A longing unfulfilled
As children across the country have been celebrating the last day of school, my kids hosted their own end-of-school carnival for their friends in our backyard.
I say “carnival” loosely because it was a project envisioned, engineered, constructed, and carried out completely by the kids, all of whom happen to be 10 or under.
There were 17 kids in our smallish backyard. As my only responsibilities were to provide drama control (15 of the 17 were girls) and keep the snack shack in constant supply, it was a fairly easy day for me. The kids did their thing at their various stations for several hours, and I chatted the day away with parents on the deck.
Then a car pulled up in my neighbor’s driveway. A woman rolled down her window and, with great hope in her eyes, called out to ask if I was operating an at-home day care.
I began laughing hysterically at the thought . . . until I saw her hope disappear. She looked so disappointed. I walked over to her as she began pouring out her story: single grandmother with sole custody of her two young grandchildren looking for some kind of a lifeline, wondering if it might be attached to the tree in my backyard.
I affirmed her in her role and acknowledged how hard it must be. I shook my head sadly as I told her I wasn’t aware of any in-home day cares in our neighborhood and that, while we might look like one here, we’re really just four families getting together for an afternoon of play.
Not wanting to send her away empty-handed, I gave her the name of the seminary we have connections with and told her a new seminary wife looking for work might be just the ticket for her. Hope slowly began to return to her life-weary eyes. She thanked me and backed out of my neighbor’s driveway, leaving me to the 17 kids in my backyard having a grand old time.
The five-minute conversation made me profoundly thankful for my situation and equally sad for hers. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” I saw hope deferred in that poor woman’s face. And I longed to give her something better than another “what if,” but I had nothing else to offer.
What does hope look like when extended to a weary grandmother lamenting her grandchildren’s challenges because of her own child’s parental failures? What would you have said? What would you have done?

















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back to top15 Comments to “A longing unfulfilled”
God bless that grandma! I hope she gets help. Sound familiar.. Dad in the slammer. Never married the mommy. Mommy with a court order revoking her parental rights. (Or else mommy trying to eke out an income with minimal ed or marketable job skills) Grandma well past the mommy years yet once again thrust into that role. Had such a family as my San Antonio tenants.
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Offered free child care until she could find something that worked for her. What an opportunity to minister to hurting children and hurting grandmother. Maybe even a window to the parents along with some valuable opportunity to pass on some parenting skills. That offer would have to be made with the clear understanding grandma might never find a place that worked for her.
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Hmmmm… offer FREE child care until she could find something that works for her… meaning offer her free child care until she can locate child care for which she will pay for? Sounds oddly familiar.. “We’ll stand down just as soon as they’re ready to stand up..” Well, what incentive is there to ever stand up, to find for-fee child care??
But I do agree. I think we in the Christian community have a great opportunity. Assuming zoning laws would allow it, can you imagine the real Kingdom differences older retired or semi-retired Christians could make by assuming the mantel of pro bono child care in their neighborhoods??! (Again, traffic congestion might be a zoning matter). Fatherless kids could gain real Christian role models. What a great way to advance His Gospel!
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Interestingly, it does work and it does offer an opportunity to help mold a child and help a parent learn parenting skills.
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When my church opened a day care, my heart was sick. (We actually took on a day care another church didn’t want anymore; we didn’t start from scratch.) Our argument was that we were ministering to parents, often single mothers, and their children. I asked couldn’t we instead somehow find a way to care for their kids in their own homes, offer the mothers an opportunity to work from home, anything other than day care? I didn’t really think about it till then, but one problem with most of American households being dual income is that few women are around to offer such creative volunteer ministries . . .
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I would have made sure to tell the grandmother that she was on my prayer list. and to ask if she would at some time soon in the future tell you how her searching was going. Then I would make sure that the next time I spoke with my pastor that I mention her. As well as mentioning her at the Bible study. Also I would mention her in your blog
You have done well
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Monty, you are really entrancing me the more I read you.
I think you should do more mentioning.
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I would have asked for her phone number and called her back later with contact info for one of the home-based daycares in the area. There’s one a couple blocks from my house, and others that I can get info on from the info board in the breakroom at work.
The company I work for is the largest employer in town, and lots of people who work here have young children. Some people take their kids to grandparents, but others don’t have that option. Some daycare providers specialize in meeting the needs of workers on a certain shift, since none of the shifts in the plant is 8-5 like the office is.
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Unlike many people here, Pauline is sensible. Pay attention to her.
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Monty, your post implies you would have noticed her dashed hope and given her a second thought (then done more). Is this correct?
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I had a cop come to my door once wanting to see my home daycare license and kept talking asking me if I was the only adult on the premises while expecting me to go get the license. I should have reordered my response because I said, “I am the only adult here and I don’t have a license.” He didn’t let me finish before telling me about all sorts of trouble I was now in because the city required a license and a 6 to 1 child/adult ratio. As soon as he took a breath I told him all seven of the kids in the house were birthed by me.
He had a rather life-weary look in his eyes at that point too. We were new to the neighborhood and it seems some neighbor, instead of being neighborly and introducing themselves, just took to a lot of assuming
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Funny, ADIOS. Didn’t the nosey neighbor notice the lack of cars coming by to drop off and pick up the kids?
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Adios, your story reminds me of the visit my aunt made to welcome a new neighbor who had built a home near her. The woman warily told my aunt she hoped she liked children. My aunt laughed and told the woman she had reared nine of her own. Apparently, the old neighbors of the woman gave her such a hard time about her big family that she felt it necessary to move. The old neighborhood believed 1.8 kids or something to that affect were plenty, otherwise you were taking up valuable resources.
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In the 1970’s, when our daughter was 4, we had a hippy babysitter. Now, looking back on it, I think What were we thinking?
Next door to Karen, the hippy, was a conservative Christian woman who also was a babysitter. who would have fit in at wmb just fine. We used her as a backup babysitter if Karen was sick.
One sunny summer day, Karen the hippy let my daughter, her son, and the other kids in her care, all 3 and 4, run around naked in the backyard.
The Christian neighbor called the police who asked Karen to dress the kids. Karen called a neighborhood newspaper who wrote up a tongue-in-cheek story with a picture of my daughter (though not showing anything really provocative in the photo).
I knew nothing about this. The day the newspaper was delivered, Karen was sick so I knocked on the neighbor’s door to ask her to babysit. She answered the door, took one look at me, and thrust the newspaper at me in indignation, because the newspaper had portrayed her as an uptight religious fanatic.
It took me a while to get her calmed down, but she finally agreed to take care of my daughter for the day after chewing me out as a careless and uncaring father who would let his daughter fall into who knows what kind of harm and abuse.
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#10, Endyblue, God has blessed me over and over again. I feel it is His will that I help others. I pray for a discerning heart and ask for guidance on a case by case basis. Many times God has had me open the doors for others. He often provides me with the door key seconds prior to the need being expressed.
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