A parental invasion, of sorts
Ever since Facebook dropped its student-only restriction and opened its doors in September 2007 to anyone, many student users have cried foul, saying the unrestricted access allows their parents to spy on them. Some 5,819 disgruntled high school and college-aged students have even joined a Facebook group entitled “For the love of god–don’t let parents join Facebook.”
“It’s really weird that nonstudents and parents use Facebook,” said Emma Gaines, a Tufts University sophomore. “It makes me feel really uncomfortable that my older aunt has Facebook, because she says that she likes to check up on her teenage nieces and nephews and takes our pictures for her own use. That’s creepy.”
While some Facebook users will continue to protest their parents’ presence on the site, the growing nonstudent membership has had a positive influence in spurring some students to clean up their profiles and make their posted content more adult-friendly. But as William and Mary sophomore Russell Taylor told ABC News, “People shouldn’t be putting anything inappropriate on Facebook anyway. Why would you want what you’re doing in public? It’ll come back to haunt you in some way or another.”

















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back to top39 Comments to “A parental invasion, of sorts”
I think the younger folks really have a poor grasp of just what private and public mean. I once used the phrase “Is this for public consumption?” on someone’s wall and I dont think it was understood
One of my brothers has FB and even admitted it was a way to keep up with his daughters. Since he is divorced I would hope that his exwife has it as well. The early 20ish folks seem to mainly post pix of themselves in various states of inebriation. Married folks post pix of themselves with kids on recent vacations.
I would hate for any young person out there to be refused a job for something he/she chose to disclose on FB but if that happens we know who should get the blame, right?
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The internet in general is a mystery to my elderly mother. But we discovered the internet printing service called presto dotcom. At last we will be able to send digital pix to Grandma. We can send text as well. She however can only receive and we think it was a great way to keep Granny updated on all that’s going on with us.
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Even at my age I wouldn’t put anything out in public I wouldn’t want my mother to see.
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The trick is not to accept your mother as your friend
That goes over real big.
Seriously, two of the best things for parents of teenagers to do is keep plenty of spies and pray that your kids will get caught.
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#4, I thought about that. But who ordinarily pays for the internet access most teens have??
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Facebook isn’t really public. It is only for “friends” that you let into your inner circle.
Teens in my circle of friends (mostly college kids around the country) use it to let family and friends know what they are up to. I use it as a dynamic “Christmas Letter” that never goes stale. Friends can learn about our family if they want.
Certain nosy adults do use it as a gossip channel, to sniff out dirt on the teens. Certain Pharisees in our church use it to find people to add to the naughty list. The key is to not put anything up there that can be used against you.
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Can’t businesses use Facebook to check on employee applicants?
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Parents are supposed to spy on their children.
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You can’t open the page unless the person has accepted you as a friend, so no, not just anyone can get in unless you’ve left yourself wide open to checking.
If my daughter leaves facebook open on the computer, I can surf through her friends’ pages. I don’t usually do that because I end up seeing pictures and reading things I’d really rather not know. I have facebook to monitor her–she can’t be on it if I can’t see what she’s posted–but I don’t spend a lot of time there. I’m too busy inspecting the photos of my grand-niece or becoming friends of my husband’s college roommates.
Sawgunner has it best–most kids have no sense of boundaries on the Internet. I will say, though, that on more than one occasion my daughter has used her facebook account to do homework with her friends–they post whatever they’re having trouble with and then discuss it. We hardly ever IM anymore–technology is changing so fast!
In our business, if we have concerns about a potential client, we always google them and inspect their website. We’ve turned people down many times because of what we’ve seen on the internet.
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7. I read an article in Reader’s Digest about how a lot of young people are losing out on jobs because of stupid or controversial stuff they’ve put on the Internet. But this was mostly blogs, not face book. Be careful about what would show up if somebody google your name.
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A timely thread for me, since I joined facebook last week and am trying to grasp what it is all about. I had a couple of invites to do so and finally decided to go ahead and join to see some photos. I have not gone out and recruited anyone as a friend and actually asked my daughters for advice on this very issue. I have had a niece and nephew ask for me to become friends. I am not interested in invading anyone’s space, but I am interested in them.
I guess the presence of the older generation might may some of the younger a little more aware of what they are posting. There are some images I have seen even before I joined that I thought were inappropriate. They did not make me love those who displayed them less. I just shook my head at the foolishness of youth and remembered my own foolishness.
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Maybe the key is to stop living sleazy lives that we wouldn’t want our parents to see. Students who live well-mannered, clean, sober, hard-working lives won’t be afraid of what their parents (or anyone else) might find out about them.
I don’t think that’s an unrealistic expectation, but I know it is very politically incorrect to suggest that young people are perfectly capable of (horrors!)living clean, decent lives.
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Some things are not necessarily sleazy; just inappropriate for public consumption or even extended family sharing. There are things between couples, for example, that should stay there. Our society, as a whole, has made it more permissable to go public with many things that are best left in more private settings.
On the old phones where there might have been several homes where anyone could listen in or an operator that certainly could listen in, people were careful about what they said. They were less careful on phones that seemed to be more private. Politicians have seen the foolishness of that assumption more than once. Facebook etc. participants may find the same thing true.
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Don’t know about Facebook but did do myspace when my older kids first got involved, by mutual agreement. Did not allow extra fourteen year old on his account until he gave me his password and username. That is how I learned kids were accessing the internet for fun at school. His info was changing while he was not here. Just because the child has it set up at home does not mean it is the only place they can access it. Schools, homes of friends, libraries, etc. all work. There was a lot of garbage on there but it shows the heart of the kids and the desperate loneliness that shows the need of Christ and the need of loving parents to show concern. And just so you know, I am quite aware the boy could easily enough set up an alternate account, giving me access to the nice one.
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NJL
Indeed, businesses do track use of social media. It’s part of due diligence. After all, you do want to see what your prospective employee has been up to. And really prospective employees do the same (well, I have): who are the people you are interviewing with? what else do you know about the company and the industry? The digital highway goes in all sorts of directions.
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I enjoy FaceBook and keep up with former students I taught (many of whom are graduating college this year), people in the various cities in which we’ve lived, friends I’ve made on here, etc.
One way employers can check your page is if you list a “network” (usually regional or school association) and they are in the same network. The default setting is for anyone in your network to see most of your profile. If you’re uncomfortable with that, go into your privacy settings and change it. My email is in my profile if someone has questions.
The photo-sharing is invaluable to me–I love being able to see Christmas photos of families we aren’t able to visit, for example. Currently my friends from high school (’90-’94) are pulling out old photos from that era–who let us dress like that?!?
———–
I can be found on any of World/WMB’s associated pages, btw.
My user name here is my middle initial on FB, which is rare enough to narrow it down!
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And the one time I don’t preview, I forget to turn off the bold–only “can” should be bolded—sorry!!!
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This was one of Obama’s questions for potential employees, to the effect, is there anything on the Internet, emails, that could embarrass the Administration.
Harris, I do google people, but now I will do so before an interview. I’ve googled myself, but nada comes up, so that’s okay.
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I have Facebook account. I use it to keep up with friends and for business networking. It is good to have a 22 yr old nephew…there was a CD my daughter wanted for Christmas. I called him and asked if there was anything I would find offensive on it. He said she absolutely cannot have that CD. She didn’t get it. He called me the other night to ask if she was allowed to have a Myspace account…she had sent a friend request. Oh how glad I am I was nice to him when he was a little boy…he rats her out all the time.
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Oh and I absolutely much have all of her login information and passwords. If I can’t get in it, she can’t have it.
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I’m on FaceBook and have found it a nice way to keep up with some of my nieces and nephews, as well as other friends whom I don’t see regularly. I let the nephs and niece invite me to be their friends, though; I didn’t seek them out. I’ve also been able to catch up a little with some old high school and college friends and with some other friends who recently moved.
I would not call most of these people just to chat, so FB is a way to stay in touch a little bit with what’s going on in their lives.
Like Cameron, I’m on World/WMB’s associated pages, but I’m not sure how findable I am.
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What do you all mean by associated pages?
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I joined Facebook about a year ago. At that time I had one college-age son on it. I now have four kids on it ranging from ages 16-26. It is a good way for me to stay in touch with kids who are far away and build relationships with their friends. But, I maintain that one of the best reasons for me to stay on Facebook is that my presence provides some accountablility for my kids and also for their friends who I FB with. We all need accountability in our lives and teens especially.
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Graceland,
World/WMB has “fan” pages–I’m listed as a fan of both. It helps spread the publicity a little. In theory, if we were FB friends, you might visit my page, see that I’m a fan of WMB, think, “What’s that?”, click on it, and find a new Christian news source. (Assuming for the moment that you weren’t already here!)
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I’m in my late 20s, but have not yet joined Facebook. Almost all of my friends have, and now even my mother-in-law. I think the only reason I still have not joined is out of protest, and I’m not sure that is a good enough reason.
It’s easy to see the benefits, but after holding out for so long I almost hate to give in at this point. It’s the same thing I went through with cell phones. Once you give in, you’re no longer unique.
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Cameron,
I think I get it. So you’re talking about something within Facebook, almost like a community? I thought you were talking about pages within the World website.
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Graceland,
Yep, the “associated pages” that two of us mentioned are within FB, not World itself. Any company or product you can think of has a fan page–free advertising!
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Graceland–
I always thought you were older (sorry) than in-your-twenties ….
Anyhow, my mother also recently joined Facebook, and my sister’s had it for a while, as well as my cousin … and I’m the lone protester within the family, primarily for the sake of protesting.
However, I also enjoy my privacy. I teach at a large state institution, and we’re warned ahead of time that students will look us up on FB, will try to friend us, etc …. It’s so much easier, and simpler, to remain anonymous on the web.
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Just because you have the access info to their account does not mean they do not have another or more accounts. Some kids are more than happy to let you in. Others are more than happy to let you in to the one you know about, keeping the other for more important stuff. Some verse in Jeremiah comes to mind, something about the heart being desperately wicked.
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“make their posted content more adult-friendly”
I chuckled when I read that. I thought the internet police were trying to make it more child friendly.
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I wasn’t even aware that Facebook used to allow only students. That was before my then-15-year-old daughter asked a year ago if she could have a Facebook account. I got on first to explore it and talked with some other parents about their experiences with it. I also found some helpful advice in an article on the Focus on the Family website.
After a couple weeks I felt I understood it well enough to let my daughter get on, but first we walked through a “contract” based on the FOTF recommendations. We both initialed each paragraph, and both signed it at the bottom. We talked about what would and would not be appropriate to post. I also stressed that she could be Facebook friends only with people she knows in real life. And my wife and I have to be her friends so we can see what anyone else can see about her.
I’ve not tried to “friend” her friends. Just because I keep an eye on her, I don’t need to be in on everything all her friends are doing. But, to my surprise, a few of them have “friended” me, mostly her friends we’ve known since they were small.
I thought that would be the extent of my involvement in Facebook, but to my further surprise several long-lost friends of mine have found and “friended” me. After that happened a couple times I started looking actively for others, resulting in renewed corespondence with my best buddy from high school (last seen in 1985) and a valued young adult mentor from my teen years (last heard from in 1978).
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I’ve found Facebook to be cleaner and safer than MySpace and other similar sites. It is very limited as to what you can do and having parents around also helps keep it clean.
I consider it to be a very useful online photo album for family and friends. Even looking at the pages of rowdier teens I know, their pages are still pretty clean compared to the Internet at large.
It is great for communicating with people serving overseas in the military or old friends and distant relatives or kids at college that you rarely see.
Churches have started using it as a safe way to get to know other families beyond the four walls and formalities of church.
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Again, just because you have the access info to the kids’ facebook and all is well and good, do not assume they are showing all their sites. They can easily have accounts on the other and you would never know it if you are complacently thinking how your dear sweet one would never pull the wool over your eyes.
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When I complained about not getting any recent photos during the holidays, both my grandkids told me I should join Facebook, then I’d see a lot of pics of them. While flattered that they suggested this old lady join FB, I can’t help but wonder what I’d put on my own page. My life isn’t that interesting these days. I think I’ll talk to both of them some more before I join. Having been a teenager myself in another life, the last thing I want to do is spy on them [but I do want to keep in touch better, esp with Grandson at college in another state].
This morning Dennis Prager was talking about FB not allowing a woman to show a picture of herself breastfeeding her baby on her page. He was in agreement, not because of possible sexual content, but because people no longer seem to have a sense of dignity about themselves. I agree with him about that, especially when I’m in a public rest room and some gal in the next stall is chatting away on her cell phone. It’s bad enough that half the people in the store are walking around appearing to talk to themselves, but in a rest room stall? Good grief!
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Again, just because you have the access info to the kids’ facebook and all is well and good, do not assume they are showing all their sites.
This is true, but if their site is regularly active, I think it would probably be safe to assume that it’s their main account.
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Ree,
Indeed.
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It’s a whole new world, that’s for sure. My job is becoming more focused on our joining these online networking sites, including Twitter and Facebook.
But it’s still fairly new to me so I’ve recently ordered “Facebook for Dummies” and another book from Amazon that provides guidelines on what to post, what NOT to post, and how to use Facebook wisely.
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In defense of being yourself on the internet:
http://lauriechancey.blogspot.com/2008/11/blog-to-beat-of-your-own-accordion.html
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adult-friendly
Wow. I can’t help but be amused that “adult-friendly” means the same thing as “child friendly”. I think we have a bell curve…
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