Missing my dad
A song by the group Mercy Me generated a familiar mix of sadness and joy. This will be my fifth Father’s Day since my dad went to be with his Heavenly Father. The lyrics from “Finally Home” hit close to home:
I’m gonna wrap my arms around my daddy’s neck
And tell him that I’ve missed him.
And tell him all about the man that I became
And hope that it pleased him
When I finally make it home
My dad made a difference in my life. I have learned that you will make a difference in the lives of your children. Children listen only sometimes. But they are always watching. My dad probably never realized how closely I was watching.
Paul Burchett was a good man. Not a perfect man. Kindness was his calling card to everyone around him. The last time I saw my father he left me with a memory that will stay with me till I join him in eternity.
My last visit with Dad was a roller-coaster of emotions. He had made a remarkable and inspiring comeback from a devastating stroke and brain injury. I actually got to talk to him on the phone! It was a moment so special that I will always be grateful to God for a chance to hear my dad’s voice one more time. But by the time I got back to his bedside a few days later something had begun to go terribly wrong. He was less responsive. The words came sparingly and with difficulty.
Nonetheless, when I walked into the room Dad’s eyes came alive and he grabbed my hand with an intensity that clearly communicated that he knew me. He stared at me and would often flash that special smile. But his words were few—mainly simple responses to my questions.
Our family had encountered one difficult employee at the hospital in Columbus, Ohio. Unfortunately, she was going to be responsible for placing Dad into what we hoped would be successful rehab. She had done nothing helpful and she had done that with a bad attitude. I was frustrated. I looked at my sister Sherry as I held my father’s hand and said, “We don’t have to take that crap!” To my surprise, out of that shell that was my dad came a very clear and loud response: “I taught you that!” That was the last complete sentence I heard from my dad.
“I taught you that.”
My father taught me a whole lot more than standing up for myself and others. He taught me that all of God’s children are to be valued, that everyone is important and deserves to be treated with dignity.
He taught me the concept of grace. When I was in junior high I somehow managed to establish “credit” at a hobby store. I ran up a debt that was monumental in those days. When Dad found out I was terrified, but he taught me that grace means unmerited forgiveness for obvious guilt. He taught me what forgiveness looks like, and what it means for someone to pay for your sin when it is undeserved. I got a little foretaste of how a few years later Jesus would pay an even more overwhelming debt for me that I could never pay.
Dad taught me that humor is a gift from God. That laughing at life and especially at yourself makes it a whole lot easier to deal with daily frustrations. He taught me that you are about as happy as you make up your mind to be.
You taught me a lot, Dad, and I will be forever grateful. God’s Word consistently paints an image of God as our Father. Many people struggle with that picture because they can only relate to an angry, dominating, or selfish father. I thank God that I was blessed with a father who gave me a clear image of how I can relate to God as my Heavenly Father.
It is a comfort to know that I did not “lose” my dad five years ago. I know exactly where he is. Perhaps that is the greatest blessing you can give your children this Father’s Day. The knowledge that my dad loved Jesus and was ready to die was an incredible comfort for me and those he left behind. Having a personal relationship with your Heavenly Father is a great gift to give your children on this special day.




Learn it! Speak it! Live it!
Bring Christmas to a child in need!








Click to Print
Include Comments











back to top24 Comments to “Missing my dad”
My father died 20 years ago. I still miss him daily.
Report comment to moderator
When I look at the simple things my Dad was able to do; things which so many “greater” men failed at doing like lifelong marriage, home ownership, success at a job he had little formal training for– moments like that are when I realize how deeply I’m indebted to him.
Report comment to moderator
I need some prayers for my Dad, please.
It’s been a rough three months, in and out of hospitals and rehab his dementia advanced more rapidly than we ever suspected. He lost his ability to swallow, then regained it but has no interest in eating. Won’t tolerate IV’s and tubes, and his advance directive calls for no PEG tube. Off hydration since late last week, I don’t know if he will last more than another couple of days.
His third grandchild was born last Tuesday, and my wife and I are due Sept. 1. My brother and I are having this strange mix of incredible joy, and pending incredible loss at the same time.
He is moving into hospice today.
I am missing him already, although he is still here.
Report comment to moderator
The Saturday whirled view quote was:
“The Church is the one institution that exists for those outside it.”
The phrase prompts the thought that the roles of Dad and Mom exist for their children.
To have a Dad who did that job well is a blessing beyond description.
To watch that sacrificial love lose its strength is a deep hurt.
To imitate the others-focus is perhaps the greatest thanks.
Though we try, words are inadequate to describe the feelings we have as children and fathers.
With all our shortcomings on both sides of the relationship, only Heaven will bring it into clear focus.
FATHER, please help Thomas, his brother, and their family experience Your Father/Family love in this eternity focusing time. Thank You, that Your Fatherhood never diminishes, nor can be altered in any way. Thank You that You know how to Father them perfectly in every moment. Help them to think and feel whatever You want for them in these challenging days.
Report comment to moderator
SteveG, 12 years this August. Every day.
Report comment to moderator
SteveG, 12 years this August. Every day.
My dad was a quiet person, rarely saying much, and I was only beginning to understand his depths when he passed on. I have a lot of regrets, for a few things said and a lot of things unsaid.
But mostly, I never got to really know him as an adult. I think I might have averted some of the worst mistakes I’ve made if he’d been here to counsel me.
If he were alive he’d be in his early 70s now.
Report comment to moderator
Thomas 3,
With you in prayer.
My dad is still here and resisting the call of God. He is a good man and he taught me well by his example, that God the Father is a good thing. His wife became a believer a few years ago, at eighty. We pray for my dad.
My mom passed away twenty five years ago as we were expecting our third. It is bittersweet.
To know one’s parent is with the Lord would be a good thing. I don’t know but am hopeful due to something she said toward the end.
Report comment to moderator
Thomas I prayed for your dad –
GOD bless and comfort you -
Report comment to moderator
Because I don’t suffer in silence you all know I lost my dad last year. This will be my first non-shock father’s day. I hear it is the hardest.
Thomas, I sat here and cried and prayed for your father before I could write this. I don’t have the words to express how I feel for you. Just live every day you have left with your father so that when he is gone you will have no regrets. Say the things you want him to know whether you think he hears or understands them or not. Make this father’s day special. Maybe take a picture of your wife and your father so that one day you can tell this baby about him and show the baby the picture. My daughter still talks about her her Pop and her Papa (my dad)
Many thoughts and well wishes and prayer to you and your family.
Report comment to moderator
Twenty-five years last Friday. It didn’t seem possible that it had been a quarter-century (more than half my life).
Dad was a hard-working man who fixed whatever went wrong (not always successfully, but it never stopped him from trying). He was a small man, and never went very high on the ladder on his manual-labor jobs, but he reared seven children without a penny from government, and died without a penny of debt. He loved doing things with his family, whether simple things like a nightly walk around the neighborhood with Mom (I was allowed to join them occasionally, with permission, but knew not to ask too often); bike rides with the family; family picnics ending with a hike up whatever Arizona mountain we’d picnicked near. He loved the occasional opportunity to preach, and I loved the occasional time when we’d drop my younger siblings off at church for Sunday school, but instead of going to Sunday school ourselves, Mom and Dad and I would go to a nursing home, Dad would give a brief sermon, we’d sing hymns, and we’d visit with the residents.
I wasn’t close to him, but knew he was proud of me, and wish I could have just one adult conversation with him. I’m not sure he knew what to do with a girl after four boys, but I have a picture of the family in which I’m about five, smooshed up next to my dad on the couch and obviously very happy to be that close to him. If he’d lived longer, I think we could have rediscovered that closeness, and I live with the knowledge that Dad was proud of me. And I benefit from his example of hard work and frugality.
Report comment to moderator
My first Father’s Day. He died March 6. We were close and we were at the same time distant. He kept to himself, had no phone, never wrote, and I lived hundreds of miles away. But I would talk to him on Father’s Day when my sister would visit him with her cell phone handy. And I would always drop in when I was visiting home (Rochester, NY) Last summer he surprised us all by agreeing to go to a family reunion with me and my son, the first and last time all three generations (he was an only child, I’m an only son, my son an only child)bearing our surname did anything like that.
Report comment to moderator
That will be tough Ken. I grieve with you.
It’s been six for me. Like Dave, I had a good memory to end on: we had gone down for Easter dinner — a good time, and then left with a hug. I still remember that hug. He died the next Saturday.
Man! to even write that much is to bring it back – nah it doesn’t go away, does it?
Report comment to moderator
Cheryl, I don’t know what it would have been for you,
Guys, I cannot understand the relationship between a father and a son…
I was an only child and my father hung the moon. Like all children I got mad at him. Sometimes he could say things that left me licking my wounds for days. When his lips disappeared I headed for cover and he could launch some words that would sting for a long time, but I never EVER doubted for a minute that he loved me. He proved it time and again. In 1994, when he was offered early retirement I stood on his deck and told him that I had lived through one alcoholic and if he intended to feel sorry for himself and drink himself into an early grave I was leaving and not coming back. He rarely (Christmas eggnog 1 small glass, Easter 1 glass of wine) ever touched alcohol again. My mother on the other hand never did while I was still in her life.
Funny story: 1 1/2 weeks before he died, the doctors all came in the hospital room to talk to us. After they left, he looked at me and told me that I had a That Baby to raise and I needed to think about her not him and get on with my life. There were other instructions, but I cannot bring myself to type them. I looked at him and said “Daddy, I’m not quite ready to give up on you yet, but if things go south do you want me to swing by the liquor store and pick up a bottle of Canadian Mist and a pack of Vantage Ultralights 100’s?” He said, “No, baby, I don’t believe I do.” Then he smiled at me and we laughed together.
I have an aunt who got her Master’s in Nursing from Orel Roberts University. She always told me how lucky I was to have my father instead of their father. She told me once that my relationship with The Father was easier because I had the kind of relationship with my father that I did.
Report comment to moderator
My dad walked into eternity a little over a year ago. The grief some days is still so fresh. He wasn’t perfect either but he taught me to love God with all my heart,mind and soul and my neighbor as myself. We only found out how much he loved his neighbors at his funeral. He was always doing for others. I am now in ministry with my husband and I learned by watching him. I wish I had him to talk to now that his firstborn grandson is being deployed to the ME. This will be another rough Father’s Day. I really miss him.
Report comment to moderator
Praying for you Thomas
Report comment to moderator
This will be my 5th Father’s Day without Dad. Don’t know if he may have finally surrendered his life to Jesus in his last moments or not. (God has given me the peace that transcends understanding to not know.)
Sometimes I think of something I want to mention to him, then remember he’s gone. Still can’t believe it sometimes.
The last time I saw him, he was making plans for when he’d be released from the hospital, talking & sitting up. He was dead by the next evening.
Though Dad wasn’t a believer, he was a man of integrity, who loved & valued his family. More than fearing punishment when I was “bad”, I didn’t want to displease him. His mixture of love, humor, & firmness has helped me in my understanding of Father God.
Report comment to moderator
Thomas – God be with you all.
Report comment to moderator
Thomas, I had to meet a client before and could not address you at length. Dementia is a very difficult disease. It’s hard on the sufferer physically, but it’s hard in a different way on the family. When I read about the swallowing, I remembered both my parents. When my mother was in her last few days, she had difficulty breathing, and she, too, had advanced directives. You want them to have everything available, but you want to respect that they didn’t want their lives prolonged by machines. As their children, we want them not to suffer, but we have to face up to the fact of what’s happening — we are trying not to say goodbye.
God knows what he’s doing. It may be that he’s giving you and your brother the joyful things — the babies — to remind you that life goes on. It goes from generation to generation. My mother told me before she got the dementia that it was okay to grieve them when they were gone, but that I had to remember that life goes on and not grieve too long.
Like Kim, I only know the father-daughter relationship, but that, too, is very strong. You’ve read the other posts — none of us who have lost our dads have really “gotten over” it. They are with us every day, and all the things your dad taught you that you may have filed away will come out and be with you the rest of your life. You will be amazed by that.
I know this time is very scary and frightening for you. You want to stop time, and if you could, you’d go back to being a little child yourself just to keep him here. As someone wrote, say the things you want to say. Thank him for being your dad. Know this for sure: your dad will ALWAYS be with you in your heart.
Will pray that these days go well for you.
Report comment to moderator
Thank you NJLawyer. Thomas. We are all praying for you. I once had a very wish lady tell me that when you lose your parents there goes your buffer between you and your own mortality. Just be thankful and use this time that God has given you to say good bye. I was suppose to get a month or two and I only got 4 days. Don’t let anything go left unsaid.
Report comment to moderator
Thomas, you and your family have my prayers.
Report comment to moderator
My relationship with my father has largely been marked by difficulty and disappointment. He was an alcoholic and compulsive gambler throughout my childhood and even after I and my siblings were grown and out of the house, he continued much the same, even gambling away much of his retirement savings. He was often contentious, critical, demanding and sometimes, cruel. And that was without the booze.
But over the years, God worked on all our hearts, some more than others. He chipped away at the anger and bitterness in me, gradually instilling in me a deep appreciation and longing for mercy and forgiveness. It’s what I want for my father more than anything. I’ve seen the kind of love that “believes all things, endures all things and hopes all things,” via my mother, and I’ve seen the faithfulness of God who is more than able to restore what “the locust have eaten,”.
It’s still a struggle at times. My father’s not the easiest person to deal with much less talk to. But it’s become less about waiting to see what he will or won’t do, less about waiting for the proverbial “last shoe to drop” and more about waiting to see what God will do, He who is “a father to the fatherless.” (Psalm 68:5) and “able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine,” (Eph. 3:20).
How rich the posts I’ve read so far, full of wisdom and gratitude.
THOMAS, thoughts and prayers.
Report comment to moderator
Praying for you, Thomas.
My dad died young of cancer, 39 years ago last March. Hard to believe that many years have passed, and like SteveG I so regret that we did not have a chance to know one another as adults. We were very close when I was a tomboy kid, but the relationship became more difficult and frustrating when I left baseball behind and morphed into a teen-ager who only wanted to listen to music he disdained and so made fun of — to my eye rolling. It was a rather abrupt transition, as I recall, somewhere between my 12th & 13th birthdays.
He wasn’t always an easy man to get along with, but I realize now how much he must have missed our times together, playing ball and going to the ball games, going over the team standings every morning in the newspaper. I was growing up, entering another world that was no doubt alien to him and seemed suddenly to put so much distance between us. His hurt came out in what I perceived was an overly critical attitude toward me.
While I’m sorry he didn’t live long enough for us to get really past that awkward stage of our relationship, I treasure the years I had with him. Especially all those times playing catch together in the backyard and sitting in the “cheap” outfield seats at Dodger stadium. They were the best.
Report comment to moderator
I am praying for you, Thomas.
I have not lost my father yet, but have not seen him in years. He lives half way across the country, has no telephone, and tends to ignore his mail. I have lots of children which makes it difficult for me to travel. His sister, who lives close by, sort of looks after him. I know that he is not a believer, though I have talked to him and shared my faith with him. We are praying for him. If he’s like his mom, he’ll live to be 97 at least, and in relatively good health. Hopefully the kids and I will get to see him before he dies. We were never close, but I still miss him. The main thing I remember about him is that he always tried to answer my questions about things, and he taught me how to ski.
My kids have a sweet and beautiful Sunday School teacher who just lost her dad on Monday. He had just celebrated his 50th wedding anniversary the weekend before he died. She and her mom could use a few prayers too, especially since it was totally unexpected, and they are just getting over some other deaths in their immediate family.
Report comment to moderator
Good morning.
I was previously posting as “THOMAS” for a variety of reasons:
* My birthday, July 3, coincides with his feast day in the Roman Catholic Church
* I admire Thomas for his combined skepticism and deep belief. I trend to the skeptical myself, wanting evidence – comes from an engineering and physics background. Yet, Thomas believes, when their is evidence, and utters one of the (to me) most heartfelt expressions in the Bible, “My Lord and my God!”
* Thomas (Didymus) means “twin,” and a nom de blog seems like an alternate persona, or twin for oneself,
At any rate, I want to thank everyone on this thread who has offered prayers for myself, my father, and my family.
Sadly, Dad went home to be with God, 9:30 on Tuesday night. A number of things worked with perfect timing, I think. And although I can accept this as God’s will, and know that I will get through, right now, my heart is broken. As are those of my family.
I’m going back to blogging in my real name, since I am fortunate enough to share it. He was a “Jr.”, I’m a “III”
His obit is in today’s Buffalo News. I would link it but if I go to that page, I won’t be able to see the keyboard for quite a while, and will wake my wife from crying.
Thank you again, to all here who prayed and are praying for him.
Report comment to moderator
back to topJoin The Conversation
You need to be a registered user of WORLDonTheWeb.com to "join the conversation."
If you are not a member yet, what are you waiting for? Register / Login Now!