Comments on: Parental paranoia insults father

By: opinionated teen

opinionated teen — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:29:48 +0000

Funny timing; my ten-years-old-in-ten-days little brother Will just got back from scootering to the mailbox, which is about five blocks southeast of us.

Mostly me and my brother are allowed to roam the neighborhood, as long as we let someone know where we’re going first. My sister is a different story; she’s got cerebral palsey, so she couldn’t make a quick getaway if someone tried to kidnap her. She’s allowed to go down the street over with Will and wherever with me. I suppose we are allowed more freedom than most.

Ugh, Cheryl D. I think the carseat law is until you’re 4′9. Most people I know don’t actually follow it. Honestly, it’s ridiculous. I have a friend who’s 4′9 and nineteen. She’ll be going to college soon, and she’s not technically allowed to sit in the front seat.

Report comment to moderator

By: Karen O

Karen O — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 01:00:13 +0000

Ree & Cheryl – Some kids are just very shy, & will run to the parent or avoid eye contact out of that shyness.

I’m not saying that you don’t have a point about some kids being afraid of strangers because of being warned of “stranger danger”, but am merely pointing out that some will react the same way out of shyness.

Report comment to moderator

By: momof5

momof5 — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 16:53:24 +0000

A friend of mine whose children are older than mine gave me wonderful advice about child rearing. She said that children should be kept very close before their judgement about dangerous situations (hot stove, etc) is developed.

As they become more self-governing (exercising good judgement, following house rules), they should be given more freedom.

Even when they are consciencious, her children don’t go off alone–they have a sibling with them whether they are playing outside or serving an elderly neighbor.

She is intentional about having them meet strangers, usually in the context of serving in some way (they help with campaigning, ministering to single moms and elderly folks).

These are the most friendly, impressive, observant kids I’ve ever met. And they are strong in their faith as well.

Report comment to moderator

By: Ree

Ree — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 04:08:13 +0000

Yes, Cheryl, I was thinking the same thing about how paranoid children are taught to be. Just the other day, I was out on a walk near my neighborhood. I saw a woman standing at the top of her short driveway and a little girl, presumably her daughter, sauntering down the driveway, away from the mother toward the sidewalk. As I began to approach the portion of the sidewalk in front of the driveway, the little girl happened to notice me, and she immediately turned around and ran to her mother’s side. If I hadn’t had the same kind of experience a number of other times, I would’ve been shocked.

My children range in age from 12 to 19, but when they were little, I refused to instill in them that sense of fear and terror of strangers because I’m convinced that it’s an unhealthy way for kids to think before they’re old enough to know how to reasonably assess potential danger. Granted, my kids were well supervised so for that reason, I didn’t see any necessity for instructing them about “stranger danger,” but apparently many children, even under supervision, feel the need to be physically attached to a trusted adult while in the vicinity of any stranger–male or female.

Report comment to moderator

By: Cheryl D.

Cheryl D. — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 03:00:05 +0000

A few things make it less safe, whether or not there are more kidnappings today–most kids ARE watched over, so the kid who isn’t may be in more trouble. Also, other adults aren’t watching out for kids the way they used to. So kids are possibly more likely to be in danger, and almost certainly more able to do things they shouldn’t be doing (because they have no accountability from neighbors and extended family watching over them).

Case in point: I used to have neighbors whose two-year-old would literally play in the street. She’d sometimes be the only family member outside, and she’d be out of sight from her house (behind a hill). I saw her lying down in the street once, and went running outside to get her up before a car ran over her (and actually to see if maybe a car had already run over her). But adults–including drivers–aren’t expecting children to be running free in neighborhoods anymore, so when kids do, they may be in more danger.

I think 10-year-olds should be able to bike to school with a sibling or a friend or two. I don’t think pre-verbal children should be wandering alone on streets or in parks in cities of a million people, or in any vicinity where they aren’t known by most everybody. (One of the nice things about small towns and small churches is that kids have a little more freedom because adults know who they are.)

One thing I dislike in our modern “stranger danger” society is how much kids see all adults as potential villains. I’ve realized recently how often when I say hi to a stranger on the street, and then look at his kid, the kid won’t even make eye contact with me. I’m “stranger” and thus “danger.” This is a bad state of affairs on many levels. One, it doesn’t make the kid safer, and may make him more vulnerable. (A confident child who can make eye contact and be aware of his surroundings is safer than a child who looks at the ground.) Two, it’s bad for social skills and all that involves (preparation for future jobs, manners, etc.). And three, anything that makes a child wary of adults in general also potentially makes him more peer dependent, which leads to all sorts of problems (anti-authority, drug use, wild parties, sexual promiscuity, etc.). I cringe when I see a naturally friendly child reprimanded by his parent for saying hello to someone when his parent is right there–a child needs to learn discernment, not general rudeness.

Report comment to moderator

By: krm

krm — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 02:41:41 +0000

I remember as a kid being shoved out the door in the morning on Saturday and told to be home for dinner. We ranged as far as we wished on foot and later, as we became bike mobile we were told to stay in town (a town of 20k give or take).

I think the child snatcher threat is vastly overblown – but I would not claim that it isn’t higher than when I was a kid.

Report comment to moderator

By: KI

KI — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 01:17:38 +0000

We had a little four year old girl kidnapped around here. She lived in a small town about 20 minutes from here. Her mother let her go to a friend’s house. The friends were used to going back and forth. She was to be gone for less than hour. She never made it and she has never been found. Yes, the parents were vilified by many. I felt bad for them and still do. Her dad worked for the same company as my husband and her grandmother performed in some of the same country shows as he did. When it hits that close to home, you do become more vigilant and should. There is a big difference between vigilance and smothering.

I don’t believe we are as safe as we once were. The spread of pornography and lessening of morals has definately brought about some horrible consequences.

Report comment to moderator

By: momof5

momof5 — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:44:55 +0000

I think the concern about men around children follows from the ideas that men:
a)aren’t really needed in a family;
b)are basically foolish adn irresponsible–women and kids figure things out better than dads (see any sitcom);
c)are pigs (see any sitcom);
d)are dangerous if they aren’t feminized.

Report comment to moderator

By: Cheryl D.

Cheryl D. — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:42:26 +0000

TRS, I strongly agree that security at all costs isn’t good for us. One modern example of that I despise (my own personal soapbox) is “kids in the backseat” until what, 12? As a child it was such a special treat to go somewhere with just one parent, and to be able to sit up front in the passenger’s seat and talk one-on-one, almost adult-to-adult. Perhaps most kids wouldn’t have cared less (I had a uniquely strong desire to be an adult and not a child), but I still think we’ve lost more than we’ve gained on that one and so many other issues…and in taking such choices away from parents and handing them to the state!

Report comment to moderator

By: momof5

momof5 — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:40:49 +0000

TRS, I have a similar philosophy, but we live out of town, and are surrounded by relatives, so our case is probably safer than most.

My SIL is appalled that we let (yea, even require) our kids chop wood and mow the grass. They also climb tall trees and roam the neighborhood out of sight (but not out of earshot).

My husband also teaches them to shoot guns, following safety rules.

And we don’t do team sports or clubs.

Report comment to moderator