Andrée Seu Peterson on the "Time" cover 
Click to Print
Include Comments
The “S” word
Socialization is a much-discussed topic among the educationally minded, but honestly, it’s a tired debate. Those who argue against homeschooling claim that homeschooled children don’t have enough opportunities to be involved with other kids so that they know how to behave properly. On the other hand, those who argue for homeschooling say their kids are so involved in outside activities with peers that they have trouble getting their homework done. Granted, I’ve overstated both sides, but you get the idea.
Like any good parent, I think there is definite value in my children knowing how to relate to others. I want them to be able to carry on conversations comfortably with people in their 50s (which they can), or to enjoy the presence of high school kids when my husband’s students join us for dinner (which they do). I want my girls to do a great job serving a mom with young children by playing well with her kids while she and I chat (which they have).
But none of this is going to happen magically because my kids are at home . . . or in school . . . or because I’ve enrolled them in children’s choir . . . or because they’re taking swimming lessons. Socialization (a more biblical idea goes by the name of “community”) takes intentionality, the kind I myself struggle to initiate and experience in my own socialized experience.
How do I model to my children a life of true community with faithful friends who will serve as anchors in life? Do my kids have friends who love at all times and stick closer than a brother? I’m suspect as to whether they do yet, but I pray one day they will.
Though the buzzword is “socialization,” living life in community is the real need. This is true regardless of educational bent, and something we as parents need to think more about for our kids . . . and perhaps for ourselves as well.
back to top11 Comments to “The “S” word”
This is an interesting question. As a homeschooler who wound up getting socialized okay (I’m now a medical student and president of the Christian Medical Society here at school), let me chip in a few thoughts:
The socialization that I experienced as a homeschooler was really, really good for me– I spent a lot of time interacting with other families, so I learned how to relate to people who are not in my peer group. I was also involved with some activities (like martial arts) that were with non-homeschoolers and I had neighborhood friends who went to public school, so I was able to interact with people outside of my “tribe” (which, I think, can be a real danger for homeschooled kids who never leave the protective Evangelical bubble and thus never learn to relate with people who are different from them.) I also went on various mission trips with my church, further helping me learn to “socialize” by interacting with people from different cultures.
I started going to community college at age 14, and that transition was a little tough. However, I was able to keep up academically and was alright. I probably would have had a harder time when I went away to college and lived on campus, but I had a lot of friends at school already and got hooked up with their social networks.
In the end, though, I agree with you about intentional community (we used that phrase so much in InterVarsity in college that now we make fun of each other for it, but I think there’s a good idea behind it.) By nature we are exclusive souls and we’ll insulate ourselves from others automatically if we’re not careful. There still remains much to be learned about how to live and love others in our community.
One of the cool things that my parents do (and I recognize that not every family can do this) is they have an “open door” policy: young people (especially high schoolers and college students) can wander in and out of my house any time they want. There are 14 children in my family, so there’s always someone to play with or some way to help. The house has become a hub for good community, and it’s been awesome to watch.
Report comment to moderator
I’ve been doing a bunch of reading on private schools and school choice for some blog posts I’ve been working on, and I read something interesting along these lines yesterday. It’s about involvement in the community rather than “socialization” per se, but what it comes down to is relationships with other people and getting involved instead of sticking to yourself.
The people most involved turn out to be those who went to private school or were home schooled. Conjecture as to the reason for this is that involvement flows out of having relationships of trust and solidarity. And those relationships develop better in private schools and home schooling than in public schools.
People who have learned to establish good relationships are going to be able to continue to do that in a wider society. What I learned in public school, very early, was not to trust anyone – at least not among my peers (I did trust the teachers). Trust wasn’t something I learned at home either, unfortunately, and it’s something I still have a lot of trouble with.
Report comment to moderator
Socialization and community are two different things. Community is not just the “biblical” version of socialization.
Community deals with trust, intimacy, love for people, etc.
Socialization is just the ability to navigate in a social setting, with people you may not know and who may not know you.
To some extent, socialization ~does~ “magically happen” by when kids are put into situations where it behooves them to socialize. It’s like plopping yourself down in a country that speaks a foreign language. It is beneficial for you to learn it, and you can’t help but be surrounded by it. So you tend to learn the language. Contrast this with trying to learn the language sans immersion.
Report comment to moderator
Don’t ya’ll get the Christmas letters saying that GirlX loves gymnastics, ice skating, and socializing?
My kids are going to be networking so that they will be ahead of the game!
Mike
Report comment to moderator
At the risk of sounding acerbic, I admit and accuse schools of thoroughly socializing children.
Socializing – Processing children to fit into a pre-existent system.
Schools, television and culture act as the three primary agents. Schools certainly like to pretend they encourage diversity but its victims typically understand something is wrong, though they lack the education necessary to express the problem. Deviance must not occur. Remember how ruthlessly the teacher put down the kid who knew a shorter way of doing the math problem? Or perhaps he did it sympathetically. It makes no difference.
School talks about race, culture, and tolerance. In reality the only tolerable differences are superficial, while real ones are paved over. The only real difference between a black and a white person is skin color. Then it pretends women are no different from men. The permitted extent of culture is national dress, but children learning real skills by assisting parents are presented as proof of need for child labor laws. Instances of morality in other cultures are dismissed as views held by a bigoted minority.
Socialization is inhuman, mechanical. Successfully dealing with other people is called maturity, which is currently far too scarce. I’m reminded of the grandparent’s complaint that young people are no longer respectful, or those who think arrogance and anger are the proper way to communicate on a blog.
Report comment to moderator
As someone who was homeschooled and has had a lot of contact with other homeschooled children, I have seen both ends of the spectrum. Some homeschooled children are very well socialized and others had noticeably deficient social skills. In my own observations, it seems many parents decide to homeschool their children to insulate them from typical social situations and these children have noticeable difficulty relating to people other than their own families. Of course there are plenty of counter-examples of homeschooled children that do just fine in social situations.
Report comment to moderator
I’ve discovered that the Bible speaks about the public school’s definition of socialization…
“Do not be deceived; ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’.”
I Cor 15:33
There is a need for parents to direct and oversee an attitude of community. My kids have had an eclectic mix of public school, private school and home school. The avenue for the greatest socialization is ministry involvement.
Report comment to moderator
“I’ve discovered that the Bible speaks about the public school’s definition of socialization…
“Do not be deceived; ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’.”
I Cor 15:33 …The avenue for the greatest socialization is ministry involvement.”
Well said Dad of 5.
Report comment to moderator
Provost et. al.:
While the dictionary definition of “socialization” does include some of what you’re talking about with regard to “values”, that’s not what people are usually getting at when they criticize homeschooling.
Rather, they’re just talking about “socialization” as the development of “social skills”.
Can the kid carry on a conversation with someone he doesn’t know closely?
Can he navigate disagreements in an productive way?
Can he engage in “two-way” conversation, or does he tend to monopolize?
That sort of thing.
Report comment to moderator
Kids can be taught to navigate social situations well, nomatter how they learn math. Practice looking someone in the eye and smiling. Practice strong, friendly handshakes.
Bring kids along to serve, and prompt them to ask the leader how they can help, or point out a lonely person who looks like she could use a warm smile.
I send my little ones on “Grandma Patrol”–a term a dear friend uses–I encourage them to give one of the older ladies in church a hug and then come back to me. The enthusiastic appreciation they experience from these dear ladies is a terrific way to teach them to look for opportunities to brighten another person’s day!
My older ones are now on the lookout themselves, and honestly are sweet, friendly kids.
Report comment to moderator
At the risk of sounding acerbic, I admit and accuse schools of thoroughly socializing children. Socializing – Processing children to fit into a pre-existent system. Schools, television and culture act as the three primary agents. </I
I fully agree but this can be good or bad, it depends on the content delivered by the agents of socialization.
Report comment to moderator
back to topJoin The Conversation
You need to be a registered user of WORLDmag.com's Community section to "join the conversation."
If you are not a member yet, what are you waiting for? Register / Login Now!