Comments on: Tell your wife everything?

By: REG

REG — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 01:57:11 +0000

“If in ministry a pastor and his wife are the same flesh, why not take turns in the pulpit?”

Now there is a thought…

By: Kwerna

Kwerna — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:29:26 +0000

BTW, the “one flesh” argument for tellling spouses all is a little silly. Is it okay to only invite the husband to dinner and not the wife because they’re “one flesh” anyway?

Or only to get a Christmas present for her and not for him, because they are one flesh? Or give him medical care when she’s sick? On Father’s Day, does it matter which of your parents you express love and gratitude towards, seeing how spiritually and emotionally one they are?

Can you talk as intimately to your sister’s husband as you do to your sister and give him the same big tearful hugs?

If in ministry a pastor and his wife are the same flesh, why not take turns in the pulpit?

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By: Kwerna

Kwerna — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:15:26 +0000

People confess their struggles and sins to their pastor in his professional capacity, much as they would talk to a professional psychologist. They assume his integrity, which includes his ability to keep private matters private. For a pastor to talk about it with his wife is not only a breach of confidence, both professionally and personally, that may alienate the person confessing and end up irrevocably damaging relationships, but it is also nothing more than hearsay.

Pastors and their wives are only human–they may make mistakes, rush to judgment, take on grudges on behalf of others, which the Bible forbids.

I have known gossipy pastors and wives all my life.

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By: Cuthalion

Cuthalion — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 01:49:36 +0000

Seems to me that John’s wife is married to John and not to Sam.

In other words, anything going on in John’s life is fair game for his wife to know, but anything going on in Sam’s life is not. I suppose I’m only an ignorant single person, but I respect people who decline to reveal priveledged information. I think that would extend even to my hypothetical wife. I may be curious, but it’s about her friend, not me, so it’s none of my business.

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By: REG

REG — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 17:56:09 +0000

Perhaps we would not need these “Mutual Meddling Associations” (accountability partners) if we would be content to stay home rather than eat out, entertain ourselves at home, rather than at the movies, beach, etc., in other words, not expose ourselves to so much immodesty which promotes lust, which, in turn, only serves to entertain our accountability partner when we discuss our personal battles.

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By: REG

REG — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:17:37 +0000

Yeah, this happened to me after my ex-husband and I met with our pastor and one elder. The elder went home and told his wife how our marraige was falling apart, infidelity, etc. The wife proceeded to call me on the phone and offer to “be there” for me. I was horrified that she knew this confidential information. The next thing I noticed is that we spent six more months in this church where literally NO one spoke to me. And we had potlucks and a second service EVERY week. So none of the women would acknowledge that I existed while we prepared and ate our meals and attended our two services. Barely any of the men acknowledged my husband. I tried explaining this to the pastor and how this just wasn’t going to work, to no avail, and we finally decided to leave the church. The problem is that when those in leadership believe that their church is the only correct church, it can’t be right for people to leave. So we were not allowed to leave quietly. We were harassed by mail/pupit/phone for two years and then excommunicated. Ah, the power of the foolish tongue and the use of foolish power!!

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By: Xion

Xion — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 16:17:52 +0000

As for the trust issue, I admire some of the women here who can be trusted with secrets.

I mentioned to my pastor once that I heard something “through the grapevine” and he said, “Your wife is the grapevine!”. He was right. You know that verse that says that everything said in secret will be shouted from the rooftops? Well, that pretty much describes my life.

Nothing is too intimate or inappropriate for my wife to tell her friends about. They know everything about me and I mean everything (use your imagination). When they look at me I wonder what they are thinking. For this reason I rarely tell her anything that I don’t want spread around. The kids and others do the same.

She won’t be confronted about it or change, so I have come to just accept it. As husbands and wives, we know each other’s sins and some won’t ever go away. I’ve come to view this as an opportunity to love, despite all the pain and hurt loose lips can cause.

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By: Xion

Xion — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 15:52:09 +0000

Should wives and husbands tell each other everything?

Do women really want to know what men are actually thinking at all times? I don’t think it would be possible to have a relationship that honest. Does my wife really want to know when she doesn’t look pretty or when she says something dumb or when she is being childish? It would require a very high level of maturity and a willingness to deal with a lot of hurt without resentment. I would never want to be that transparent.

But then I think about Jesus who knew other people’s thoughts. He treated the woman at the well with kindness even knowing her innermost secrets. That is the grace of God, to know all of a person’s sins and love him/her anyway. I’ve never seen that kind of love in my lifetime. If everyone at church knew everyone else’s thoughts the church would immediately dissolve.

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By: nopm

nopm — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 21:37:22 +0000

Thorn,

I think its all related to the same basic question of gossip and privacy.

I suppose that is enough from me.

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By: Thorn

Thorn — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 19:28:33 +0000

In re: 48

Well, it seems the issue of the OP arises out of the wife’s reaction around the person in question. But the wife shouldnt react in such ways knowing someone elses sin, the pastor isnt. Seems obvious she is being judgemental. Maybe simply in the same way that its easy to love someone pretty or handsome, but hard to love a retarded kid for some. Then again, knowing someone’s sins can also make us want to be sensitive to those issues, and thus we react awkwardly.

In re: 49

Church discipline denotes a lack of repetance, whether innocent or guilty. I dont think thats the same thing as someone coming to a pastor out of confession or to anyone else.

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