It’s easy to pick on Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Light.  When you think art should rise above sheer sentimentality, it can be a family drama to see pictures like this adorning the walls and desks and calendars of your loved ones. 

Yet, Kinkade is a painter of soft, warm feelings, and people buy his stuff.  It is the two-dimensional rendering of the Lifetime Channel movie.  But now, it’s actually a movie!  Enter Thomas Kinkade’s Christmas Cottage:

There you have it, on the poster, Oscar-lauded Peter O’Toole, Lawrence of Arabia himself.  Impressive, Mr. Kinkade.  Most impressive.  Vanity Fair lampoons poor, successful Kinkade by describing him as “a postmodern Norman Rockwell for the evangelist set.”  At least he didn’t say evangelical, although I’m sure that’s what he means. 

In the article, they mock a list of “16 guidelines” created by Kinkade on creating “The Thomas Kinkade Look” for the actual movie.  Read the memo in its entirety.  My favorites are #1, #15, and especially #16.

  • “1) Dodge corners or create darkening towards edge of image for ‘cozy’ look. This may only apply to still imagery, but is useful where applicable.”
  • “15) Nostalgia. My paintings routinely blend timeframes. This is not only okay, but tends to create a more timeless look. Vintage cars (30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s etc) can be featured along with 70’s era cars. Older buildings are favorable. Avoid anything that looks contemporary — shopping centers, contemporary storefronts, etc. Also, I prefer to avoid anything that is shiny.”
  • “16) Most important concept of all — THE CONCEPT OF LOVE. Perhaps we could make large posters that simply say ‘Love this movie’ and post them about.”

I can’t wait to see the movie!