I was previously posting as “THOMAS” for a variety of reasons:

* My birthday, July 3, coincides with his feast day in the Roman Catholic Church

* I admire Thomas for his combined skepticism and deep belief. I trend to the skeptical myself, wanting evidence – comes from an engineering and physics background. Yet, Thomas believes, when their is evidence, and utters one of the (to me) most heartfelt expressions in the Bible, “My Lord and my God!”

* Thomas (Didymus) means “twin,” and a nom de blog seems like an alternate persona, or twin for oneself,

At any rate, I want to thank everyone on this thread who has offered prayers for myself, my father, and my family.

Sadly, Dad went home to be with God, 9:30 on Tuesday night. A number of things worked with perfect timing, I think. And although I can accept this as God’s will, and know that I will get through, right now, my heart is broken. As are those of my family.

I’m going back to blogging in my real name, since I am fortunate enough to share it. He was a “Jr.”, I’m a “III”

His obit is in today’s Buffalo News. I would link it but if I go to that page, I won’t be able to see the keyboard for quite a while, and will wake my wife from crying.

Thank you again, to all here who prayed and are praying for him.

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My dad died young of cancer, 39 years ago last March. Hard to believe that many years have passed, and like SteveG I so regret that we did not have a chance to know one another as adults. We were very close when I was a tomboy kid, but the relationship became more difficult and frustrating when I left baseball behind and morphed into a teen-ager who only wanted to listen to music he disdained and so made fun of — to my eye rolling. It was a rather abrupt transition, as I recall, somewhere between my 12th & 13th birthdays.

He wasn’t always an easy man to get along with, but I realize now how much he must have missed our times together, playing ball and going to the ball games, going over the team standings every morning in the newspaper. I was growing up, entering another world that was no doubt alien to him and seemed suddenly to put so much distance between us. His hurt came out in what I perceived was an overly critical attitude toward me.

While I’m sorry he didn’t live long enough for us to get really past that awkward stage of our relationship, I treasure the years I had with him. Especially all those times playing catch together in the backyard and sitting in the “cheap” outfield seats at Dodger stadium. They were the best.

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But over the years, God worked on all our hearts, some more than others. He chipped away at the anger and bitterness in me, gradually instilling in me a deep appreciation and longing for mercy and forgiveness. It’s what I want for my father more than anything. I’ve seen the kind of love that “believes all things, endures all things and hopes all things,” via my mother, and I’ve seen the faithfulness of God who is more than able to restore what “the locust have eaten,”.

It’s still a struggle at times. My father’s not the easiest person to deal with much less talk to. But it’s become less about waiting to see what he will or won’t do, less about waiting for the proverbial “last shoe to drop” and more about waiting to see what God will do, He who is “a father to the fatherless.” (Psalm 68:5) and “able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine,” (Eph. 3:20).

How rich the posts I’ve read so far, full of wisdom and gratitude.

THOMAS, thoughts and prayers.

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God knows what he’s doing. It may be that he’s giving you and your brother the joyful things — the babies — to remind you that life goes on. It goes from generation to generation. My mother told me before she got the dementia that it was okay to grieve them when they were gone, but that I had to remember that life goes on and not grieve too long.

Like Kim, I only know the father-daughter relationship, but that, too, is very strong. You’ve read the other posts — none of us who have lost our dads have really “gotten over” it. They are with us every day, and all the things your dad taught you that you may have filed away will come out and be with you the rest of your life. You will be amazed by that.

I know this time is very scary and frightening for you. You want to stop time, and if you could, you’d go back to being a little child yourself just to keep him here. As someone wrote, say the things you want to say. Thank him for being your dad. Know this for sure: your dad will ALWAYS be with you in your heart.

Will pray that these days go well for you.

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Sometimes I think of something I want to mention to him, then remember he’s gone. Still can’t believe it sometimes.

The last time I saw him, he was making plans for when he’d be released from the hospital, talking & sitting up. He was dead by the next evening.

Though Dad wasn’t a believer, he was a man of integrity, who loved & valued his family. More than fearing punishment when I was “bad”, I didn’t want to displease him. His mixture of love, humor, & firmness has helped me in my understanding of Father God.

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