It wouldn’t be the first time. I agree with you.

I have no problem with people reading self-help books on their own time. Go for it! My problem is with ego stroking self-esteem books infiltrating the church and being called authentic Christianity. Our help cometh from the Lord who made heaven and earth.

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It is true that the self-help book market is overly full of garbage. But some of the books are both helpful and solid in content from a Scriptural standpoint. A lot of people are benefitted by a good commentary, of topic exposition. It is legitimate to look at many of the good Scripturally derived ’self-help’ books as topical expositions on how to practically implement Biblical directions.

I haven’t read the 5 Love Language so as to express any opinion on where it falls on the spectrum of ‘garbage to good’.

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The Bible, and books that help one understand the Bible’s teaching on salvation, the work of the Holy Spirit in sanctification, and the nature of love as exemplified by God and which we also are to show as the Spirit works in us, are needed in order to have a good Christian marriage. But they do not provide all the knowledge some people need, especially those who have grown up in homes where their parents were poor role models. I’m pretty sure this book is not meant to stand on its own but on a Christian foundation.

I thought What’s So Amazing about Grace? was wonderful also!

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Well, I agree with all of what you wrote.

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As I wrote in my comment above, “…a Christian marriage takes a combination of giving selflessly to the other, while sometimes (or even often) not expecting them to give back likewise.” That includes, as you mentioned, learning to be content.

I do question, however, the thought that one who needs (”craves” is maybe too strong a word) hugs or whatnot is selfish. (Yes, I do agree that we can be selfish about wanting our needs met or wanting them to be fulfilled more often than we should.)

On one hand, I believe that we should humbly share our needs with our spouse, while trying our best to meet their needs. On the other hand, I know that we need to recognize that no human, not even our “other half” of one flesh, can fully meet all our needs, only God can do that.

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You both have the advantage of a Christian foundation. From there, pretty much everything you read or experience or do can glorify God. Nothing wrong with learning a few techniques along the way. The sappiest book ever written changed my life. It was called What’s So Amazing About Grace.

So a person with the right heart, can bear good fruit. But just like the gospel without Christ becomes empty social mores, marriage techniques without Christ are unfulfilling. Superficial actions without a changed heart look good on the outside, but inside are empty.

Is it good for a non-huggy husband to hug his hug-craving wife? Sure. But there is more going on here than a hug deficit. There is sin. Pride in one person holds back what the other person selfishly craves. One should learn to give love while the other should learn contentment, but simply giving a hug doesn’t address the larger issues. This book oversimplifies the problem and the solution.

Life is about Christ and how we reflect his glory. The problem with so many self-help books is that they are all about self. The focus is on fulfilling selfish needs when those selfish needs are actually the root of the problem. How about learning contentment and thankfulness? Before changing others, how about changing yourself?

As Christians we should edify, i.e. build up one another, teach one another, challenge one another to walk in the Spirit and thereby bring forth the fruit of the Spirit. That is the polar opposite of simply fulfilling needs, like getting the other person to do the laundry.

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“So can someone let us know whether these are actually evangelical books, or just syrupy sweet Christianesque books that leave out Christ?”

Do the books leave out Christ in name or in behavior/example or both?

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At No. 7, One Month to Live: Thirty Days to a No-Regret Life, by Kerry and Chris Shook (WaterBrook, $19.99), is hard-core. For all the claims that self-help has been entirely Oprahfied — a group hug between hardcovers — our noblest self-help paradigms are still austere. The Shooks, the husband-and-wife team behind the wildly successful multi-site church Fellowship of the Woodlands, start brutally: “Your time on earth is limited.” Oof. I can hear the hoofbeats now.

The truly bad news comes soon enough: “Satan knows the dream starts in your heart, so he’s committed to wounding your heart, taking it out of action and freezing your God-given dream with soul-numbing cold.”

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Become a Better You (Free Press, $25), at No. 4, sells mainly on the strength of its author’s name. Joel Osteen is a hit televangelist, veteran best seller and pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, reportedly the biggest church in the country. If he says shape up, you shape up, because he’s got the gleamingest pulpit.

His seven keys to a better life restate that point (“stay passionate,” “be positive”), and by the end of the book I found myself smiling like a fool. Now that’s self-help. If your husband is a slob, don’t be a freak about it, but don’t spend hours doing yoga, either. Pick up his shoes and be cool. Bounty and love surround you both! He’s probably being cool about your issues, too.

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The time is ripe for a Deepak Chopra takedown — or definitive apotheosis — if only because with the book at No. 3, The Third Jesus: The Christ We Cannot Ignore (Harmony, $24), he has now published …

Trying to follow Chopra’s schema through decontextualized passages of Scripture, I resentfully wonder why this was classified as an advice book. There’s no “YOU,” only droning “we” stuff. (I guess this is what the listmakers mean by “miscellaneous.”) Chopra says we need to heed some newfangled, nothingburger Jesus straight out of Acme Spirituality Inc. What do you mean we, Mr. Deepak Chopra Man?

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