJO and Victoria,

I have met those people and it is sad. Sad as it is when the child clearly knows from actions, I suspect it also hurts when the parents tell others in the child’s presence, how much better their lives would be without the child/children.

Children are a blessing. As mentioned, they help us grow up.

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By: Harris

Harris — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 14:00:58 +0000

My kids made me grow up.

So true. So true.

I still find I am trying to live up to the person they see.

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By: ljo

ljo — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 08:07:07 +0000

Actually Victoria, I have met people who wished they hadn’t had children. And after observing them and their families, I would agree that they shouldn’t have, because they are all so miserable together. The truth is that raising children requires more strength, love and unselfishness than most of us are prepared for. The stakes are high and there are no guarantees that everything will turn out well. But if you take the view that children aren’t necessarily meant to make parents happy but to help them grow in character and godliness, it helps you settle in for the long haul. My kids are in their early 20’s now, and they’re intelligent, interesting, productive people. It wasn’t easy to get them to this point, but I’m glad I made the sacrifices and endured the struggle. My kids made me grow up.

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By: Harris

Harris — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 01:25:17 +0000

Determining happiness at any point is at best provisional. At what point in our lives do we measure this happiness? Asking the student in the middle of that do-or-die calculus test whether he’s happy is different than asking him 20 years later as a successful engineer.

It may also be that happiness is culturally determined. Happiness is not fixed, but relative; or self described. That is, does what makes for happiness in 2006 the same as in 1996? in 1986? Let alone, say, 1886.

Lastly, happiness might be seen in the context o the Maslovian pyramid. In earlier centuries, children are genuinely blessed, because they assure the security of the family. In our society, we no longer count on children as a source for our own primary care-taking or our wealth. So they make us happy for some other reason. Without a godly perspective, this view gets rather materialistic and shallow very very fast.

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By: Kim

Kim — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 23:55:44 +0000

I also kind of think that children have taken on an over inflated place in our lives in that we no longer just assume that we will get married, have children, raise them and marry them off to get grandchildren like Chas says. We are over analyzing this. Children really arent given to us to make us happy or sad.

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By: Kim

Kim — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 23:53:49 +0000

I have always said having Chloe is what I never knew I always wanted. I didn’t even LIKE children.

Llama, you made me laugh. The first time I had to feed my dad through the tube in his stomach I thought I would gag and throw up. I made it. I looked at him and said aren’t you glad you had a girl baby instead of a boy baby becasue as worthless as I am a son would be even more worthless. We both laughed. Thankfully I never had to change a bedpan and for that I am sure he and I both are happy.

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By: opinionated teen

opinionated teen — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:47:33 +0000

Happiness? Happiness is overrated. Joy is what’s important.

Happiness is momentary. It’s enjoyable, yes, but it goes away. But Joy is very different. Joy is a result of living in the Spirit, when you look past what’s going on in your life and realize that there’s something better coming. (Heaven!) It helps you to smile when you don’t feel like smiling.

Happiness is a gift God gives you, because He enjoys giving his children what they when it fits with His plan.

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