Personal Note: The lost fruit of suffering
I have been reading lately about something called “dialectical behavior therapy” (DBT). It’s an emotional regulation technique that has to do with being “mindful” of your emotions — observing, describing and participating in your emotions instead of trying to change or avoid them.
DBT suggests that we can go ahead and feel what we feel without judging the feelings or the fact that we’re having them. Feelings, after all, aren’t facts; we neither have to treat them as such nor pretend they don’t exist.
And here’s what really interesting: Many methods of managing emotion use some technique of short-circuiting negative thoughts and changing situations in order to avoid suffering. DBT instead encourages people to bear suffering — a very Christian concept that seems to be anathema in our times.
Hebrews 5:2 tells us that Jesus’ suffering — in which he participated with “loud cries and tears” — taught him obedience, saved others, and caused God to exalt him.
James 5 tells us to be patient in suffering: “Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering…you have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about.” It is important to note that Job didn’t have some kind of Pollyanna faith which caused him to believe that things would turn out all right in the end.
He simply acknowledged, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
A wise woman recently told me that suffering is not just a season in life, but a “work” that we do before God. Thus, we can suffer well or suffer poorly.
The Bible teaches us that suffering, endured patiently, produces good fruit. But the world tells us that suffering is to be avoided at all costs. Since most people are following the way of the world, are we missing out on a bountiful harvest?














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back to top11 Comments to “Personal Note: The lost fruit of suffering”
Lynn- I must say that it was a pain to log in today. I could not remember my old password ( I usually click that “remember me” box, but that didn’t translate to the new site) and the link that was forwarded to me did not get a new password. It just sent me back to the page I came from. Just thought you should know.
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Worthygirl, I’ll pass that along.
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Now, to post about the topic.
We absolutely run from pain. Everything in our society is about avoiding pain. Just this past week a boy was told he couldn’t play ball because he was too good. The other parents didn’t want their children to feel the pain of loss.
We have pain medication for everything. Head pain- joint pain- throat pain- back pain. I will admit that I am downing 3 pain pills at the first throb in my head. However, when we mask pain or avoid it, we often fail to pay attention to what it is warning us about.
We do the same thing with emotional pain. We throw ourselves into a gazillion activities so we never have to be alone. When something is painful- we stuff it down or try to ignore it. I truly believe we are supposed to sit in the pain. We are supposed to let pain catch us instead of running from it.
I have people say that they are afraid to start crying because they are afraid they won’t stop. So, for 10 years they don’t ever grieve the loss of their father/relationship/child/etc. The funny thing is I have never known anyone who started crying and couldn’t stop.
In our culture, anger seems to be the only emotion that most people know how to express well. I am thrilled that people are being encouraged to look at their emotions and feelings.
I believe that God sits with us in the suffering, but that suffering is essential for us in our life’s journey.
wow- it’s been a long time since you heard this much from me.
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As believers we need to understand the value of suffering:
“For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him.” Phil 1:29
“So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you.” 1 Pet 4:19
Some of the most significant growth in our lives actually comes through the most difficult and painful times in our lives. In Is 45:3, God says, “I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness — secret riches.” No matter how deep the darkness may be, there is always treasure in the darkness.
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Excellent post, Worthy Girl. I’m glad you perservered to get in.
Chuck Colson talked about the same subject this morning on Breakpoint: http://tinyurl.com/64kj7m
Philip Yancey made a similar point in his book Rumors–some of this is cultural. Christians in other countries ask God to help them bear their sufferings with grace while Americas pray that God will take their sufferings away.
Much to think about here, for how I handle the relatively minor suffering that comes my way. Thanks for the post.
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It is in our suffering that we are in the most intimate fellowship with Jesus.
I went through a 5 month season of pain with a herniated disc. The pain was excruciating and there were days when all I could do was cry, and there was no end in sight. Having gone through both, sciatica from a herniated disc is way worse than childbirth, BTW.
It was during that time that I was closer to Jesus than I had ever been in my life. There was no end in sight and I wanted to die and I prayed to die. But I learned a lot during that season.
Pain is a gift. It is a gift that on the surface appears to be undesirable. Nobody wants to be in pain. Sometimes it is the tool God uses to make us stop what we’re doing in our busyness and just be still and know He is God.
Believe me, all of my busyness came to a screaching halt. I was literally lame, confined to a palette of blankets on the livingroom floor, 24-7. I crawled to the bathroom and I was completely dependent upon others to take care of my children and to run my household. Oh, and this was during the first Gulf War and my husband was deployed. We lived in Germany at the time so I had no family nearby.
I lived in the book of Job, and I learned that it wasn’t about Job’s suffering (and therefore my suffering), but about the awesomeness of God. I was able to say with Job, “Yet though He slay me, I will hope in Him” and “I know that my Redeemer lives and at last He will take His stand on the earth.”
In pain, I am not alone, although I am alone among my own friends and family members, Jesus is right there with me in the pain. It is the bittersweet cup of the fellowship of suffering. In my suffering, I am in fellowship with Christ in His suffering, and the suffering of the saints throughout the ages.
My pain gave me a hands on greater appreciation of just how much Christ suffered on my behalf, although my own suffering was a mere taste of His suffering. In my pain, I had greater understanding and appreciation for His anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane, and the death He anticipated as He prayed.
Months before I had the herniated disc, I had prayed for God to grow my faith. I wanted a deepeer faith, an unshakable faith. That journey through the depth of pain, minute by agonizing minute, with Christ beside me for every one of them purchased that faith, and for that I would endure it all again.
Pain is a gift and a privilege.
He restored my health and made the lame to walk, pain free. He opened the doors for me to have back surgery, and that season was done.
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This is something I’ve been trying to hash out lately so I’ll be very curious to see people’s opinions on the idea of suffering. I have an untreatable medical condition that causes me to produce constant kidney stones. If you’ve ever had one you know how incredibly painful this can be and I’m to the point now where I get one or two a week that take a few days each to pass. Very few days go by that are pain-free.
However. God – through the pain – is changing me (and for the better I think).
I’ve learned that I want to glorify Christ with this suffering. Clearly He has particularly chosen me to go through this trial and I want to do well in this. The pain all but cancels out the serving I can do outside of my own home and can make serving my daughter and husband (and soon-to-be-born son) impossible also. I try to remind myself that the pain is what I have to offer back up to God. I have no idea how to do this practically, but it’s a work in progress. As the pain gets intense to the point where I have to take the medicine and get in bed I try to focus on something other than myself and my own issues. I try not to pray just that God will remove my illness, but will give me the shoulders to bear it. I also remind myself that there is FAR worse suffering in the world and I thank God that He chose me for something small to bear.
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Wise words and testimony, Kara. Thank you for that…
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During one of my times of suffering, I was advised that “suffering is the fertilizer of spiritual growth – we all want the growth, but no one want to handle the fertilizer.”
As I look back on life, there is a distressing amount of truth to that. Much less of one’s spiritual growth comes in the good times.
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The reference is Hebrews 5:7 (not 5:2)
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Klasko and Kara thanks for sharing your personal stories. Klasko I, too, believe that pain is a gift. I hesitated to word it as such, but truly believe it.
I came to that conclusion about 4 years ago. I was going through a painful period in life, however, my closest friend was really suffering. I asked God to help me understand how pain is a gift. Shortly after that prayer I saw a special on the news that highlighted the journey of a young girl who had a disease that prevented her from feeling pain. Consequently, she had gouged her eye out, burnt her fingertips off, was confined to a wheelchair because of multiple leg breaks. As i watched that show- I repented. I was able to grasp that pain is a gift.
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