Are you tired of living in this capitalist hell? Do you believe in market failures? Did you vote for change? Do you expect your charismatic new leader to fix it all for you? Are you searching the net for a “conservative” blog where you can call someone a “pig”? Or at least a “pumpkin”? Do you like soul searching? Grab your organic fair-trade decaf latte and take the test below.

Find out on your own the facts and analyze the available figures for the countries below to answer the question: Where would you rather live as a “commoner”?

  1. a) Miami or b) Havana
  2. a) South Korea or b) North Korea
  3. a) Taipei or b) Beijing
  4. a) Hong Kong of “benevolent neglect” or b) China of the Great Leap Forward
  5. a) Chile or b) Venezuela
  6. a) Botswana or b) Zimbabwe
  7. a) West Germany of 1989 or b) East Germany of 1989
  8. a) Ireland after liberalization or b) pre-liberalized Ireland
  9. a) Hungary after Milton Friedman’s visit or b) Hungary after the Soviet tanks’ visit
  10. a) flat-tax Bulgaria or b) socialist-welfare Bulgaria

If your answers were mostly “b,” you may appeal to Castro for an opportunity to switch places with any ungrateful inhabitant of his tropical paradise. Hopefully there’s at least one misinformed Cuban who will give up his guaranteed job and free healthcare to be enslaved by the cruel market forces of the U.S. of A. Sucker, serves him right for betraying Che’s dream.

If, however, you find yourself in the embarrassing position of selecting five or more “a” answers, don’t call your shrink. Relax. You are not schizophrenic. There is a simple explanation. It’s rational self-interest, an extension of your biological instincts for self-preservation and avoiding pain. You may find pleasure in bashing capitalism but only after you have filled up on turkey and gravy provided by the free market.

You don’t have to be consistent to be a working-class hero. Karl Marx found a safe haven in England, the bastion of unbridled 19th-century profiteering. Economic freedom gave him the political freedom to criticize capitalism. To write Das Kapital, the bible of the oppressed proletarians, Marx used the “surplus” that Engels “expropriated” from a group of wage-laborers. Surely a great end justifies some not-so-great means. So don’t be too hard on yourself; the comrades still like you. Sweet dreams.