Marriage 911
What does the story of a philandering governor in South Carolina have to do with a simple homeschooling mom in Missouri? Not much unless you consider that this homeschooling mom is also a married woman and takes to heart stories of vows gone awry. My heart goes out to Jenny Sanford and their four boys. My heart goes out to families everywhere experiencing grief such as this.
It was in this recent recounting of the Sanford affair I read the following: “During an emotional interview at his Statehouse office with The Associated Press on Tuesday, Sanford said Chapur is his soul mate, but he’s trying to fall back in love with his wife.”
I think that was the saddest thing I’ve read of this whole story. If the mistress is the true soul mate, what was the wife?
As I was driving to the store the other day, the Sanfords’ story came to mind again and I thought to myself, “Boy, am I glad Craig isn’t a politician.” And then I remembered the 2006 Ted Haggard scandal. This thought was immediately followed by, “Oh yes, and I’m also glad he isn’t a pastor.”
As if being a politician or a pastor are the only two professions in which otherwise happily married men are brought to public shame . . . as if men are the only ones to fall.
This isn’t a newsflash for any of you, but not a single one of us is immune from sexual sin—not the politician, not the pastor, not the Christian schoolteacher, not the conservative magazine writer, not the homeschooling mom—not a single one.
I can be smug in my almost 13 years of marriage feeling safe and immune, but this is foolish, as areas given the least attention tend to be the areas most prone to cracks. I’m reminded once again that I need to be the one praying for my husband, and together, we need to be praying for our marriage. Few others are going to do this for us (and isn’t it better to protect than to repair?).




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back to top14 Comments to “Marriage 911”
Sometimes those at the greatest risk have the greatest confidence. The homeschool mom, confident in her devotion to her husband, may find that her “soulmate” is actually the childrens’ tennis coach.
As my pastor once said, “An unchecked strength is a double weakness.” One must guard one’s heart daily.
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Megan and others, Satan will attempt to put anyone anywhere at anytime under the cross hairs of his sniper rifle. Only the prayers of intercessors prevent anyone’s downfall.
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I agree with you SAWGUNNER.
I do recommend that people read the books from Dr Laura, on Husbands
and on Marriage
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Montyfisherwoof,
Dr Laura tends to inflame a good portion of folks who regularly visit WMB. But I’m a huge fan of hers. Would that we had more Christian ministers willing to “tell it like it is” as she does. Looking at the lives and accomplishmts of the political philanderers I have to ask if they knew about the small rot in the core of their tree trunk. Or did they think they were somehow impervious to the adultery trap? Or too good to ever be outted as a cheater?
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This line from the post: “I think that was the saddest thing I’ve read of this whole story. If the mistress is the true soul mate, what was the wife?”
I agree. This must have really hurt and humiliated Mrs. Sanford. It didn’t even come out in the first press conference. Sanford is incredibly selfish. Yet his wife has again said she will forgive him. He doesn’t seem to understand what he’s had all along.
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Biblically speaking, the wife is put away. Malachi 2:16, putting away is the treacherous act that God hates. See the American Standard Version, 1901, for distinction between putting away and divorce. Divorce is something that God prefers to putting away your spouse.
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It is a pity that our modern bible translations are incorrect when it comes to the subject of divorce since they do not distinguish putting away from divorce.
We are to be pitied that we do not know the difference between putting away and divorce, and so have to ask a question like, “If the mistress is the soul mate, what is the wife?” Intelligent question, but SAD that we don’t know the answer and assume that a put away wife should STAY with a man like this!!
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Maybe you can be smug and feel safe in your 13 years of marriage, but there are some women who can never be smug or feel safe in their marriages because their husbands do not live with them as true spouses, they are put away, it is a hatefilled existence (and she knows it) and divorce would be a welcome relief.
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Reg – If the adulterous husband truly repents (is not merely sorry he was caught), & the wife is willing to forgive, wouldn’t it be good for them to stay together?
BTW, did you see my response to you on the Frank Schaeffer thread (& repeated on another thread)? The intent of my first comment to you was not as you took it, & I felt quite bad about inadvertently offending you.
In case you didn’t see it, this is what I wrote…
Reg – My goodness! That was not my intent at all!
I find you an interesting & sensitive person, & often your brief comments pique my curiosity (as in – What does she mean? Where is she “coming from” with that?).
Unfortunately, you often don’t engage in deeper “conversation” here, or instead of explaining your position, you refer to a book. (I did finally read Pagan Christianity just so I could understand what your various, almost cryptic comments were about.)
My above comment to you was not intended as a put-down, but as an observation. We are all products of our experiences, & often those experiences can bias us on certain issues.
I am truly sorry if my comment offended you – it was truly not intended the way you took it.
If it is your wish, I will not engage with you anymore on this blog. But that would be too bad, because in replying to one another we here on WMB often have a chance to either help someone see things from our own perspective, or to learn about other perspectives.
When I respond to you, I am trying to engage you in “conversation”, not merely disagree. But again, I am sorry if I have ever offended you. Twas surely not my intent.
(For those who have read this for the 3rd time, please excuse me. It’s just that I felt really bad that Reg misunderstood a certain comment I’d made, & I want to be sure she knows I did not intend to offend or hurt her.)
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We are far too quick to assume, as are many wives, that a man who says he is sorry truly IS sorry and has truly changed!!
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SAYING SORRY and LIVING SORRY are not the same thing
SAYING FORGIVENESS and LIVING FORGIVENESS are not the same thing
We should assume nothing
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we should assume nothing about the future based on a man’s words when his actions have proven otherwise
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I guess then that it takes time, maybe including a separation, to determine if the seemingly-repentant man truly is repentant. I know many men (& women) are not repentant about adultery, but there are some who truly do respond to the Holy Spirit’s conviction & turn their lives around.
I’ve read, & heard, some wonderful testimonies about what God can do in a marriage.
It is tragic when one spouse rejects God’s call & His word, & betrays his/her spouse through adultery or unforgiveness.
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to Megan: excellent article, and a very apt warning to any of us who are tempted to become complacent in this area.
To Reg: there seems to be a lot of bitterness between the lines of your comments. I truly hope that I am wrong about that, or that if I am right, that you are able to find healing in forgiveness. Regarding comments #10-12, whether Gov. Sanford’s repentance is genuine isn’t for any of us to decide; that’s between him, his wife, and God.
And to Karen O, I agree, and I know first-hand that God can restore a marriage after infidelity (whether actual or virtual)
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